|Reviews for Lost Causes and Broken Dreams|
| Jknight97 chapter 13 . 10/1
Finally got around to finish reading the story. I’ve been putting off reading it till I could get my chapters written but I’m stuck at present. More like the desire to write has left. I’m currently burdened by a deeply personal situation which is not helping my mental well-being but I’ve had to come to accept as inevitable. Once it’s been resolved, I hope to be able to get back to the second part of my ZLS series soon. Great story and I can’t wait to see the cards that you’re holding close to your chest re Wolf-Fox hybrid and how Tommy came to be. Just one question which is more for my story: what would be the time difference between when Dave goes to the bar and hears about Nick and Judy becoming a couple and when he meets them in the salle with the AMCQC instructors?
| Cimar of Turalis WildeHopps chapter 13 . 9/29
Just realized I had forgotten to review this chapter so I am rectifying that now. Lots of great and powerful scenes in this chapter. You did an excellent job with choreographing the fight sequences and making them flow rather easily, keeping always in mind the height of the animals involved. It was very nice to see that as many fight sequences are disjointed in many stories due to folks forgetting that a fox and rabbit aren't the same size.
The different styles you had each mammal use was very nice to see. Judy with her momentum, Nick with his wiles, and the good ole doc with experience. I'm still thinking Judy will get her revenge on that low blow on Nick and could probably get it too. XD I hope Nick was wearing a cup or Gunny apologized for that after as that is a hit no man should give another man, even if it was to teach him a lesson to help him and his partner. XD I doubt we'll see another lesson of this, though I'm sure that Judy would like to be paired up with Gunny after that. XD
The scene at the bar was rather well thought out, with the questions and banter realistic. That whole incident with Carol and Miles adds another dimension to this which will be interesting to see play out. Lots of new plot lines here that could be developed and hopefully if another sparring chapter is including, Judy and Nick have learned and do a bit better. XD Dave's blindfolded scene was just awesome!
| Missy2.0 Frozen forever chapter 13 . 9/29
Thank you. This fanfiction shows a side of the world that people would rather ignore. I find your attention to emotional and scientific reality absolutely beautiful, and I just really, really love what you're doing here.
| Guest chapter 9 . 9/25
Love this story so far. The issue I have is the over scientific explanation of things considering the vast amount of disbelief required to assume evolution could produce a zootopia society. Just the development of language would require huge changes in the genetics of these animals considering how words are formed let alone non verbal facial expression. Then if you assume that much then the next huge leap is developing an opposing thumb. Then developing joints that allow legs and arms to operate and function (grasping, hugging, ruining, driving, etc ) in an upright standing position. To look past these but then say certian hoofed species would keep their single hooves is rather strange. Also using Latin language obviously based on only one species description of all others is odd but understandable for the story. These are not really criticisms as much as observations... I love the story so far.
| J Shute Norway chapter 13 . 9/18
WOOHOOO! New chapter!
It was an interesting read, for sure. A breather chapter is always good, and the scene at the bar was great. Mammals talking, enjoying each other... I love the chemistry of the military and non-military mammals. Speaking of which, I'm assuming you do have a friend in the military, who sparked your interest in this and helps you with the details of this stuff. I scanned through the AN's and couldn't pick up on anything (though I may have skimmed over the specific detail). IIRC, you advertised Chorpion on this Fic, who I believe was military. I think WildeNick might have been too... though I'm quite unsure on that one.
Anyway, it does seem like you have a guilty pleasure/ good interest in martial arts (personally, trains scratch said itch for me). The banter around the fights was entertaining, and it was good to see Dave cool down. While not so much my thing, I sort of enjoyed these chapters, though I fear my enjoyment was sullied a little bit by the run-along sentences (i.e. clause after clause separated by comma after comma). I do admit to feeling guilty for bringing up something like that up in such a fantastic fic. It really seems nit-picky, but it does affect the reading/pacing of those sequences. They just don't flow 'right'/ the pacing seems off.
Now, I admit that this is nowhere near as bad as the action scenes in a certain other popular weekly Fic (which I've commented on before). However, the latest What-If story (currently by Foxinthehenhouse) does have a wrestling/boxing scene and the sentence structure in that is excellent...
And the thing is, it really makes a difference reading it. I'm very conscious that I may be coming off as a grammar Nazi (and to be fair, this really is only a minor fault in a minor part of one of the best Fics around) but a little more attention to proper sentence structure (as well as imagining punctuation less as a boring rule to follow, but rather a way of pacing your work as if it were a scene in a film) can have a remarkable effect. To be fair, it is a difficult balance to get. Looking back at the fight scene in chapter 39 of my last Fic, there are comma's that (while I don't believe they're technically incorrectly placed) I now think shouldn't be there, given that they slow down the pacing in the wrong places. (Alternatively, I re-read chapter 29 of ZTOP and I think I got that one spot on.)
I digress... It's such a lot to talk about such a small flaw in such an otherwise brilliant piece of work. The chances are, if I were more into the MMA stuff I'd be able to read over it and enjoy it in a breeze. Regardless, your dedication and perseverance is greatly appreciated. Thanks very much for this chapter, I'm looking forward to the next.
| Tinbuzzard11 chapter 13 . 9/16
Don't worry about the delay, I'm just happy you're able to fit writing this story into your schedule. However, the delay meant that I did have to seek out other dealers to get my Zootopia fix. It's amazing how many good fics are here, and I do appreciate the recommendations from you and many other authors .
