Reviews for The Hlessi
Chipster-roo chapter 11 . 8/17/2016
Congratulations. You and Bright Side produced something that affected me emotionally in a way very few literary works ever have.

The only problem I find is that after Vesper's bath, he and the human have a conversation despite the fact Vesper doesn't have his collar on.
Chipster-roo chapter 10 . 8/7/2016
I can understand Hazel being worried about how Vesper may cause instability in the warren. The conversation with Bigwig is well written.

Then, El-ahrairah shows up again. His conversation with Vesper provides some more information about the latter, but that makes him even more mysterious. And since Pipkin (?) heard the conversation between the two and will tell Hazel about it, we may end up learning more soon.

I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
Chipster-roo chapter 9 . 8/3/2016
And finally, the new chapter.

It's interesting to see you call Strawberry the “Dandy Rabbit”, I like that (as a side note, Strawberry will be a doe in the new BBC miniseries). The part where Vesper stays in Fiver and Vilthuril's burrow is cute.

Overall, I think most of the changes in this new version are improvements. I'm looking forward to future chapters.
Chipster-roo chapter 8 . 8/3/2016
This is a nice chapter. The bobstones scene is convincing, and the hrair problem has been fixed.

Vesper's reaction to the arrival of Bigwig and the others is consistent with what happened already. Then, he finally gets his collar back. That's nice.

I'm sure it's going to be very interesting when Vesper finally reaches the Down and meets Hazel, Hyzenthlay and the others.

I did not find any major changes in this chapter.
Chipster-roo chapter 7 . 8/3/2016
I'm back. Now let's continue this.

The description of the collar is very good, and the part where Dandelion jokes is funny.

The main change is that the collar was given to him by his human. This is going to be interesting.
Chipster-roo chapter 6 . 8/2/2016
In this chapter, the hlessi finally regains consciousness. The scene where Fiver cleans his wounds is well written.

The chapter seems almost identical to the first version. However, there has been a minor change I want to point out: “I would be the only rabbit would be able to understand you in English Down”. I find this passage hard to understand.

This chapter makes the hlessi seem even more mysterious than previously. I don't know what I expected, but the accent really came as a surprise when I first read it. Whatever his secret is, it is really going to be interesting.
Chipster-roo chapter 5 . 8/2/2016
I can't find any major changes with this, so here is the original review.

This is a very good chapter. Bigwig reaches the Down and tells the others what happened. This is very well written. The hlessi, while he doesn't appear in this chapter, keeps getting more and more mysterious, especially with Hyzenthlay feeling that they will "learn something we may not be ready to understand just yet". I also like what Hazel says about patience at the end of the chapter.
Chipster-roo chapter 4 . 8/2/2016
At the start of the chapter, you say that Inlé was beginning to sink towards the West. This was already happening in the previous chapter. I'm sorry I didn't catch it in the original version.

This chapter is identical (or almost identical) to the first version, so here is the the original review.

It's good to have confirmation that the hlessi really will survive. The descriptions of the way El-ahrairah and the Black Rabbit of Inlé leave are very well written. I like how every chapter so far ends mysteriously. It really makes the reader want to keep going.
Chipster-roo chapter 3 . 8/2/2016
This is a good chapter. This new version does not have any major changes, but you elaborate on El-ahrairah's doubts over whether the hlessi will survive. This is a positive change.

In the first version, there was a minor problem about laughing, but that has been fixed for a long time now.

It's interesting to see that you used El-ahrairah's hypnotic powers mentioned in Tales from Watership Down, to get rid of the fox.

We get to know a little bit more about the hlessi, but he remains extremely mysterious.

Then the Black Rabbit of Inlé shows up! This keeps getting more interesting and unusual.
Chipster-roo chapter 2 . 8/2/2016
This was an interesting second chapter. Not much more is known about the hlessi (it is not even mentioned whether it is a buck or a doe), but at least Fiver and Bigwig discover him before it is too late. And then El-ahrairah shows up. That's amazing.

The new version doesn't really change much from the original one, besides El-ahrairah's description (this is an improvement) and another passage: “suddenly became grimace”. In the original version, this was “became tharn” and I think that was better.
Chipster-roo chapter 1 . 8/2/2016
The story has now been reposted. I still have my reviews from the previous version, and will repost them, but with modifications as necessary.

The interesting writing style from the first version has been preserved, which is nice. This new version, however, includes a brief description of the warren. The description of what Fiver's vision is much more detailed. Overall, I like these changes.

Just like in the first version, the hlessi is very mysterious, as we have not met him yet.
Fox Teen chapter 1 . 8/2/2016
Mysterious vision. I feel sorry for Fiver. It must be horrible seeing such things.