|Reviews for Secrets and Lies|
| Poi Poi chapter 19 . 4/16/2005
Wow, this story was GREAT! I have too much free time...
| Kyandoru chapter 19 . 3/18/2005
oh my god i think i might get asthma from lack of air through laughing!this is so funny and so well put together too! i especially liked the ritualistic suicide with a fountain pen part! if you havent made a sequel yet you should!
| Math Freak chapter 19 . 7/1/2004
Umm… I'm not really sure what to say (I haven't read all of your chapters, I just skipped to the end). Your grammar, language and writing style all seem to be fine, but I can't really say the same thing about the characterization. First of all, the already established characters are all out of character. For example, there's no way Suguru would eat soup that resembled cement mixture. Also, Yuki wouldn't like someone like Lily - especially since she criticized his work. Even if he DID like her, he would act like it. Another thing, they ALL like Lily. Every single person. And speaking of Lily, your OC, are you aware of what a Mary Sue is? The point of fanfiction is to enjoy the ALREADY ESTABLISHED characters, not YOURS, and make them interact in ways the mangaka or author had never thought of. I suggest you go to . and take the Mary Sue Litmus Test as written by Merlin Missy. Some of the questions won't apply, but the majority will. Also, reading the section on Mary Sue in Dr. Merlin's Guide to Fan Fiction would probably be helpful. The link to get there is at the bottom of the Mary Sue Litmus Test. For the most part, I think you're a pretty good writer, but fan fiction isn't about self inserts or about your own characters. It's about playing around with the existing characters and making them obey your every beck and call. Please don't take this as a flame, I just don't particularly like Mary Sue's or Marty Stu's. I think you should check out .com because there you could create characters like Lily to your heart's content without people like me calling them Mary Sue's.
PS: This is just something I noticed - it bothered me to no end. No doctor would work several days straight. First of all, they would sue the government or their employer for terrible working conditions. Secondly, excessive amounts of coffee give people's hands tremors. Any doctor, no matter how brilliant, would not be able to properly treat someone after 36 hours of work and drinking coffee. Most people's brains have lost their optimal productivity after even 12 hours. For these reasons, your situation does not make sense. Also, the doctor would surely make mistakes after 24 hours on the job (let alone 120) and would then get sued by the patients. One last thing - hospitals don't work that way. Even if there were only one doctor, the doctor would work their regular shift and then go home but remain on call. That means if there were an emergency that required that particular doctor and noone else, that doctor would be called from home (even if it were 3:00am) for their expertise and/or experience.
I noticed many other little details like that (let's stress the MANY, shall we?) - little illogical things that meant nothing really in the big scheme of things, but I'm tired and too lazy to write them all down. I suggest you bring this story to your English teacher or someone like that and have them give you the harshest feedback possible.
| Blizzaga chapter 14 . 5/25/2004
Heya, I've only read up to chapter 13 so far, and I've been trying to finish since I started it last week, usually like three chapters at a time (I'm a slow reader and I don't have too much time on my hands), and I've got to say, I love it so far! _ You've really captured their personalities perfectly while creating some really new and interesting characters. I like how you decided to make a story pretty much based on the reason why Ryuichi (who is my favorite by the way) seems clinically insane. Lol.
I love Lily. I don't know what's going to happen to her, but I hope things turn out great for her.
When I'm reading this, it's like I can actually picture the anime in my head. You write it really well, I can get it perfectly. I loved that little bit there with Fujisaki and Lily talking in the other room about the keyboard but Shuichi thinks it's about something *else*. Lol.
Anyway, I can't wait to continue reading more! I'll comment then. I was going to wait until then, but I just couldn't anymore.
| Narien chapter 19 . 5/19/2004
Wow! That's an awesome fanfic, Hikaru-san! The sixteenth through eighteenth chapters made me go all teary, it was so well written and so well set up! All I can say is keep writing! - You're such a great writer!
| gravitationluvverr chapter 19 . 5/17/2004
WHOA! your story is the best I've ever read. I wish I could write like you. It's really AMAZING. I really, really, REALLY like it! ciao
| Vera-Sama chapter 19 . 5/15/2004
I am so happy to see you updated! I thought i was going to go insane wondering what would happen to Lily-chan. The scene with Ryuichi and Lily at the very beginning made me want to cry, but in a good way. This has to be my favorite gravitation fic. I can't wait to see the sequel. Don't leave us in too much suspense, ok? _
| MorganEddasil chapter 19 . 5/15/2004
I LOVE IT! GREAT JOB!evil grin* oh...kaleidoscope!
as sad as this sounds(even to me _
| L.uca Kerberos chapter 19 . 5/14/2004
Awesome chapter! I can't wait for the sequel. Are you going to make Lily-chan's family 'visit' her and try to take her back from Ryuichi-san? Ja ne!
| teh tarik chapter 19 . 5/14/2004
Great work! I enjoyed reading every chapter of it! I enjoyed your humour, and I found that Kinky Prostitutes Can Offer Fantastically Great Sex part seriously helpful for studying Bio. It has a great ending, I'm sure you'd be able to write a great sequel, and do get started!
PS: Screw the exams.
| Risu-chan from AnimeLyrics chapter 18 . 5/9/2004
Hi - Recheck the Gravitation lyrics, OK? You got them a long time ago, before I had the chance to correct some of the fairly heinous mistranslations that were previously posted there. ;; The English translations of the songs really aren't what you've had posted... not your fault since you copied what was there at the time, but since it's been corrected now, you probably want to know what they actually say! (I'm glad AL has instituted a translator test so that people now have to establish they know what they're doing before becoming a translator - not that it'll correct the thousands of mistranslated lyrics that got through before that rule went into effect, but we're slowly working on cleaning it up...)
Oh yeah - by the way, in Japan, they DON'T swap the name order of foreign names. EVERYONE would call her "Lily Barton" because she's got a foreign name - both Japanese people and English-speaking people would call her "Lily Barton." If your name isn't Japanese and written in kanji, they don't put your surname first. It's another way of marking foreigners as "people who are different and are subjected to different social rules."
| Ly too lazy to sign in chapter 18 . 4/29/2004
...jesus, woman! *smacks her head against the side of NG Studios* Leave it at that, will ya! *Raves for a few more moments before controlling herself and applauding* I liked it very much. Those were good lyrics, I'll have to look into getting that song. I look forward to the next chapter! Sorry it took me so long to read it.. been busy and all. .
| lasirenavarada chapter 18 . 4/14/2004
Hikaru: Yours is a very beautiful story, very very well written. It is amazing the way you play it all and put it together, the explanations you give and the situations you make the characters deal with. I loved your own characters, even Dr. Sullivan, I liked them four a lot. I also loved the way you played with Eiri, it was a really good job. (small laugh) I really liked the comment of Tatsuha's cameo, P. Have you ever considered becoming a writer? If you have, girl, you have the talent. It really is a good work, congratulations.
| amyzearing chapter 18 . 4/13/2004
I am not too good at words, less if espontanius, but I'll only say your fic is AMAZING
| brokenAngelYue chapter 18 . 4/9/2004
~screams in torment~ You left it THERE? I thought only I would do something so evil! oh wait... I have. er... well finish it! _