I quite enjoyed ch 13 with your usual excellent, well rounded characters. The Dave and Carol dynamic is a pleasure to follow, and I particularly like the large # of OC's in this story as compared to most others. That gives hope to those of us who might want to try our own story set in this universe. (With nearly every possible permutation of the main character's lives having been covered by someone else already!)
I am not into martial arts, but your descriptions are enough to make me consider trying it at a basic level. (I could use something like that as writingretirement is unequal to fitness) Does reading about it count as aerobic exercise?
Awaiting the next...
| stevegallacci chapter 13 . 9/16
And the Crowd goes wild! A fascinating read. Reminds me how inept I have always been in fighting skills, aside from wrestling (even as a scrawny kid I could tangle pretty good) or as a marksman. Was finally struck with the small similarity of Carol and my Celeste (coyote girl in the story of the same name and variant in "Nichole and Julius") in that she has some seemingly disproportionate martial skills as well. Really liked the sweet parts too (and the N and J Celeste, a petite coyote is mated up with a particularly handsome wolf) I find I'm curious about Gavin in that when he's not a -expletive- Marine, he likely has some depth. (Hey, I'm former AF, so all Marines are too full of themselves for my taste) And as always, like the science end notes. Really helpful for better background for the characters in my stories too. And Science!
| Berserker88 chapter 13 . 9/16
When I started reading this story, I wasn't expecting a chapter so heavily focused on martial arts, but damn if that wasn't awesome! So much detail, insight, cultural lessons, and Nick getting uppercutted in the groin. Definitely would not mind seeing more of these lessons in the future.
But bringing the plot back to the medical aspect, I love how the characters can relate their own experiences during the Night Howler crisis and explain just how they were all bought in by the lies and hatred around them. Really helps to show how much of an impact it really had and why Judy shouldn't feel so bad about her role in starting it, because stopping it was much more important.
| Ande883 chapter 1 . 8/5
Well, the first chapter certainly got my attention. As someone who seems to thrive writing sad and depressing stories, I find this stuff incredibly entertaining even if I end up crying my eyes out and hating my life for a little while. Consider this first chapter plenty to keep me hooked for now!
| Tinbuzzard11 chapter 12 . 7/29
First: You have written an excellent, engaging, and yes, emotionally wrenching story. I've binge read it over the past few days and await more.
I recently found this site from a story recommendation on TV Tropes. I'm a beginning writer myself (Science Fiction novel) and originally came here to compare different authors and their styles-through the convenience of a shared subject matter-that just happens to be my favorite movie.
My naive preconceptions of what fan fiction was about were shattered by what you and several of your collaborators have written. I did not expect such thoroughly enjoyable stories and novel length (yea!) offerings for me to devour. Nor did I expect coordinated timelines, cross fertilization of ideas, and shared O.C.s between stories! Hopefully there is a way that this all can receive wider exposure than just this website.
I do have a couple of very minor comments. I second another reviewer's desire for a few more reminders linking the secondary character's names and species in your story. I sometimes have to scroll back a bit to remind myself of who is what! Part of this might be because a few characters have similar names, and that I'm bad in general with remembering them.
Last, I find as I read, that ending a sentence of dialog with a period, then having the following attribution start as a new capitalized sentence, causes a break in the flow. Use of a comma that links the dialog and attribution would smooth this.
Again, minor quibbles as I've thoroughly enjoyed this well crafted tale. I also greatly appreciate the scientific accuracy explained by your notes! That is an all too rare treat.
| user523523812352342 chapter 12 . 7/18
Well it's ironic that I read this chapter on a hospital bed. I am fine... kind of. First of all Dave and stuff are catching much needed breaks. The couple that he got to see before Janet and Tommy, the two having a healthy child with correctable scoliosis is a godsend. Now to talk about Jason... the dudes a douche, but the centre staff knows hes needed and willing to work with him to complete their goals. The comment Jason made about the cry closet almost made me throw my phone (I dont think the nurses would've appriciated that) but it was handled by Dave's friends. I am finally moved in now, and started to write again. Just need to get my ass outta the hospital. Always a pleasure reading, Till next time eng050599 -Chorpion
| KOakaKO chapter 10 . 7/7
Okay. So I left a comment for what was previously ch. 12, then I read the current ch. 12 and tried to leave a comment. FF won't allow me to comment, and won't allow me to edit the comment I left previously. So instead I'll just back up to ch. 10 in an effort to comment on the current ch. 12.
(Why does this feel like an average day on FFnet?)
I'm so intrigued by the idea of what obvious thing everymammal might be missing regarding Tommy's genome. By the end of this (very enjoyable and well written) chapter, I have a theory of what this might turn out to be. And yes, if that's what it is, then it should have been amazingly obvious to the entire team. Especially given Tommy's _. (Can't even say THAT, directly.)
Anyway... I'm not going to say what it is. I'm tempted, but I know lots of people dislike spoilers. I don't mind them myself, as I often read synopses of movies as I begin watching them, but I'll shut up about this particular guess. I'll let you know later if I was right or wrong... but if I'm right then it would really be wrong of me to just say it in a comment. :P
| CK chapter 1 . 6/29
Hey, it is really SSSOOOOOOOOoo nice to find another Scientist/Academic in the Zootopia Universe! You are also shaming me to finding the time to write out my own (horribly long winded) fantasy.
| Nikolaiwulf chapter 12 . 6/22
wow incredible, I hope Dave doesn't get more bruises haha can't wait for the next one
| FireMaster1 chapter 5 . 6/17
Personally I cannot wait to make a honorable mention of the institute in my own work and involve its members into my story :)