|Reviews for The Glittering Present|
| Mn chapter 5 . 8/27/2017
I have enjoyed this fic greatly! The science you have filled it with really makes it richer. Thanks for sharing!
| ZodiacKitten321 chapter 5 . 7/12/2017
Please continue!Jetlag is an amazing character and I love this story.
| Guest chapter 5 . 7/6/2017
| Guest chapter 5 . 4/5/2017
I love this story so so much, I've read it twice now. So hope you continue it!
| Guest chapter 5 . 2/20/2017
Great story!I love how Jaylah is a unique species that can see differently instead of just a morphed human like the others are. Weird question: Can she use a human toilet yet or what?
| Ghostrider chapter 5 . 12/27/2016
As someone who started watching the original series in the seventies, reading the novels in the eighties and generally watched all subsequent series, I have to say, that this story is remarkable for its breadth and depth, akin to many of the best of the original novels.
Most writers go for a romantic entanglement between certain characters or something similar. You, however, have turned to building a backstory for a character of a new species with added world building. Added to that, you're keeping the other characters, true to themselves.
Your McCoy, for example. I can actually hear and see both the versions played by DeForrest Kelly and Karl Urban, with a lot of the curmudgeonly traits of the former, present in many of the original novels. I've laughed out loud at his rants in this story, not only because of the contents but also because I do remember similar rants in the original novels.
I hope that you'll continue this story and look forward to any new chapters you're willing to bestow on us.
| AlwaysChillin98 chapter 5 . 12/14/2016
Oh man, this was such a good read. You do such a good job at capturing Jaylah's character. I can't wait for you to update this, I'm eagerly awaiting more.
| systemman chapter 5 . 10/11/2016
Excellent! Another chapter well done and I really liked the part about cultural misunderstandings.
| systemman chapter 4 . 9/9/2016
Again, a great chapter! I like the idea that Jaylah visual frequency range is wider than humans. A lot of writers create aliens that are no more than humans with a different shell. You have fleshed out Jaylah's species as similar for survival in the Federation environment and yet different because of dissimilar environmental evolution. Please keep up the good work!
| Quijana chapter 3 . 8/17/2016
Woo! I like this fic!
Honestly, this is a little hard for me to review in detail because the immersion is excellent. I read this chapter and have a slightly hard time reconciling the fact that I didn't actually read a factual narrative account of an alien person trying to acclimate to life at space station Yorktown.
Let's see... part of it is that Jaylah's memories were treated particularly well. The fragmentary recollection bits where she remembered something from her past while trying to make sense of something in the present, those were just about the right length and style to make me believe them as psychologically realistic. Also, the degree and types of things that she knew and didn't know as a result of her time living on that crashed ship were very believable. Well done on that account as well.
If I had to criticize... McCoy and Nurse Koh used a bunch of words that were utterly inappropriate for speaking to someone who obviously has a limited grasp of the language, or indeed for speaking to a patient, or indeed they didn't make much of an effort to make themselves understood. That was the one thing that broke immersion. Or maybe their bedside manner is just that bad?
Back to good things: the trust issues were nice. Present, stressful, but not so overblown as to be angsty or hard to read. Just right for the character, I think.
And one more criticism: there hasn't been a lot of description of what Jaylah sees. Some, but it wouldn't be enough if I didn't already have my own ideas (from the movies) about what she was looking at. This is fanfiction, and she's in an environment that's more or less familiar from the movie so far, but it may become an issue later.
However, her interactions with the other characters are fluid, and her internal monologue and characterization are so good that this has been an unqualified fun read. Keep up the good work! I eagerly await whatever you should write next!
| systemman chapter 3 . 8/17/2016
Very good! I loved how you noted that different species react differently to environmental forces. Jaylah's sensitivity to the gas ratio of standard Federation atmosphere was a nice touch however I believe you missed a good opportunity at the restaurant.
Feel free to use this idea if you like it. You could have Jaylah be able to drink alcohol like it is water which you thoroughly impress Scotty. However, because of the lack of lactase enzyme, if Jaylah consumes any milk product it acts like alcohol on her system.
Anyway, please keep writing.
| Klycmep chapter 3 . 8/17/2016
Oh, what a lovely chapter. I absolutely love how you write her, and the rest of the team. I adore the cultural novelties that she brings to the Federation. She should be treated like a rare jewel, since she is the first of her species to meet Federation officers. And the emotions that you wrote, the longings of home, a lot of us can relate to that (while we are not from outer space, we also come from foreign land and "speak funny"). Bravo, I look forward to reading chapter 4!
| BrightWatcher chapter 3 . 8/17/2016
Nicely done. Your attention to detail in the setting and dialogue is impressive.
Good luck with your writers muse!
| systemman chapter 2 . 8/9/2016
Very well written! Obviously you have a medical background or researched Jaylah's medical condition thoroughly. Your OCs came across as believable and the scene where McCoy lands the mining ship was great. Please keep up the good work!
| Jackofrogues chapter 1 . 8/1/2016
I would love it if you wrote more