Reviews for The Entertainer
TheGromm chapter 36 . 10/20
My binge has continued...

Anyways, I just wanted to give you a thumbs up on this one as well. It was a bit grittier than your normal stuff, but to me didn't seem to suffer too hard for it. Heck, the M rating was mostly there more for just the overall concept rather than the actual content (though some scenes did require it, such as Yang's dream early on). I also like your "diverging paths vs divergent Jaune" thing you have going, and seeing what youd do with a different Jaune.

Some simple criticisms though (for the overall story). Some plot points kind of just fell off, to me at least. 2 examples:
1. Jaune spends time getting better at fighting. They realise his weapon is a big thing holding him back. We see him use Crocea Mors once, and after dealing with 6 White Fang who have no aura, he gets demolished. And then its just... Never brought up except to say "hes improved." i realise it wasnt a huge part of the story, but i still had its own arc (kinda). Just felt like it was unresolved, but the character interactions never suffered for it
2. Not a huge deal, in fact the way you took it may have come out better. I just thought it would be an interesting point of contention if Yang had found out that Blake knew what Jaune's job really was. Now she didnt know WHO he was or even that Yang herself frequented the VIP section. I could just see Yang, while in her rage/sadness after the big reveal, lashing out at Blake for that. But, it could have caused everything to become cluttered and confusing, so it was probably for the best. Just a thought i had that she knew and that was just... The end of that thing that was such a big deal to Jaune.

Anyways. Time to pick up the next one. Or finish stress relief. Whichever comes 1st.

Ic3pup543 chapter 36 . 10/14
I think, perhaps instead of Romance, your other main pairing tag should have been Angst. Honestly, I think I hated this story. I mean, the characters were constant, the plot progressed somewhat evenly, if one-sided, but it felt like you were just stabbing people in the emotional scrotum because you could. Drama indeed. Perhaps part of the reason I disliked it was how real the story was, because sometimes people are assholes with no justification. I don't know if you planned that last second convo with Nina and Jaune about his poor habits, or if it was meant to be anything other than Nina's admittedly biased perspective, but it felt a bit like you were trying to give Jaune a reason where there really wasn't any. Other than that, Yang seemed... not really flat, but like she was only there to prop Jaune up. So, yeah, kinda flat, actually. Don't get me wrong, she had her team, and her rendezvous with lovely Crimson there, but she didn't really make many mistakes, from her point of view or ours. Jaune fucked up all over the party. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. It does feel that way though. Either way, thanks for taking the time to write this.
Ic3pup543 chapter 34 . 10/14
It is what it is Jaune. People have limits. Even if someone might be able to bounce back once, twice, even more, even if they get hit, turn around and suplex the competition, even if everything that doesn't kill them makes them stronger, it also brings them that much closer to dying. No one ever sees before it's too late, no one ever notices, and someone else always takes the fall. He didn't have a reason. But he hasn't stopped trying.
Ic3pup543 chapter 33 . 10/14
There's a reason people call it a fate worse than death, you know. Humans are inherently social creatures, down to our cores. The bonds between us are the only things that keep us from falling apart. To lose that...? It's like scooping out your organs with a frozen pick.

Jaune has a plan. I hope it's better than his last one, for Yang's sake. No matter what his reasons were, she didn't deserve that from him. No one deserves that from anyone. I wouldn't wish such a thing upon those I count as the scum of the earth, vilest, cruelest, unworthiest to ever breathe. I'm being melodramatic here, but I'm serious. Now it's up to them. Not him. Not her. Together alone.
Ic3pup543 chapter 32 . 10/14
Well, now you've messed up. You have now officially made the worst mistake you possibly could make in the situation you were in, almighty god itself, existence be given, could not have fucked it up worse than you have. Everyone told you, but you wouldn't listen, because Jaune fucking Arc knows best. If I could just keep this going for a little longer... If I can just keep her from finding out... If I can get her away... If I can just lie a little longer... And that was the problem. I don't know why I didn't actually see it until Yang said it, but you really never intended to tell anyone, did you? That was a foregone decision on your part. No matter what, come fire or water, come light come death, no one could know, and you based your entire life around that.

