|Reviews for Honour Thy Blood|
| Revliledpembroke chapter 14 . 4/22
You know what I just realized? One of your objections to Ginny was that you don't end up with your best friend's sister.
Explain Charlus Potter and Dorea Black then.
Because you most certainly made Arcturus and Charlus very close.
| Revliledpembroke chapter 13 . 4/22
Hermione and Ron already know Harry has killed. Quirrell, way back in the day. That little bit of Tom Riddle, too, back in second year.
"And Potter may fight for you all but he is not light, he merely fights for what is right and killing that bastard is what is right and that is his right" he concluded."
That sounds EXACTLY like the definition of a Light Wizard to me. One who fights for what is right. Just because the current generation of Light Wizards are all namby-pamby hippies who think killing is wrong, even in warfare, does not make Harry any less of a Light Wizard.
A decapitation spell shouldn't be all that dark. It is, after all, an execution spell. Sure, it wouldn't be all that pleasant, but a regular cutting curse could probably do the same. And what if you used it to cut a slab of marble or a tree in half?
Tuition fees are 2000 galleons a year? The only magical school in the whole of England, and it costs 10000 pounds a year, plus 2500 in expenses? Boy, they must be rolling in money.
Oh, hell, when Percy, Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny we're all in school, the Weasleys would be paying 10,000 galleons for them to do so. I don't think they have that kind of money. If they do, how much goes into buying food for their massive horde?
250,000 galleons from Harry and Sirius? That's 2.5 million pounds. That is possible, but I'd expect they'd have almost emptied their vaults to do that. It's one thing to be independently wealthy, it's quite another to just give away 1.25 million pounds.
| Revliledpembroke chapter 12 . 4/22
He could not blame Potter for his own INdiscretions, not discretions. The word is indiscretions.
The Ministry cannot possibly be poor. It looks to be the biggest employer of magical folk in the whole of England.
"He knew there was no way his father would allow him to be locked away like a common criminal." Oh, like your Aunt Bella, huh?
You said "wrong's." That isn't a word. The word is wrongs. An apostrophe never makes a word plural. Never.
"But surely they are too young" says McGonagall, not hours after one of those "too young" students was on trial for rape and using an Unforgivable. Really, she should fucking know better by now.
I know you make the distinction between a duel and a fight, and I very much know there is one, but one of the duelists won her dueling trophy by hitting her opponent with a Reducto. You know, the spell that "could easily turns teacher's desk into a fine mist."
Not thinks that he will show the world that Potter had just gotten lucky. He will be intimidated by the boy. Uhh... He was NOT be intimidated, you mean. Right?
"Darker curses from his Black knowledge designed to incapacitate the man." Then they aren't Dark. Not unless they "incapacitate" him by making him faint after taking unbearable pain.
"He was immediately weary of the boys power, he clearly had that in abundance." First off, it's wary, not weary. He's been made cautious of the boy's power, not tired of it. Second, that comma should be a semi-colon.
You really shouldn't say "Begin" and "End Flashback." Just saying "Three Months Earlier" and "Present time" would be better. Hell, you could even say "And Now, Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming" or some other cheeky reference.
Why does Voldemort have to duel Harry at all? Why not turn himself invisible and stab him with a knife? Too Muggle, maybe... OK, cut his head off with a spell after sneaking up on him.
"Lord Voldemort was concerned, and his concern was increasing"? No. "Voldemort was concerned and growing even more so." Using the same word so close together just feels wrong.
Oh, and I forgot to add this to my last review, but thank you for making Malfoy an utter bastard. I'm so tired of the Malfoy fangirls and the Draco/Hermione stories. No one would want to see a member of the KKK date a black girl he used to call the "N" word, but somehow a Death Eater calling a Muggleborn a "Mudblood" is a perfectly reasonable grounds for a date.
| Revliledpembroke chapter 11 . 4/22
Somebody sent you a PM saying that there hadn't been enough "difficult times"? Never believe such a person. They are the reason certain characters are all *Batman voice* "Why should I care about anyone, anyway? Life is terrible and then we die. What's the point?"
You said "cure breaker" instead of curse breaker.
I'm really sick of people doubting Harry. Wasn't Minerva at the meeting where Harry showed everyone how he killed the Death Eaters? Wouldn't that show how he was, in fact, ready for the OWLS and the NEWTS? It's not every 15 year old who can summon an earth snake that eats a man, after all. Also, why does no one believe a 15 year old can do all these things? Albus was 15 when he took his OWLS and he did things Madame Marchbanks had never seen with a wand before. 15 year olds are, in many cultures, old enough to be considered men, so seeing 15 year olds killing people shouldn't be that much of a shock.
