|Reviews for Son of the Sannin|
| The Flare Blade chapter 3 . 10/19/2016
First of all, thanks for the promised recommendation! Since my fic is rather long I don't think that our "audiences" match just yet, but after some more updates I'm definitely recommending you! (Er... I might be a little forgetful, tho... send me a PM about it if I take more than a two months?)
When you commented about the reception of this fic, I dumbly didn't look at the actual numbers you got. This... is a very impressive amount of reviews/favs/follows for such a new fic.
Anyways, about the story itself. I... like this. So far we didn't go very deep into the plot, but it has potential. I'm waiting for a few more updates to give me "final judgment" once I have an idea of where this is going, but so far it is solid.
But not flawless, obviously.
The first thing that I should note is that the first two chapters have some grammar mistakes. Mostly typos (either bad autocorrections or just plain typing mistakes), as well as a couple instances of mixed tenses. I don't mean to be a hypocrite; I certainly do my fair share of mistakes... and this might be a little unnecessary given the starting popularity you have, but I'd revise these chapters to iron out those kinks.
I have two major problems with the fic overall so far. (And a minor grip in which I feel awkward thinking about "son of the sannin" when there are only two of the legendary ninja involved. Son of the ninin? I dunno. lol)
The first is Tsunade, and it branches out into two separate issues on its own.
1- How does she know Naruto existed when she was already out of Konoha for more than a couple years? I don't think we ever got to know when Minakushi got official, but I find it odd that she'd have knowledge of his existence let alone enough emotional investment to return to Konoha just for him. It's kind of a "fanon" thing by now, I suppose, but i'd like a little explanation of how she got involved in this mess in the first place.
2- Sarutobi was surprised that Tsunade even showed up. So... how would she know about the Kyuubi's rampage or that Naruto is an orphan?
The second big issue was in the dialogue. Or not the dialogue. But that there are many long sequences of pure back-and-forth dialogue.
You talked before about only writing what matters, and while the reader can fill in the holes with their imagination, I find myself wondering what are those characters doing and what feelings they are expressing during conversations.
"Said" is rather generic. Now, "ranted" for example implies annoyance and anger; "muttered" lets us have an idea of the volume the person use, "spat" suggests harshness or bluntness, "hissed" makes it very clear the person talking is not happy with the situation... etc. These words add "emotion" to a conversation, which deepens characterization and gives life to conversations.
But their are only part of the equation. The other one is motion: take the conversations over sake that Tsunade and Jiraya had. For instance, there was one moment on chapter 2 where you wrote: "Jiraya almost choked on his sake." followed by dialogue. This kind of sentence, either before, after, or in-between a character talking... they also add life to the conversations, and make them have a realistic flow. Some also express emotions, which in the case of the example I chose is surprise.
You can imagine that Jiraya and Tsunade were doing absolutely nothing while speaking, and doing said speaking in the best bored monotone they could possibly achieve simply because there's a huge, massive nothingness amidst all the dialogue.
Overall, they don't add much to a word count, but they help make the characters feel realistic and alive, because people are always doing stuff in conversations and their emotions tend to seep into their tones. Which us humans can notice and use as base to how proceed during conversations-and thus so can your characters.
Again, I know you want to go "straight to the point". But I think this is small stuff that can really add to your story if you embrace it. Maybe not to the level that I do on my fic (I'm sure I overdid it at some points), but... it could help you, I think.
Between this problem and my earlier point about grammar, I think it might be interesting to get a beta. Your story is solid enough on its own but it can improve, I'm sure you agree.
On another note, while I am eagerly waiting for a next chapter, I'd personally recommend you to have a bi-weekly schedule. It will give you more time to keep ahead of the game and not leave our readers waiting months for updates, especially since you mentioned the word count will increase... thus you post shorter chapters at a fast rate and leave everyone waiting when the words pile up. But it's up to you!
Hoping to see more!
| Akari99 chapter 3 . 10/19/2016
maybe,,, make naruto mastering the basic skill like kawarimi, henge, shurikenjutsu, bukijutsu like kunai or other, chakra control, sealing technique, and other its fine enough.
kakashi graduate in 5 years old.
and in real world.
so many child have intelegent and illogical physical ...
its make sense when naruto live with two legendary sannin...
sorry for my bad english...
| Major Simi chapter 3 . 10/19/2016
He he he , booze can bring together people in very interesting ways. Nice chapter
| AlphaScribe chapter 3 . 10/19/2016
That's the only couch we have! For me that one line stole the chapter. I can see little Naruto runnin around and Shizune just trying to keep him from the couch. All around it was a good chapter, Thank you.
| Ben91 chapter 3 . 10/19/2016
Great chapter, enjoyed the dynamics between Jiraiya and Tsunade.
Keep it up.
PS Do you have an update schedule?
| Reader of Harry Potter chapter 3 . 10/19/2016
| Hmmm12 chapter 3 . 10/19/2016
I don't think you rush the relatinshil between jiraiya and tsunade. Jiraiya has past feelings toward tsunade and they've been living together for two years while raising a baby I think that's just natural. Heck I'm sure a lot of person fell for a complete stranger in the span of months.
| Ben91 chapter 2 . 10/19/2016
I like the build up so far, will there be a timeskip or are you going to go over Narutos childhood?
On to chapter 3 ;)
| lancecomwar chapter 3 . 10/19/2016
And hinata finally next whoo
| Ben91 chapter 1 . 10/19/2016
Seems like an interesting concept.
Onwards to chapter 2.
| sockyisbestwaifu chapter 2 . 10/17/2016
Awesome story so far! please continue!
| AlphaScribe chapter 2 . 10/15/2016
Fantastic Chapter. I've read a few stories like this before but this one feels different and I like it. The love the play between Jiraiya and Tsunade. I so look forward to what you do with this story.
Thank You .
P.S. Sorry but I just realized that I didn't leave a review to this chapter.
| gonzalo.flako chapter 2 . 10/15/2016
muy buena historia solo espero que la continues
| Blank1993 chapter 2 . 10/14/2016
Little Naruto lol
| Read my stuff 007 chapter 2 . 10/14/2016