I've been disappointed in you since we started this, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that now you have a choice. You have the choice to sit there and wallow in your lies, in the pain and misery you caused because you couldn't understand what was right in front of your eyes, you can revel in your pathetic, disgusting mess, or. Or you can get up, and try again. You fucked up. It happened. There is no changing that, no averting it now, because you my friend, have something seriously wrong with you in that head of yours, but there is a chance for you to try and do some good. Even if she hates you, even if she ties your name, your face to betrayal until she meets her end at the edge of a blade, you have a chance to try. There are no guarantees it will work, there's not even really a reason it should, except that if you care about her you will not let it end like this. So one last time, I beseech you. Try. Please, please try.
Ic3pup543 chapter 31 . 10/14
That was painful to read. Sickening, if I had to pick a word right now, and it's only going to get worse from here on out. Sorry Yang. You didn't deserve that. Jaune you dickhead. I don't actually have anything else to say to you right now.
Ic3pup543 chapter 30 . 10/14
Closure indeed. You were warned, Jaune. You were warned and you didn't listen. Nina told you, Reg told you, I've been bitching at you in the comments for ever now, not that that one matters, but you still didn't listen. Now you're going to pay the price. Yang, I don't really know what to say. Maybe I'm sorry on that buffoon's behalf, but I doubt you'll be wanting pity. Remember. Breathe. Let yourself feel, fight tooth and nail to claw every scrap you can, and then release. Relax.
Ic3pup543 chapter 29 . 10/14
Who even uses Facebook anymore? I quit when I was like, fourteen I think, and I never looked back. So the date went well. On the surface. When you look solely at the actions, the feelings they held, the things they shared, where they went, how they did things, the effort they put into this, even the end result, things went well. And yet. I know it's coming, and I keep trying not to look for it because I know it's coming, but I can't help but feel. This was the beginning of the end. The rise before the fall. Knowing how your romances tend to end, well. You have a tendency to plan for death. Or around death, as the case may be. So Yang's hung up on Crimson, but we didn't see it because it would've offset the tone, the same reason we barely saw any of Jaune's guilt-wracked perspective. It's slow, and it's subtle, but it's coming.
Ic3pup543 chapter 28 . 10/14
You can't tell, but I think I just spent like five minutes screaming. I regret my decisions, now; my head hurts, my throat's sore, and I still don't really feel any better. Somewhat like I feel Jaune is here. You don't feel better because you're still lying you fool. And, of course, all this is going to come out in the dinner date. There's no way Yang won't be hyper-focused on everything he says or does, and she won't be hurting like she was just now. There will be pain here, Jaune Arc, for the man who has done nothing. Oh yes, you did something, but you did it as Crimson, Crimson, who has nothing to do with Jaune Arc nee White the huntsman in training as you are so determined to see. Jaune Arc has done nothing, and if he continues on this path he will lose everything.

I mentioned I didn't really like the premise here, mostly because it seems like Yang is the only one putting anything out. Like, she seems like she's just there for Jaune to drag around. I know that isn't wholly true, but these last few chapters especially it's really felt like it, and the beginning isn't exactly contrary to that. I also mentioned how a big part of this is about Jaune learning who he is, and I know that isn't quite true now. For him, it's learning how to stop lying to himself. I still haven't figured it out for Yang though. Do me a favor and tell me when you do.
Ic3pup543 chapter 27 . 10/14
Jaune, when Nina told you to do something about your situation, I really don't think this is what she had in mind! You can't keep this up! At this point you haven't solved anything, you've just treated a symptom instead of going for the problem, and now you're just going to cause heartbreak again. You haven't changed the fact that you've been lying to Yang, and despite what you seem to think, that if you can keep everything under control, stay away, keep cool, things will work out, that's not going to go away. What are you going to do when something unexpected happens, die? No, you would, actually. Dramatic ass thot, you have no common sense. Where's Sun when you need him?!

You know, you've done a very good job with this story. I feel I should put that out there, since mostly I complain at things here. Drama was indeed the category for this. I don't like the premise of the story. You could probably tell from the way I bitched about it, every other chapter. I don't like that for this pairing to work, for this story to have gone forwards, Jaune sat there and lied to everyone. I think it's a stupid fucking premise, and it probably would've been better off a comedy piece than anything else, but how worked up I get over it is more proof that you really did a good job with it. You've made it realistic, perhaps a bit too much for my normal tastes, a little too close to home, and the characters make sense, as does the buildup. Just felt like I should say that.
Ic3pup543 chapter 26 . 10/14
Jaune you imbecile. Fuck, I barely have words for you right now. I do have a ribbon, though! It's even blue, for first place. My sister made it for me, when we were both little, and I'd been starting fights over stupid, petty things *cough cough*. I remember it so well because she gave it to me and I was happy, a bit confused though, and she said "Congratulations. You've missed the point better than anyone I've ever seen. Here's your prize." Since then it's been traded back and forth almost as much as our one-dollar-moron card, but that's beside the point. The point is that a relationship is about what you fucking want you moron! Ye gods, but I want to shake people when I hear someone say that. Yes, things will go wrong you fool, that's how this works! Things don't always work out dreamy the first time, or even at all! But we do not martyr ourselves! And supposed to happen? What in the name of wasabi on a parfait is that supposed to mean? Since when do you decide how things are supposed to be? When did you kill a god and sit on his throne last, huh? I could write a book about this nonsense. Moron. None of that was actually aimed at you, btw. I just needed to vent a bit.

Anyway, trouble in paradise. You know my opinions on that by now though, I think. Somehow though, I suspect that vengeance on Ruby will take a backseat to Nina laughing at him.
Ic3pup543 chapter 25 . 10/14
Cat's outta the bag now, no take backs! Damnit Jaune, you and your good company. And now you can't let her know you know, and that's not even considering the hammer blow Yang just dropped on him. Like, she probably could've beat him with the drink in her hand and he'd probably react better. Whoops. I wonder how long he'll be able to lie to himself about this one, hm? Why is this so "different," Jaune? Can't you think of any reason? Any at all?
Ic3pup543 chapter 24 . 10/14
Ruby Rose, dictator with a plan. A plan that will end in burning anger, vengeance, and pain, but a plan nonetheless. So here we go. Both of them are in the wrong, because they're both stupid, but both right. Jaune was acting on emotionally charged rationale, but his heart really was in the right place and he was worried. Yang had a good plan and she was a good sport, and if Jaune would pull his head from his ass maybe she wouldn't need to apologize, and yeah, maybe she was a little harsh. Nobody was really in the wrong here, at least once the deed was done. On the other hand, Jaune's been avoiding the question and lying for so long, somehow I doubt Pyrrha has the right answer here. Although, this does mean that Yang will probably be able to get over her crush! Nothing like the hard, cruel taste of reality to kill the joys in life.
Ic3pup543 chapter 23 . 10/14
You said it Jaune. What a fucking night. I can't even really blame this one on you, totally. Thanks Yang. Speaking of, I wonder if Jaune's extra crazy was a little from too much drink there at the bar? Stupid ass. Poor Pyrrha. The problem there is honestly from Jaune piddling around for too long. He doesn't want a relationship, no matter if it's with Pyrrha or not, but he's known that she's liked him for as long as they've been partnered, and he just sat there, hoping it would go away on its own if he didn't do anything. Didn't you listen to Nina at all Jaune? "Those who do nothing are destined to lose everything." Bit late now though, isn't it? Fucking idiot. And after storming off from Yang and Blake, after the former had a good idea to try and help? Ye gods. Poor Yang too. Though it seems that for all that she's hidden the signs of her affection well, even Pyrrha's drunk ass picked up on it. Hoo boy. She was probably the only one, being in the same situation, but still.
Ic3pup543 chapter 22 . 10/14
I got lots of feelings about the alcohol limit, but that's kinda moot so I'm gonna skip right over to the chaos happening here. Blissful shimmyness, Blake? Really? I guess Pyrrha isn't the only one who's had a bit too much to drink tonight. Makes you wonder how the poor girl was even dancing that well to begin with. On the bumblebee side, I think I can imagine how that little bathroom pow-pow went. Yang: *freaking out* Blake: *One-hundred percent done with Yang* Both: *soothing words, occasional snark*. Poor Blake. Poor Yang too, honestly, going in the shimmy circle. I'm gonna be laughing at that for a month. By the way, do you know how hard it is to review and not just jump to the next chapter when you end on a cliffhanger like that? I'm sure it's good for dramatic tension when the next part hasn't even been written yet, but right now it's mostly irritating.
1,965 | Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »