|Reviews for Beyond The Veil|
| gutenacht chapter 21 . 22h
Great story so far where's the rest?
| intata chapter 15 . 7/27
So far there's been nothing from Thane, and I'm confused about that.
While I'm reviewing, I'll take the time to say that this is a fun story, but incredibly rushed. So much happens so fast, and nobody ever examines their surroundings, or stops to smell the roses. It's just "PLOT PLOT PLOT PLOT oh look Harry's doing something awesome, conversations and social interactions aren't important, are they? Didn't think so PLOT PLOT PLOT"
I'm not attached to any of these characters. You have a story and plot which are well thought out and fun, but there's almost no character development. You haven't examined anyone's psychological profile, we don't know how people see Harry or Jane, we don't have characters, you've built robots that do as you direct, not characters that do as they do.
And then you throw in deus ex machina left and right. Well hidden and unobtrusive as they are, it's still rather blunt.
| torlan2003 chapter 21 . 7/15
Great Story, The part about the redheaded Malfoys was hilarious! I hope he can find out a way to tell indoctrinated people without going through their mind. I am glad that they are going to hit the Reapers back instead of just reacting to each attach. Thank you for taking the time to write. I look forward to the next chapter.
| Kminari chapter 6 . 7/14
Is kaiden or kaidan?
What happened to the knowledge of the Cypher going first to Harry and then to the others?
| Guest chapter 21 . 7/12
I love this story well written and apparently thought out. I can’t wait for more!
| SaintMichael95 chapter 21 . 7/13
Oh man. I can't wait for the next chapter! I am glad you're going back and rewriting the first few chapters. The difference in writing quality is "HUGE" between then and now lol.
| Whiteknight29 chapter 3 . 7/12
Can’t really get behind this story. The background behind him leaving was good, but him just popping around and stopping or intervening in major affairs back tot back to back for two chapters is just boring. I can get behind a super powered character (Harry potter: Geth is a good example of an OP character in this particular crossover ), but this is taking away so many opportunities and physical struggles that can bring people together. Mass Effect is very much a “band of brothers” type story, and a major, if not critical aspect being that Shepard’s team puts their best selves forward while under pressure. Just because a character is brokenly OP, doesn’t mean they cannot experience combat pressure. I hope you revist this crossover in a different story, because I like your writing, but not your plot.
| ellainaparker chapter 21 . 7/7
| BioHazard82 chapter 21 . 7/2
Great story so far. Please update soon!
| drucifer000 chapter 21 . 7/2
This is a great work! Can't wait to see the next chapter, seems like we're coming to the final confrontation!
| aesir21 chapter 21 . 7/1
It would be awesome to see how the ritual works I certainly have not heard about it in any fic before. I am glad Harry was able to chat her up with Hermione and caution her about creating many philosopher stones.
| TypedSomeWords chapter 19 . 7/1
Boom! That’s one way to announce a comeback. Jane gets more familiar with her new abilities, think of the nightmare slavers will have when she learns to flash teleport! (maybe?)
| TypedSomeWords chapter 21 . 7/1
Really interesting evaluation of Hermione’s plan regarding the Philosophers stones.
Harry and Hermione’s parting was pretty deep. To me it felt like siblings reunited after a very long time but having to part far too soon.
Awh man, so Harry and Jane still can’t get together.
Tevos is a plant!
| H596 chapter 4 . 7/1
Uhhhhhhh if he stopped the Turian invasion then the Asari had no reason to intervene and the alliance wouldn’t join the citadel.
I mean how do you forget to explain that? It’s like you’re too busy Gary Stuing him around the galaxy solving problems by pulling new skills out of his ass that you forgot to actually put in major details that don’t revolve around mr. “totally overpowered bullshit guy”.
| H596 chapter 3 . 6/30
Oxygen and hydrogen? Explosive atmospheres aren’t ideal. I think you meant nitrogen which comprises 78% of the earth’s atmosphere.