Reviews for The Foxtrot
Old Mooshie chapter 19 . 6/23
This fic surprised me. I was ready for a pretty standard shipping fare, but what I got instead was a story of apparently unrequited love, broken bridges desperate to be mended, and a disturbingly realistic look into the motivations of a family and the complexities of human interaction. I truly enjoyed this fic, even when it got a little to "real." Who hasn't been in Weiss's situation during that conversation in the truck?

Also, that is a perfectly chosen title.
thorneux chapter 19 . 4/27
Angst of 18 and a half chapters and a half chapter of fluff? My thirst for good angst is sated i lOVE IT
sfrazier793 chapter 19 . 4/18
Just finished binge reading! Amazing story! 4 hours of my life were just well spent!
sfrazier793 chapter 2 . 4/18
Reading so far and I am hooked. Also side note: Savage Winter is best Winter! All her lines had me dying XD! Lol
Intameticus chapter 19 . 3/19
RvB Felix chapter 19 . 2/16
wow. What a story. Absolutely loved it, every part of it. This story was very well written and told. well done. While the ending was a bit rushed, it was well done. This entire tale was fantastic. Thank you so much for your time and efforts to provide this wonderful fic. I hope to see more from you again soon.
RexCaldoran chapter 1 . 1/31
qwq I love it.
But I'm kinda torn on: one i'd love to read more about this interpretation of WhiteRose on the the other hand is the end certainly near perfect and a sequel may ruin that. idk
Ijustwannahelp chapter 19 . 11/10/2017
A Beauty of a fic. Made me feel aaaall kindsa emotions. Loved it.

Thank you for writing this. I enjoyed reading it.
Rwby Arc chapter 19 . 10/31/2017
Simply...Beautiful. I really don't have anymore words.
During my time reading this fanfiction,my heart ached. I could feel the pain,the emotions... your writimg stule is so good and...and... UGH!
I don't have any words to describe how amazing this fanfic was! It was simply beautiful...So thank you,for this amazing story.
Fatpandabear chapter 19 . 10/15/2017
The end of this story made my heart feel so warm. I love you.
intenseshipp20 chapter 3 . 8/17/2017
ajaja lo último fue gracioso violet cuidado weiss te puede matar
y sobre lo de jaune vaya hombre! es duro muy duro murio no? es obvio pero bueno...
me sentí super mal quiero decir quién no quiere a jaune? es lindo a su manera.. ;;
intenseshipp20 chapter 2 . 8/17/2017
ex? wow pensé que eran friends , y odio? nooooo
tenía que esperarlo esstas dos son tan idiotas! algo debió de pasar..
y winter se me hace raro... aqui algo huele raro
intenseshipp20 chapter 1 . 8/17/2017
ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhh mil ahhhhhhhhhh es raro ... sabes al leer esto no sé porque pero me dan ganas de llorar ... me gusta tu modo de escribir esta historia ;3 se nota que weiss necesita a ruby..a todos de vuelta, espero ver como avanza esto
gracias por el capitulo
Nagaichi chapter 19 . 8/17/2017
Another awesome story
AllTheShips1717 chapter 1 . 7/6/2017
*Sir, Sir, we have found a White Rose Story with a nice word count sir!*
_Chalk it up with the others_
*But sir, this one is different.*
_Does it not involve the Fall of Remnent?_
*It does sir*
_Then I am not interested_
*But sir, it only uses it as... a plot device, and takes place... after the war.*
_Hmm, alright, you have my attention_
*But the ending does not match the story*
_Hmm, alright then, is it worth reading, go through the checklist_
*Symbolic methods, unique storytelling methods, interesting and likable characters, similar to how they were before, good writing, decent comedic relief, well-paced, gives a nice message, has yuri, all check*
_Hmm, I still don't know_
*But this one has something special*
*The title... actually means something!*
_What? I will check it out in the A.M._
*Thank you sir, you will not be disappointed*
_I better not be_
Assistant leaves
_Sigh, this looks like a job for, All the Ships Man, the ultimate reviewer, mild-mannered fanfic reader by day, stone cold critic by night._

Alright, I should have done this before but...
Wait, why am I not logged in, hold on...

Okay, now that that's done, I can bout that intro BTW. And let me just start off by saying, I have to agree with Mr. Butter's review below (not actually his name) in saying, although I liked the story, I agree that it was beautifully written and well done, it was not perfect, especially not the ending. Let me begin with some of the minor points before we get to the elephant in the room.

First of all, although the flashbacks were nice, I felt they never actually lead anywhere and felt unnecessary, it would have been nicer if they all joined together to form a puzzle map of their past, but it just felt like random scribblings to me. It also would have been nice to have a FULL flashback of Jaune's death rather than just a short recollection, since it would have given more of an emotional impact.

Second, although we can see the foxtrot has importance, it was only given once in the story, on top of that, the message itself was not clear on what it meant to them or the story. If you had put it more at the end and made the meaning more clear, it could have worked. Although my assistant was right, it did indeed have meaning, unlike Rush, Silent Melody, and Can You Feel My Heart (Great Stories, but one is Madoka Magica not RWBY), this one could have been more involved.

3rd, while you can see how the war affected them harshly, it would have been nicer to see a more in depth nightmare. Although the one in chapter 11, "The Glow of a Kitchen Nightlight" was good, it would have been nicer to see a more in depth picture of the nightmare because it would have given us fresh insight onto the characters as a whole. Keep in mind, these may just be nitpicks, but the little details really can make a story infinitely better.

And while there are more, this one is by far the worst one, and makes all the others seem like minor grammar and spelling mistakes by comparison. The Ending. I like the idea of putting the last chapter through Ruby's POV because it gave us more insight into how she felt during those moments, but in doing so, you messed up two parts that would have made the final chapter work, the flashbacks themselves, and the ending itself.

Lemme explain, the flashbacks themselves were flawed because it didn't portray the emotion quite as well as from Weiss's POV, and didn't give us a proper look into all of how Ruby should have felt, especially the bath scene, you would think Ruby would care more about being groped than Weiss taking care of her at the moment. The flashbacks felt rushed and just tossed in their rather than naturally incorporated into the story, which I felt was a huge mistake.

But I can forgive the flashbacks if not for the sheer laziness of the ending. Although the emotions were good before the confession, I felt you didn't do a good job showing how hurt Ruby really was during this scene, it was obvious, of course, but you need to show that better than simply saying something like "Tears streamed down her face faster than she could wipe them." This could have shown that she did love her more than she let on. But the confession was what got me. The confession didn't have to be romantic, I'm not asking for that, but that was probably the worst confession I had ever seen, I know Ruby is clumsy, but jesus. And that's another issue, Weiss reacted far too fast, she should have been shocked, and then have Ruby mumble for a bit longer.

What else? It also felt it should have been longer, when two people confess and kiss, especially after a hash breakup, time freezes and people slow down. The story should have showed their emotions going through them far more in depth than it actually was.

Last real complaint, Blake. I know she can be different, but it would have been better if the roles were reversed, if Ruby asked if it was okay and Blake saying she could go for it, which would seem in character. I know it's for comedic effect, quote the Amazing World of Gumball... "THE CONTINUITY, HE'S RUINING THE CONTINUITY"

But just because I have all these bads means that this is a bad story, no, far from it.
This is without a doubt a great story, and for how good it is, it has surprisingly few duds. As a fellow writer (though I haven't uploaded any stories cause I want to completely finish them before uploading), I know how hard writing can be, and for a story this well written, it is amazing it has so few mistakes, besides the ending of course.

Although it did feel rushed, there were still great parts to it, and the story itself is wonderful, uplifting, and well worth reading. And although I did have many complaints about the final chapter, I felt it was a nice idea, a nice finisher, and most of all very well done parts, especially that speech Yang gave Ruby at the end.

If you haven't read it, go read it. The ending can make or break a story, and while this one isn't the best, it is far from breaking the story for me. 8.25/10

Also, final nitpick, it would have been really nice to have an epilogue chapter to show the characters living their new happy lives and to show them recovering, okay, I'm done, bye... And if you ever want me to review anything else, just say so.

And just in case you are wonder9ng (i'm sure nobody is), the fanfics I am writing are Corpse Party, Star vs the Forces of Evil, RWBY, and maybe Madoka Magica, maybe.
455 | Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »