|Reviews for The Road So Far|
| TolkienScholar chapter 5 . 10/17
Haha, I loved this line: "Man, if it weren't for bad luck, our family wouldn't have any luck at all." Seriously, what's a few dozen broken mirrors on top of all the other stuff they've gone through? It was so like Dean to immediately start joking like he did in the episode, but I like that you have Sam playing along and turning it around so that Dean doesn't want to keep the joke going anymore! :D
| TolkienScholar chapter 4 . 10/16
I like the way you create kind of a distorted reality with back-and-forth between Bloody Mary's accusations and Sam's acknowledgement of them. He's so wracked with guilt that he thinks he's "facing the truth" instead of being manipulated by a hateful, vengeful spirit. The spirit can accuse him no more authoritatively than his own mind does, and yet he takes its word as confirmation of what he's already been thinking. He even knows that it's a "deceptive little glass web," but he's totally taken in by it.
And then in comes Dean, shattering the mirror and the distorted reality created by it. I love that you stop at that one sentence, "Dean's crowbar went through the mirror," because it communicates enough exactly as it is. Dean is the one to break through that deceptive web, pulling Sam back from the edge and saving him not just from the spirit but from himself.
Another nice chapter! Well done!
| TolkienScholar chapter 3 . 10/13
I love that you've chosen to show Jess's perspective on this scene. She had such a brief role in the show; we really didn't get to see much of her relationship with Sam or get to know her so we could understand why Sam felt about her the way he did. I like how you give us a bunch of cute little details about their past interactions to help us connect with her. I especially liked the idea that she would kiss him for every day he'd been gone.
The tension builds slowly as we wait for Sam to make the fatal realization, Jess trying but failing to communicate with him. I like that you point out that she had seen something - "the man with the oddly colored yellow eyes" - although of course, she doesn't understand and will never get the chance to. And then this line conveys her hopelessness and his helplessness so completely: "He can't stop what is going to happen any more than he can stop a volcano from erupting."
- "did you miss me?" - "Did you miss me?"
- "'Jess?' He calls softly" - "'Jess?' he calls softly"
- "what the man with the oddly colored yellow eyes had done to her" - "what the man with the oddly colored yellow eyes has done to her"
- "...stuck; frozen in her throat, forever." - Since what comes after the semicolon isn't a complete sentence, a comma would be more appropriate.
- "the pillow upon which his head lay" - "the pillow upon which his head lies"
Another well-written little snippet. Can't wait to keep reading!
| TolkienScholar chapter 2 . 10/12
I liked this little snippet because it captures Dean's deep vulnerability when it comes to their dad. He has such a deep-seated love and respect for his dad, in spite of all his many failings, which Dean actually does acknowledge here when he expresses frustration about the way their dad can't just "ask us or tell us straight out about what it is you want us to do." (Btw, was the first "us" there meant to be un-italicized? It didn't make much sense to me to emphasize that word; I would have thought "ask" and "tell" would be the words to emphasize, if anything.) So he doesn't think his dad is perfect; he's frustrated with him right now, too. He just doesn't want to show Sammy that, because Sammy's got enough issues with Dad as it is.
It really got me the way Dean sees himself as pathetic and whiny for begging his dad to just call him. He's gotten to a point where he really is desperate to hear from him, but he feels like he should be able to be tougher about this somehow. Dean just can't let go of that need to be tough and stoic, even though it's totally normal to be anxious in a situation like this.
One thing at the end kind of sounded a little weird. You say "he held out hope" but then call him a "hopeless fool," and while I know that "hopeless" has a different connotation the way you're using it, it still confused me the first time I read it. I'm not sure what you could do to change it; I just know that I couldn't figure out what you meant at first.
Anyway, another great chapter, and I look forward to reading on!
| TolkienScholar chapter 1 . 10/11
Hey, Scorp! Long time no see! :) I saw you had faved my SPN fic, so when I saw that you had an SPN oneshot collection on your profile, too, I had to come check it out.
I love how you've put into words all the subtext in this scene. I enjoy both writing and reading this type of oneshot, exploring what's going on behind the spoken words; I don't know how far you've gotten into "What You're Trying to Say," but I've done some of it here and there as well. There's so much Jensen and Jared manage to communicate through the tiniest looks and gestures that this show just BEGS to get this kind of treatment. Still, I hadn't thought of doing it for this scene.
I enjoyed seeing Dean's first impressions of Jess. I mean, obviously we know what he SAYS about her being "out of his brother's league," and clearly he checks her out, but you give us more of a glimpse into his true feelings: He's glad that Sam has found a girl who cares about him so much that as soon as she hears his dad is missing, even though she's never met him, she's worried. Dean would never be okay with Sam being with someone who didn't truly, deeply care about him.
I like how you emphasize how this conversation is happening on two levels by referencing their speaking "in code." What shows on top, what Jessica can hear, is Dean calmly stating what's going on and Sam's initially cold, then more serious response. Underneath is a current of urgency as Dean tries to get Sam to understand that something is really wrong, that this isn't "dad just being dad." I really liked the line "/Dad will make contact once he finishes whatever job he is on/ was something of a religious chant in their family." And then from Sam, the surface coldness covers a deep well of resentment that Dean is having to fight against in order to even get him to respond. And Dean knows he's having to fight that. He's afraid that Sam might brush him off and refuse to even listen, much less to help, but he knows he has to try, and he can only hope that Sam's love for their dad will come through all the same. Which it does, a testament to how well Dean still knows Sam even despite the time they've spent apart.
I enjoyed this, and I look forward to reading on!
| NeoMiniTails chapter 2 . 12/23/2017
I really liked this chapter. It was so full of raw emotion. It hit home for me, despite my situation being very different - it was me trying to speak with my grandmother and father during my parent's divorce a few years back. They were trying to contact my older brothers every way they could while ignoring my existence. By the time they finally acknowledged me, I was numb to any emotions for them.
I love the way you describe Dean's emotions throughout. As I've said before, I'm mostly fandom blind so I don't know if any of this was in the show, itself, but even if it was, that doesn't take away from how well the power of your words emote to the reader.
Anyways, while in a completely different situation than these two boys, I really felt them here.
"Dad?" Dean tried to keep the desperation out of his voice but knew he was failing. "Dad, I really need to hear from you. I don't know what you're doing..." - I love how you opened this. I could feel, hear, and see this in my mind. It immediately got me hooked into the chapter.
Nothing could be so important that it necessitated him cutting off all contact. - This line here gave me shivers because it reminded me of what I felt when my grandmother and father seemed to cut contact with me until they were unhappy with their new family. By that time, even with all my anger towards them, I just wanted a call, a text, anything that would say my family wasn't over. I thought this was perfectly chosen to go with what Dean is feeling.
He didn't say that part out loud, either. - all the lines about what he didn't say aloud was great. There's always so much we don't say, there's so much that in anger and sadness we want to say but can't. His wanting to know if his father was okay kept him from talking about certain subjects, revealing certain knowledge that his father knew but probably didn't know his sons knew.
For example, when he talks about the "journal," the very journal that his father left around when he wanted his boys to do something but wouldn't say it. It reminded me of how my father's side was in general, always hinting and never downright saying things they wanted. My brother is the same way also.
He hoped the concern in his voice might break through his dad's focus long enough to get him to respond to his request for some sort of message that said he was alive. - this was just perfect. I love that he hates how he sounds at the moment, but at the same time, he hopes that his tone would get his father to listen, stop what he's doing, and respond.
He knew there wouldn't be a response even before he hung up the phone. ... Still, he held out hope. He didn't know if that made him a hopeless fool or a blithering idiot. - sad but perfect and realistic ending.
This chapter hit home for me in so many ways. You don't know how much it hurt reading this. I loved it though because it hurt so good. Lol.
Thanks for writing this piece!
Until Next Time,
Keep it up,
| NeoMiniTails chapter 1 . 12/16/2017
A bit fandom blind though I've seen a few episodes here and there.
I really like this opening chapter. It allows you to flex your emotional suspense prowess. I've always been a fan of this kind of writing where something bad is obviously going on yet neither can show much emotion while talking about it.
The three characters shown in this chapter were very distinct, even without one talking at all.
There's an underlining sadness that reminds me of the robins from Batman. From the few episodes I've seen of Supernatural, the tone fits so well with the series.
This line: "Dad hasn't been home in a few days." - is such a simple and smart way to begin this story. This is clearly significant as a reader, but the reader can see why Sam reacted the way he did.
What I really like about this section is Jess (the girlfriend who has never met their father) appearing worried for the both of them. Because of her reaction, Dean thinks to himself that she's a good girl, a keeper for Sam, and he thinks that he should never let her go.
Your descriptions of Sam's reactions were beautiful.
Dean found himself starting to get frostbite from all those icy glares he was getting - love this line. The imagery is so evocative. It gives this powerful thought process that as a shy person, I would've probably walked away if given this look, but Dean is probably both used to it and also the situation was different and more important than to just walk away.
Snow was warmer than Sam's tone. - Another strong vocal intonation imagery, using something people know and comparing it to his voice. I might steal this line one day. Lol
"Dad's on a hunting trip." - There was something sad about this to me. Their father was always on a hunting trip for the supernatural so even though I'm sure they blocked out anything bad actually happening prior, everything that could happen probably was going through their minds about that. I also like that Dean used this line as the best lies are ones that stem from truth.
Despite all the angry words that had been said the last time he and their dad were face-to-face, he was still their father. - I remember them having somewhat a rocky relationship with their father even with how much they all love each other. I imagine that Dean doesn't want this to be his last conversation with his father, so full of malice in their last talk together. This was still their father, and he wanted to make sure he was okay.
And with those words, everything about their lives changed. - True to the show, their lives were truly changed when they began this witch hunt for their father. They began to live their lives as their father did.
I think that was an awesome first piece in this collection of moments and drabbles based on events from the show.
Thanks for writing!
Until Next Time,
Keep it up,
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 20 . 8/10/2017
Okay, so disclaimer that I don't know a whole lot about Supernatural.
I like the theme of future in this. It's something that people don't always think about, especially if they only see a dead end ahead. It's a great theme, especially when it's between siblings. They each want the very best for the other, and I like how you brought that up here.
There are many places throughout this that have great descriptions. I think my favorite is the demon being expunged from its meatsuit. That is quite a visual and really sticks in the brain. I love your use of canon in order to visualize things. It keeps it in the fandom, but it also adds something to the character because it is their world you are painting. You do such a wonderful job of seeing a world through a character's eyes. You really know how to get into that mindset and it's amazing.
I love how Dean will do anything to protect Sam. Stating that his purpose and his future was making sure his brother survived is so wonderful. It's such a sibling thought, especially an older one and I love how you focus on families. It is one of my favorite elements of your stories. This drabble is no exception and beautiful because of it.
Fabulous job on the eyes challenge!
| zendog chapter 16 . 5/29/2017
Finally got around to reading all these one shots - a marvelous piece of procrastination on my part in order to avoid the work I should be doing...and boy am I glad I did. Well written, emotionally true and moving. These are really good tags/extensions to the episodes, giving us all just a little bit more. Short but beautifully formed. I look forward to reading more of them as they arrive...and now sadly back to work.
| Guest chapter 14 . 5/11/2017
look how far we've come, come one keep wrting babe, u are amazinggggg
| IceCreamIceQueen chapter 13 . 3/3/2017
You need a comma after 'your fight is over'
What an ending!
I'm excited to read more, you really bring these little scenes to life. Good job!
| IceCreamIceQueen chapter 12 . 3/3/2017
This was an interesting chapter, what with it being the truck's POV. Very original.
I think you mean 'scrapped', not 'scraped' :)
This was a really nice chapter!
| IceCreamIceQueen chapter 11 . 3/3/2017
The first sentence is very long. I'd put a full stop after 'dismay' and then have the next sentence carry on like 'There was also fear, anger, and all round relief...' just a suggestion :)
Also, at first I thought Bobby was a girl because of the use of 'she', I didn't realise you were talking about the car at first. Just found it a little confusing.
Overall, a lovely chapter :) you really have a way with words!
| IceCreamIceQueen chapter 10 . 3/3/2017
This is a really sad chapter. Very well written, though.
Just one tiny thing- you're missing quotation marks at the end of '...you're gonna have to let me go my own way.' :)
| IceCreamIceQueen chapter 9 . 2/25/2017
'He had to pause to allow the never quite gone grief that always welled up when he said Mary's name to pass before he could continue.' This is a very long sentence- perhaps shorten it a little, like 'he had to pause to allow the never-quite-gone grief that welled up when he said her name to pass'? idk
I like that we get to see more of John in this chapter. It sounds like he really cares about the boys. :)