Snape does, in fact, do more than belittle Potter every chance he gets. He also saw Harry take down 8 Deather Eaters by himself. How that is "a mediocre wizard who has gotten lucky a few times," I do not know.
So, Ginny dies because "fuck fangirls, am I right?" Ugh. Again, this is what Seamus, Dean Thomas, the Patils, Lavender Brown, and other D-list characters are for. This is Harry Potter, not Game of Thrones. You don't have to kill off popular B-list characters (if Harry, Hermione, and Ron are the only A-listers) just to prove how gritty your reality is.
"And the prophecy is a meaningless thing to me that means a lot to him" A meaningless thing? You could have just said that "the prophecy is meaningless."
Ron isn't a moron. Truth be told, I half hoped you'd kill him off with Molly, Ginny, and Luna. That'd probably be the only way to stop you ruining his character. He is more than a glutton who says "Fuck Slytherins, can't trust slimy snakes" and who feels Harry abandoned him (or whatever the fuck it is you're going for)."
If only there were some way for impulsive and reckless teenagers with deadly weapons to deal with some sort of problem. Oh, wait. There is. The same way I would have had the Carrows dealt with in book 7: knifed in the back and thrown into the Forbidden Forest. There are, after all, more students than teachers (or Inquisitorial Squad members), and you can't tell me impulsive teenagers armed with deadly weapons wouldn't do something reckless when confronted by a tyrant.
Ah, of course. Harry gets to save Daphne once again. So, does that mean the other female students were raped earlier (with Daphne being the last one in line), and Harry couldn't save them? Or was Daphne just getting "special treatment"?
"Holstering my wand all over the world? But I've only been to France... I mean, I did holster my wand after I saved a bunch of Veela from Death Eaters, but that was because I didn't want to frighten them." Harry not catching the euphemism would have been much funnier.
"Hey, dumbasses, I fought and beat 8 Death Eaters single-handed. The fuck are you gonna do?"
Yeah, this isn't Ron. A Death Eater has very clearly killed Ron and is pretending to be him. That's the only explanation for the way he's acting.
Using Dark Magic? Ummm, Dark Magic is what Voldemort did to increase his magical power, to create his Horcruxes, the Unforgivables, and any spell that needlessly tortures the victim. I don't think I've seen Harry use such a thing.
Has Harry used an entrail exploding curse? How about one where you burn alive from the inside out? Anything where the sacrifice of 12 dozen virgins was needed to fuel a ritual? No? Then it ain't fucking Dark. Dear Lord, some fanfic authors go through the most elaborate process on deciding what is "Dark" but it really isn't that difficult. Is it a spell designed to harm someone in excruciatingly painful, demeaning, degrading, or humilating ways? It's Dark.
If it was used as a execution or punishment (I imagine the castration charm would have been used on rapists back a long time ago) it isn't Dark, because such a thing serves a specific purpose other than torturing people and getting your sadist rocks off.
Annoying fangirl? Again, when she was 10 or 11, maybe, but after that she was mind raped by a 16 year old who forced her body to do things she didn't want it to. That changes a person. That's why she's different the next time we see her character in, what, 4? I don't really remember her being in 3. By the end of year 4, she's dating Michael Corner (to try and get over Harry, as recommended by Hermione). They break up because he's upset Gryffindor beat Ravenclaw, so she starts dating Dean. That ends, and Harry takes advantage of it. Harry was always a bit stunted, emotionally, so Hermione bursting into tears all the time made him uncomfortable. Thus, he appreciated Ginny's for the emotional toughness she exibited. After all, after being mind-raped by Tom Riddle, she had to grow tougher, just to survive it.
| Revliledpembroke chapter 10 . 4/22
"Harry was sat on the opposite side of Arcturus..."
That isn't English. It's either "was sitting" or "sat." Unless this is some other bizarre thing where UK English (and it's colonial spinoffs) decides not to follow simple rules of grammar.
Saying something like "his family were" particularly pisses me off. You'd think having a singular noun (there is, after all, no "ies" making family plural) would merit a singular noun, but no. This relatively easy and simple rule does not apply to certain Englishmen. I've seen examples of that rule being broken many, many times in many fanfics.
"His family was annoying." "Families were annoying." are both correct. "His family were annoying" is not.
Gauge has a u in it. It isn't gage.
