|Reviews for The Ways of Turmoil|
| LazerWulf chapter 5 . 7/22/2004
I like it.
Keep it up!
| PJ Zatken chapter 5 . 4/6/2004
Oh, so Pegasus IS as young as he should be in your fic. That's good ;-D I didn't notice that in the first parts of this fic.
The word "kun..." not so sure. I know that Yugi calls Kaiba as Kaiba-kun. Maybe you can explain how these honorifics are used. I know chan stands for endearment, and kun is use for respect (to people who are the same age as the user or slightly older than the user).
I like the talk between Pegasus and Seto. This is where descriptions balanced with spontaneous dialogue will make it less boring (BTW, I did NOT find this chapter boring at all. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed it ) ;-D
Until next time, my dear ;-D Keep up the good work ;-D
| PJ Zatken chapter 4 . 4/6/2004
Hi, my dear ;-D
Anyway, yes, Seto is OOC but as I said...I believe in 3-dimensional characters so this doesn't bother me one bit. Actually, I am enjoying this because even though it is OOC, it is possible for someone such as the Seto you've portrayed to be the Kaiba we love to hate and hate to love.
Hmm...just a concern. I saw Peggy-san for Pegasus. I think that they just called him Pegasus, being that he's American.
I also like how you inserted a part of the manga history in there - the curt reply that Kaiba gives Mokuba.
Good job ;-D
| PJ Zatken chapter 3 . 4/6/2004
Boy, you really know how to make someone cry...
Okey dokey, objective critique cap on...grammar boo-boos still on the tolerable end, which is good. Unlike the second chapter, this third chapter's first and ending paragraphs are well balanced.
One thing I did notice on this chapter that I didn't notice on the other two is how you separate the quotes with the person's action. For example, the line where it says that Seto couldn't hold his feelings in any longer and the following quote should be together as one paragraph because it is Seto talking.
I love how gentle Pegasus is in here. Yeah, the traditional canon fangirls will whack me with wet noodles for saying this because it sounds unlike Pegasus to be gentle...but I believe in 3-dimensional characters and I'm glad that it seems that you do, too.
Oh, BTW, before I forget...you call him Seto now in these chapters and this is acceptable because there is no precedence established by the anime or manga (we met an already adopted Kaiba Seto).
Just a suggestion when the story comes that Seto is adopted then it should ideally change to Kaiba - not so sure how thrown off your readers would be, but to me, it is a sign that the Seto we know in the first few chapters of your story and the Kaiba that will be adopted by Gozaburo may physically be the same person but would be emotionally and spiritually different.
Another good chapter, my dear. Keep up the good work ;-D
| PJ Zatken chapter 2 . 4/6/2004
OMG...**jaw drops** I just keep forgetting how sad of a life they have at times.
The first paragraph - which I believe is a very important part of the chapter - is too "heavy" (meaning to say that it is visually heavy that it tires the eye, although everything in it is good). I'm putting this comment out there because some readers have no patience (yeah, yeah, I know that you can't please everyone)...
This chapter has a little more grammatical errors than the first one, but the errors are much much more forgivable than a good portion of the fanfics that are currently out there.
BTW, the evil plot bunny did its work in this chapter (and that's good, judging by the cliffie). I love how you give the young YGO characters ties. I love how you portrayed Kaiba before he gets corrupted by Gozaburo - a lot of people condemn him as a jerk, which he is, but he still has a heart in there.
I also love birthdays, so this chapter really touched my heart...but alas, good things must come to an end knowing that something bad will happen to Seto's Dad.
Overall, still a job well done, my dear ;-D
| PJ Zatken chapter 1 . 4/6/2004
Hi! I found your posting at Janime's site and checked out your story. Here's my objective critique.
The first chapter's good ;-D Very few grammatical errors, descriptions are nicely done, nice change to the storyline (inserting the parents, who we both know little about. I'm not so sure how they died, though, but I think that both parents died together - like a car accident or something, but this is still a nice change).
I like how you tied Kaiba's dad's history with Pegasus, although I think Pegasus is the most 25 years old and most probably younger (although I may be mistaken).
I also like how you did the drama between father and son - you could have played your descriptions more on this one such as describing how Seto's innocent eyes became wide when he finds out that his Dad wants him to name the baby.
Overall, my dear, a wonderful story. I will be reading the next chapter and will be adding you on my favorites.
BTW, please check out my work and let me know what you think...
| Water's Shadow chapter 5 . 2/14/2004
cool story! check out my story, Ecstasy! oh and update sometime in the very very very near future
| Vx Tao Ren xV chapter 5 . 2/14/2004
It wasn't dull.. just.. detailed. I thought Mokuba was so cute when he didn't really grasp the fath that his father was dead.. wait.. that doesnt sound cute.. oh well! I think the funniest thing was when Pegasus was describing Gozaburo and said that he had no love for cartoons.. lol.. Please keep going, it's coming out really well. _
| Nari-chan SND chapter 5 . 2/14/2004
Nari: Wow! you write great chapters! Well, I've got to go now! Update soon! Ja!
| Gone Away 2345 chapter 3 . 2/6/2004
Whoa, you have gone the distance to make this fic very bright, beautiful and believable. It was nearly sad and I almost cried! Continue!
| Nari-chan SND chapter 4 . 2/5/2004
Update soon! Ja!
| Silver Bleak chapter 4 . 2/5/2004
wow! cool fic! please update soon! n think u could check out my fic?
| Vx Tao Ren xV chapter 4 . 1/31/2004
Wow.. for knowing very little this is coming out really well. Seto-Sama knowing Yuugi from the beginning is also an interesting concept to work with.. Hmm.. I comend you for your.. your.. uhmm.. ::refers to a word used in a review to one fic of mine:: Awesomenessousity! Eh heh heh.. _;; (I think I spelled it right .. ::blinks:: Anyways! Keep going! Ganbatte! _
| Nari-chan SND chapter 4 . 1/31/2004
Nari: Great chapter! I feel really bad for Seto, but I think that it's pretty cool how you did the foreshadowing! UPdate soon! Ja!
| Nari-chan SND chapter 3 . 1/26/2004
Nari: Aww! ;.; So sad! I feel so bad for Seto and Mokuba! *cries*
Nari: I have nothing else to say, except that you're on my favorites list! Yay!
Nari: She's in a bad mood, so ignore her! Update soon! Ja!