|Reviews for The Binding of Fates|
| The Dark Lord Nedved chapter 44 . 6/10
Sorry I'm taking so long to respond. They need Voldy to come back to 'life' to kill him. Considering how Jon came to harry's world, the only feasible way they could both find a way to Westeros is if they are killed.
They don't want to die.
If I do write a story about Westeros, it would be a spin off of this one. And they won't leave or willingly die until they finish work here.
Thanks for the review!
Yes, short and to the point :) The new armor is an upgrade. There was a pattern, they got apprentice robes that got torn up and invisible, then they bought dueling armor, then they got Onyx armour, now they have a combination bodysuit. RPG elements and what not.
Ship moments are necessary and yes, it was an excuse for Val and Harry to get naked in a pool. Harry got some moves lol.
Thanks for the support it is appreciated.
Thank you for reading! I've read the feedback about the other girls (including Penelope's ) roles in the story. From the perspective of me getting the inspiration to write this, I wanted to show that JKR's Harry didn't interact with anyone in school other than Ron and Hermione. What he really wanted with this second chance was to "Live" life again, be more open, be aware and conscious of the people around him. There will be people in our lives that have very weird behaviors/ personalities. These are all witches and wizards, and each has their own things going on. These relationships don't occur in stasis, they overlap, and what one does changes the lives of others. Harry's influence has changed things, and people would also be a part of his life. As a ff author, mixing in different types, different facets of a character makes them come alive for me. She's weird and freaky for Harry, but a straight A student who plays Bass guitar with blokes. And probably got caught up with a poor choice of boyfriend (Michael) and a bit of hero worship for her knight in shining armor.
Thanks for the review!
Sorry to hear that. Jon doesn't die. He learns as he goes along.
The Laughing man1
Thanks for the comments! hope to hear more soon!
Thanks for the continued support. Always looking forward to hearing what you think! Let me know what you don't like either, I would use it to improve.
Yeah i did think of Leia with her piece of slave bondage bikini stuff. Jabba was a nastiness lol.
Yeah but no... I'm not describing the junk.
The first few chapters of the Binding of Fates part 2 Harry does lose his virginity. But I love your one man army author comment.
harry 'sex imperio affect' actually is a running joke Tonks and Jon makes mention of throughout the story lol
Yes. I have noticed my flaws in the quick dialogue sequences needing more speaker tags. The format is Speaker A -one paragraph/sentence. Then break, Speaker B - next paragraph, then repeat. Two people will never speak in the same paragraph, that's my style, and I think most novels use that format as well.
Val is not the type of person to share. And Harry knows better than that to bring it up, and probably won't think about even doing that with Penelope under a serious 'thing'. We'll see what happens.
Yes he saw, yes, he was turned on, but no, he won't fall into that trap. He was basically running scared afterwards in the workshop.
Thanks for the reviews! Read the new one and tell me whats up. later.
Thanks for the well thought out review. my 'beta' hates the content, but is quite good at fixing the spelling and flow errors in the chapters. The content has been all mine, and my beta disagrees with a lot of the interactions and how characters behave- so that gives me a good counter balance of opinion. However, I stick to my guns and do it my way. So I am thankful for the grammar corrections and stuff, but the design and plot is mine.
I'm assuming the AU aspect you speak about is mainly the guilds and what happens in other places right? We always hear about what the Ministry has to offer, but all societies have various different jobs and
walks of life. We all know Hogwarts and the Ministry's structure, but what about everything else? I won't call the rest AU, people need cauldrons, protective gear, dragon hunters, wizard bounty hunters, and specific tasks needed done by people who are into those things.
Jon gave up his family for the Night's watch. He has no 'true' responsibility to anything except protecting the lands in his role at the Night's watch. The night's watch actually killed him. He isn't a wizard. Even thinking of going back is an idea to grand for him to assimilate. He is here, and he is alive. That is what he can control, what he can handle.
Even Harry going across there to help Jon means that he is going to give up what is going on in his world...and it'll will be very hard to write the...ramifications about that.
I've seen so many requests for harry going into Jon's world. And that can be done very well, but he would be advantageous AF. I could do it, the Wheel of Time has a similar premise, and that Rand Al'thor character has a lot of adventures. The author of that book makes him quite strong, yet he doesn't deal with non-magical issues. he has other magical users to deal with those things. It's his interaction with other people that makes that story good, his influence.
Harry in Westeros would be pretty powerful, and.. I'll have to read that type of fanfiction to see how that would go.
Thanks for your comment! Sign in so I can continue communicating through the pm
Well, the stuff they are getting up to is what JKR wanted done in the first place. Release the basilisk, empower the diary, and bring Riddle back to life.
Jon being boring because he got the cool stuff? wut
If you were talking about the robes, (as a typical fantasy theme, colours are used her to signify roles) Nym is Red Dora, so her kit is red, Jon is Mr. Black, so he is in black, and Roderick Hallow gets a grey/brown robes. Harry didn't care too much on aesthetics. His gear usually gets white, with the theme of him being a light wizard running throughout the story.
To your next statement, he actually did use Light /Holy magic, so I don't know why you're saying he did not. In fact, he ONLY used Light and Holy magic. I'm confused by this comment.
I've mentioned in one of my responses on the review board that Tonks isn't the 'reader' who knows all that is going on concerning Harry being sent back. All she knows is that he shows signs of dark wizardry, and that is what she is training to fight against. I can't go into all the factors which makes her believe this, but I listed it out before on the review board.
Not all characters in a story are to be all 'likeable' and 'sweet' because, in real life, there are people that are different. Various characters makes the story come alive. If I wanted another female character to be like Hermione, or Ginny, or Cho, that makes no sense to me. I could simply use those characters. If I wanted to make a completely different character with flaws, traits, strengths, and vulnerabilities aligned with their circumstances, I'll use a different person.
Making every minor character slightly different from any other character isn't my style. I wanted everyone to have a certain flair, a certain speech pattern, a way they might behave, and unexpected ways to surprise the reader in what they do.
Thanks for for liking Valerian. I tried to bring across a female warrior with a heavy past into the story, who just wants to be free and happy like any other girl.
Aegon, at this point, doesn't want to be king. As far as he knows, his watch has ended.
Thanks for the review! Log in and continue with the new story!
| LL chapter 44 . 6/9
Most of the stuff the "Dark" is getting up to is becoming increasingly stupid and annoying to read about. This shit pellet isn't really much better.
The trend of making Jon the "cool guy" with all the cool aesthetics, spells, etc. is also sort of boring because Harry is the primary protagonist. Harry's stuff seems purposefully bland. Ex: "grey-brown robes" from earlier in the story, when Jon and Dora both got cooler and "edgier" robes.
Harry also needs more magic that he can do. He's very talented sure, but with all the "Light this" and "Light that" stuff, I kind of expected him to start making some actual "Light"/"Holy" magic that he can attack directly with in place of the curses he lost the ability to use.
I also really dislike Dora and Penelope in this story. Dora because her natural inclination seems to be to freak out, make wild assumptions, and betray Harry. It's been at least twice now so far, and now her actual job might encourage her to do it again at some point. Penelope, I dislike because she knows too much and her personality is irritating.
I really like Val though.
Besides all that I like the story overall. I am curious if Harry and his group will end up in Westeros at some point to help the fight against the Dark there as well. I mean, I know Aegon is technically the rightful heir to the throne, but he is sworn to Harry. King Harry, anyone?
| Guest chapter 44 . 5/29
Over 400k words was a long read, but it's been worth it. Before I say anything else, I wish to thank you for all the work you put into writing and publishing this story. You either have a great beta reader or are naturally talented in this regard, but the technical quality of your writing made this a very comfortable read.
My thought about the plot: Harry and Jon make a bloody good team. At first I was skeptical about this setting and scenario, which is why I didn't give this story a shot until now. But I was positively surprised. You managed to integrate Jon incredibly well into this strange new world he finds himself in, all the while having to deal with a Harry Potter that traveled back in time after dying at the hands of his nemesis.
I think your expansion of the Harry Potter canon is too much to really fit what could have been unmentioned details of the books or the movies. Don't get me wrong, I really like your original characters because they come alive in your writing and I enjoyed your suppositions about the magical world, but it is all a bit too much without calling this an AU. It takes a good deal of handwaving to make this extensive world-building work historically with the Harry Potter canon as we know it.
Finally, as much as I enjoyed this tale, I would have preferred if things had happened the other way around with both Harry and Jon being revived/reborn in the ASoIaF verse. You've included some small hints about what's going on there and I always thought the logical thing would be for Harry to join and help Jon deal with his world's problems once Voldemort is finally dealt with. There's actually a tiny little bit of criticism I feel you deserve: I always believed Jon to be very steadfast in his duty, if not to the Watch after he was betrayed by them, then at least to the people of the North or his remaining family. But in your story, he's almost like "living the easy life is quite nice" and never thinks about what's happening to the place of his birth. The reason why I think it would have been smarter to have Jon and Harry deal with the political situation in Westeros and ultimately the White Walkers first, is that doing it the other way around makes things way too easy. While Harry Potter style magic is less about ultimate power, its versatility is miles ahead of whatever magic is possible in ASoIaF and even then there is canon type magic that allows for subduing, controlling and potentially taming dangerous magical animals. If Harry can deal with the likes of a basilisk and a dragon at 14, then doing the same with Daenerys' dragons or the wights and White Walkers shouldn't be too much of an issue either, at least in a one on one confrontation. I guess I'll have to read other authors' HP/ASoIaF crossovers to get my fix of that :)
| athos chapter 17 . 5/8
| athos chapter 16 . 5/8
| Smutley Do-Wrong chapter 44 . 5/8
Analogy: you like picture B more than picture A.
Or me pointing out my view of A and B, you agree or don't agree.
Probably lot of my review, and future reviews, are regarding MY POV, bias, taste, preferences.
So often, it won't be a "that's wrong", but my opinion, feeling, about what I discuss.
"Pretty much, once it's not like... human, or alive."
Bit cryptic, might need cereal box having decoder ring.
Guess: he verbally stumbles there?
But maybe author stumbles too, sort of not fully intelligible? Possible SPaG tripped the stumbling lines into being too "stumbly".
" blocking the front of her pelvis. "
Maybe better with less broad a location, and more sexually suggestive? Or Harry less N
BDSM slave princess Leia thought tied, and thoughts drift to nude Penelope, & her folds AND then imagine Valerian similarly.
Lol. Good retort? Harry could retort he actually was imagining Valerian less clothed but her posing/?teasing", her precious bits emphasized, by her dangling the glove in front of her feminine folds...Valerian putting the movie of "undressing" her in his mind, by provocative dangling of the glove.
" It was less revealing than her Onyx Armour, anyway."
The "anyway" had me wondering if typo, if intended "was more revealing". "Anyway" dangling there, has positive implication, like it an "upside", with the "less revealing" taken as boy POV, a downside.
Valerian was, at this present moment in time, taking off her clothes;...Awesome!
she had her panties in her hand. She threw it at his face..."Bonzai!" Harry jumped in, creating a massive splash.
Not that I'm interested, though female & gay guy readers might be. But sort of missing, is if Harry mostly clothed, only strip show being performed by Valerian.
Ok, later: "He threw his running shorts out of the pool.".
So can deduce, Harry junior not hanging freely. Perhaps add in, how clad he was, before jumped, or jumped in, still wearing...a,b,c...
"It would take an army to stop him crossing that bridge. Sigh." Or sigh, army of one, an evil cock blocker author, 10 times nominated for the international champion sex tease writing award.
An aura of hunger touched her magic.
It felt, invasive somehow. Whatever magic he called upon to accomplish that feat was different, but, a bit forward, coming from him.
And even though she was angry, somehow, someway, she had still taken off her clothes, of her own free will (((forgetful was she? "touched her magic...invasive...off her clothes... ?free will? Or she likes being lusted after, not much of push needed, to WILLfully strip for her boyfriend?:) :~ So written purposely unclear? Or accidentally muddled here, Harry sex imperio affect on girls vs Valerian not admitting she likes being lusted after, and flaunting her hot body, teasing Harry, pretending to be more chaste than she feels? )))
in conversation, not 'labeling' the speaker well:
"Pretty much. And the Violet flowers signify Loyalty. Sexually, ... ," she recited easily.
"You know a lot."
Until "she recited", read like Harry still talking.
Then it's Harry, "You know...", by default.
I'd not noticed very much in the past, possibly legitimate "style", of conversation without much explicit indication, of which character is speaking.
I know not, "the "rules", typesetter nazi standards. But do notice time to time, fanfic dialogs, where have to pause, reread, or puzzle out "who said that"?
No idea if approved or not approved "style/format", dialog lacking much "labeling" description to show/"introduce" who is speaking. All those descriptions can add up to being rather cumbersome and awkward.
No idea, no experience, in the speaker not being explicitly indicated. I suppose if poorly done, for readers, becomes a constant whoTF is talking?".
Boo: "Some things are not meant to be, and I've come to terms with that. "
ménage a trois, ménage a trois, Penney ain't no penny ante. Double header, double decker, double the fun.
Come on Penney, PLEAD BEG GROVEL.
Beg Valerian. "I am not a threat. I won't poach him. Cannot we share him? I love him. Do you? It's not wrong, don't you think, getting love from both of us, is good, good for him? Please? Can't you share, let me in?"
I'm assuming "He didn't have feelings for her...", is a big river of De Nile?
And I take ".. but whatever magic she was projecting... couldn't be good over the long term...", as being excellent, poor Penny not left out in the cold much longer.
Plus Penny getting a powerup, puts her more on par with Valerian level of badassery.
The power up seems to have her fit better, for joining the twosome, making it a threesome, horny Harry finally getting some, hmm, and then some, more some, dim sum, threesome?
Naked Penny measuring, could use more visuals.
Unclear: Harry so drooling at naked penny candy on a pedestal, he plays good blind boyfriend, by fighting it? He can't resist looking at Valerian, who part teases and part retreats and covers up.
Here, Penelope GIVES him more, full Monty, full frontal, full baby'sGotBackside, AND INSEAM, to gaze freely, or savor delicious penny eye candy, top to bottom, without staring, the measuring, disguising Harry able to savor every bit of her, including her best bits, while "measuring".
Is Harry unrealistically portrayed here? He fantasizes of naked Penney, when or while thinking of naked Valerian, or/& Nym. Yet offered mouth watering naked Penny candy on a platter/pedestal, seems nearly averting his eyes (by the portrayal here).
As portrayed ? REALLY? Did he ... like, often avert his eyes and thoughts, NOT take in the view...much?
I've have in probably
| ralula chapter 44 . 5/7
Really great chapter, this is well written and great character development. Keep writing your efforts are much appreciated...
| Nike3847 chapter 44 . 5/7
Well written and amazing to read.. Well Done.
| TheLaughingMan1 chapter 44 . 5/7
Uh oh, Jon's got a new hot young aunt. Alexandria better watch out.
| BioHazard82 chapter 44 . 5/6
Another great chapter.
| Svenion chapter 1 . 5/6
wow, I already hope Jon dies. I much prefer the stories where they get at least a clue about what's up while they're "in between". otherwise I have a feeling ignorant Jon is going to get even more annoying
| Ruapehu82 chapter 44 . 5/6
Congratulations on finishing a great story! I love the immortal heroes aspect of the story ...they are like wizarding superheroes... I'm not sure about Penelope' s role in the tale though... I hope she resolves into a strong female friend he can rely on (similar to Hermione in previous life) not adding to his stress and confusion... I look forward to maybe some more westerosi elements in the next arc?
| Kal824 chapter 44 . 5/6
Really enjoyed the Jon and Harry duel, didn't drag but was enthralling.
I like the idea behind the new armor but it feels like a new excuse for Valerian to be more or less exposed, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but it's beginning to just feel like a trope
| mwinter1 chapter 44 . 5/5
| tlyxor1 chapter 44 . 5/5
Did you skip a chapter? Haven't read this one yet just in case of spoilers, but I just thought I'd check...