1. A valued object deposited as a guarantee of good faith.
1. offer (a thing or one's life) as a guarantee of good faith."
| Revliledpembroke chapter 9 . 4/21
The Gryffindors did not segregate Harry for thinking he had cheated his way in. Ron did that. For a month. The Hufflepuffs did (he took the glory away from their champion). The Slytherins did (Malfoy). Ravenclaws were mixed, but most of Gryffindor stood behind Harry.
Gryffindors DID segregate him, Hermione, and Neville in first year after McGonagall took an unreasonable 150 points. Harry was partially avoided when the school thought he was the Heir (the Weasley Twins made fun of it), but once Hermione got petrified, everyone came to their senses and went "Oh, yeah. Muggleborn best friend and mother. Not the best candidate for the Heir of Slytherin."
AndRon has to be this big of an ass because he's possessed, right? Because there's no other explanation, aside from you just hating the character.
Huh. Hermione knows what a thestral is? She most definitely did NOT in canon. Why else was LUNA the one to reassure Harry that he was as sane as she was?
"Damn your fast." Damn his fast what? Or did you mean "Damn, you're fast"? Because that's different.
"Bring him some levity?" Uhh, bring who "lightness of mind, character, or behavior; lack of appropriate seriousness or earnestness" now? Fudge? Sirius? Ambigious context. Be clearer.
Why shouldn't Harry's friends tell his/their stories? None of the people involved are really known for keeping secrets?
| Revliledpembroke chapter 8 . 4/21
"Peter had been punished most harshly by the Dark Lord and it still brought the man much joy to see the limp the portly man now had in his step. The urge to curse him further still plagued him but he controlled himself knowing that the fool still had his uses."
That very much needs to be rewritten. For one, why refer to the Dark Lord as "the man" instead of him? For two, why not say "portly fellow" instead repeating man twice in the same sentence? For three, "the urge to curse him further still plagued him but he controlled himself" is indecipherable. You've used him and he so much, for both Peter and Voldemort that I can hardly tell which is which.
You saying Harry would be "pissing his life away" if he didn't do well on his OWLs and such doesn't make too much sense, given that his has power only Dumbledore and Voldeshorts can match. That'd make him an instant hit on the duing circuit, as an Auror or Hit Wizard, mercenary, etc. Hell, Harry is independently wealthy, he likely doesn't even need such a paltry thing as a job.
"When Grindelwald became the treat he did..."
"Uhh... Professor, that's way more information than I needed to know."
And once again, Snape's nature is puzzling. He knows Potter killed the Death Eaters. He knows Potter is the one "born with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord." Why is he skeptical, here?
Oh, right. Order of the Phoenix should be capitalized, all the time. Even just "The Order" should be capitalized. It's a proper noun. You just don't NOT capitalize proper nouns.
I praise you for your treatment of Dumbledore. The man was never evil, and I'm sick and tired of fics where Dumbledore is a larger villain than Lord Voldemort.
| Revliledpembroke chapter 7 . 4/21
Harry taught those same students the Patronus Charm. It may be rare, but it's not all that difficult to do. At least, when not around actual Dementors (or boggart Dementors).
Ron was never this much of an ass. Yes, he could be occasionally thoughtless, blind to certain social niceties (aka thick), insecure, and jealous, but that just makes him a 15 year old kid. It doesn't make him slightly less of an ass than Malfoy.
You're very silly, you know that? If you don't work for the Dark Side (and aren't actively neutral or randomly killing either side of the war) you are on the Light. If you're a small independent faction aligned with "the Light" you are on "the Light's Side," and thus, a Light Side wizard. And really, all the "Light Side" really is is EVERYONE THAT ISN'T DARK.
Dark Wizards and other practitioners of the Dark Arts are a specific (usually) minority who set themselves against everyone else (and the government that the majority support). Thus, any who oppose the Dark are, by definition, on the Light Side, because that's the only other side (aside from the neutrals and those who play both sides against each other).
Ron? Fickle? Dear God, he was angry at Harry for a single month. Did Ron leave when Voldemort (or a chosen agent of Voldemort) was threatening Harry? Did he leave when the Trio discovered Hagrid's dragon? Did he leave when they decided to go back to Fluffy's room? Did he leave when everyone knew Harry was a Parselmouth and thought he was the Heir of Slytherin? Did he leave when told to "follow the spiders" (his greatest fear), and then found ELEPHANT sized spiders in the forest? Did he leave when they discovered a basilisk was in the Chamber and they had to go and confront it? How about when notorious mass murderer and lunatic Sirius Black was after Harry? Hell, Ron tried to stand on his BROKEN AND MAULED LEG so he could put himself between Harry and Black!
He very much could have told Harry that being his friend was too dangerous and just left. Harry probably would have understood. After all, Ron does get love potioned AND poisoned on the same day, well after Sirius broke Ron's leg.
But for a single month, an issue with his inferiority complex and his famous friend potentially being made even more famous (and stealing the limelight from others who didn't cheat to get in) and suddenly his name is fucking mud, worse than the names of Bella, Draco, and fucking Voldemort.
Of course, Harry wasn't the best friend either at the time. We see from his POV, so we tend to agree with him most of the time, but if I had a friend who had something amazing to him happen and I asked how he cheated to get in, I would expect more of an answer than "I didn't." Even so, I'm not unreasonable, so I'll ask "Why would someone else put your name in the Goblet, then?" My response is "I dunno." That would make me pissed because, not only is he not letting me in on this amazing secret of how he got in, he's also going with an absolutely terrible lie. I would have thought that we were better friends, that my friend could trust me with anything. Clearly, he doesn't, and that hurts.
So it isn't ficklesness. It's a combination of his inferiority complex, anger, and a bit of betrayal (because Harry seemingly refused to trust him). If Harry had said something like "Gee, Ron, maybe it's apart of the yearly attempt on my life," I imagine things would have been much different.
Ok, granted, some of Ron's reputation came from Book 7 (or because he ended up with Hermione when Harry should have). Ron, who had never really experienced real hardship before (Harry had at the Durselys and Hermione had no where else to go) and had more cause to worry about the outside world than the other 2 (he had his 6 siblings and parents to worry about. Harry had no family and Hermione had sent hers off to Australia) was wearing a magical artifact that amplified negative emotions. He's also a redhead. There was never any way that was NOT going to end with Ron storming off at one point. Too bad Hermione's spells to hide themselves from everyone worked a little too well and Ron couldn't find his way back.
And I really don't get why more of these people don't fight to kill their opponent. That is, after all, the whole point of warfare. Sure spells like stupefy, exist, but so does Reducto.
And here, near the end, why not set up a bunch of spells and just kill the all from stealth? Sure, he wasn't really in much danger from these wizards, but there really wasn't a reason for him to become a walking target, not when he could have been a ghost among the trees, killing Death Eaters from thin air.
| Revliledpembroke chapter 6 . 4/21
Harry lost his last scrap of childhood innocence? Between the Durselys, killing Quirrell, finding out that Lucius specifically tried to get all of the Hogwarts students killed, being forced to remember the murder of his parents, confronting the man who betrayed his parents, and then seeing someone murdered in front of him before being tortured, he had any childhood innocence left? I sincerely doubt that.
Also, how did the students not know about the Stone? Dumbledore said that the whole school knew what happened! What about the troll? The Acromantula?
Also, Ron doesn't hate all Slytherins. The Slytherins he hates are the ones like Malfoy, He Who Everyone Hates. We don't see him interact with more neutral ones and knowing that Sirius (now proven to be Peter) was at least one evil Gryffindor, so he knows that Slytherin isn't the only house that produced evil.
Oh, Dumbledore didn't kill Grindelwald. Voldemort will, once he starts chasing the Deathstick.
You'd think Andromeda would know that it's very inappropriate to ask an underage wizard about his wand, especially in front of her husband and daughter.
And, yes, underage. Being entered into a tournament meant to screen out younger people from doing something stupid and foolish does not mean the government recognizes him as an adult. That's like saying a 14 year old that snuck a beer is now legally allowed to drink.
No, it doesn't work that way. Dumbledore voluntarily set up a field to try and keep the younger students from hurting themselves and an older adult snuck him through without the knowledge of anyone involved. That is not declaring that he is of age, as anyone could originally compete in the tournament. Dumbledore wanted those who were legally adults to compete but his age line didn't do that, it just let adults/17 year old students enter other names, and Goblet was bewitched into picking Harry's name as a fourth school.
Being made Head of House Potter might make him an adult though. I don't know, as we Americans haven't really had that sort of thing
| Revliledpembroke chapter 5 . 4/21
Killing Hagrid and Maxine was not a good idea. If they managed to survive in canon, they should have been able to survive here. You killed them for no good reason. You killed them to show how gritty real war is. That's what Seamus and Dean are for. That's what other side characters we don't really care about are for (Emmeline Vance, for one).
You already had Harry treating training and getting ready to fight seriously, with none of the lackadaisical manner he had treated studying before, so he didn't need to kill Hagrid to show "the stakes are real" or why Harry started saying "Let's Get Dangerous!" Cedric's death also served that purpose and had already happened.
This isn't Game of Thrones. The genre's called fantasy, it's meant to be unrealistic, you myopic manatee.
| Revliledpembroke chapter 3 . 4/21
Ginny had a fangirl crush on Harry when she was 11. After that, she was repeatedly mind-raped by the 16 year old version of one of the most evil wizards in their history. That's bound to change a person. Also, she was dating somebody in 4th year, as per Hermione's suggestion to get over Harry.
So, no fangirling at Grimmauld Place.
Snape also seems awful dismissive of Harry being able to beat Voldemort, given that, you know, he's the only one who knows of the prophecy aside from Dumbledore, so he knows that Harry is the one prophesized to beat Voldemort.
Ron called Harry a liar? Yeah, for, like, one month. Aside from that, he's been a loyal and stalwart friend. He did follow Harry into a forest filled with his biggest fear (spiders), down into the Chamber of Secrets, down into the third floor corridor, and more.
500 galleons? That's 60X as expensive as Harry's first wand. Maybe even 70X. That's... quite the mark up. Even with rare materials, rare cores, and the rest, jumping from Ollivander's price of 7 or 8 galleons to 500 is quite a lot. Especially since that's 2500 pounds. Wands should not be as expensive as a big screen TV.
Also, I kinda just realized that I referenced YOUR Harry/Bella pairing when I mentioned it in the last review. It's actually why I stopped reading that particular fic. I liked it early on, but I very much doubt that I could be confronted by the killer of someone close to me and not try to kill them, no matter if they are younger and much more attractive and not evil. I'd just get this flashback of them as crazy psycho murderbitch and realize that I have enough problems without putting my dick in crazy.
Never put your dick in crazy.
| Revliledpembroke chapter 2 . 4/21
When you were describing the Lordships and the Wizengamot, there was an area of weird phrasing that looked like a Google Translate version of English. It just did not come out as anything coherent.
And canon pairings are best pairings. There are, after all, plenty of examples of people who have married their best friend's sister. There has to be, with billions of people living over thousands of years, with a great many rarely leaving the village they grew up in.
Also, Harry was never very good with people (and females in particular) thanks to the Dursleys, so if Ginny still harbored that initial attraction (while liking Quidditch, being "tough" [because Harry couldn't deal with very emotional people thanks to his stunted upbringing], and being a redhead), I could see how Harry could fall in love with her.
Ron and Hermione kinda complement each other. Ron was never stupid (despite what fanfics say). Stupid people, after all, do not play chess very well (I wonder if Ron could beat Mr. Spock?). He just never cared very much about book learning, which might bring Hermione down from her ivory tower intellectual position (How to make a fire, we haven't got any wood?! "ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT?")
I am not particularly picky about pairings though. There are a few I can't abide. For example, any Harry with Draco/Voldemort/Lucius/Snape/Bella/any other Death Eater. Even if it's a time travel fic (or alternate dimension) where THIS version of Voldemort/Bella/whoever was never evil, he should still have memories that encourage hate (one particular example is if Bella had just killed Sirius, Harry is then sent back in time, and now wants to have sex with her. Yeah, right) for the person who killed his parents/Sirius/whoever else.
Another pairing I dislike? Harry and Hermione. JK has said (I think) that Harry and Hermione are too neurotic, that in close proximity they'd just brood and worry until they are always in despair. That's why Ron is needed. He brings fun.
| tammgrogan chapter 2 . 4/17
Hello, I think this is the 4th. or 5th. time that I have read this story. It's one of my favorites. I wanted to tell you thank you again for writing it. You have done an Amazing job with it. Thank you!
| antim1santhrope chapter 17 . 4/17
so I've read your other work that's not complete and am almost finished with this. you have a way of story telling that draws me personally in. The only thing that i see is though your plots are different, the key points are the same and i would love to see you try a different Harry or even get into his lovelife (lack there of) more...
so all 3 stories so far have had (seem like its going to be) Harry finding his Family (whether Potter or Black) in some fashion , turn into a teenage prodigy killing Machine, very Gray, show slight remorse then justifying himself, finding love in an unusual person to be paired with, Love at first sight they just know it,... have Harry systematically destroy the Dark Lords Forces before eventually Killing LV...
while that's great basis for stories i feel with your writing Talents could write different Harrys and write even more unique stories
| Hufflepuffisunreal chapter 1 . 4/16
Rereading this story for the 5th time while I wait for you to update your other stories. Just as good as the other 9 times I have read it. You have a great writing style that does a good job setting the scene and developing characters while still keeping the story going.