Reviews for Volume 12: The Two Monsters
Jade Tatsu chapter 8 . 10/16
Okay, got some more free time to read another chapter. :D

Obviously the kicker in this chapter is the growth in Demiurge's family with his gaining a brother! Yay! Demiurge you sneak! You should have said... Or rather your parents should have... Ulbert! Bad Ulbert, you should have told Momonga you were expanding... :D Anyway

In as much as the Slane Theocracy is a human supremist country, they have recognised their limits in the LN so the logic given was good for them to try to open trade. They could also throw in their God of Darkness and say that they understand that some undead are above the usual prejudice. I think there would have to be some restrictions on the trade, though I appreciate that is beyond the scope of this fic (probably). like no slaves since Ainz is against that.

The Envoy of the Holy Kingdom better do some studying fast. Never promise an undead everything :D
Jade Tatsu chapter 7 . 10/14
Hmm, by this stage, while it was expected, I am getting a little bit tired of the remarks from Nazarick that everything is going to Ainz' plan. I know it is what they will say but at the same time it's getting a little repetitive. Just my feeling as I read through the first part of this chapter.

Though nice curveball with the Slane Theocracy. With Ainz though, even if he made the wrong decision, I expect both Albedo and Demiurge would be worried that they had gotten something wrong, rather than that he had.

You are handling the large number of characters well, though with some of the OCs, it might be nice to see some of their thoughts every once in a while. They are serving their purposes, but not much else. I don't know a lot of their background. It's a stylistic comment so if it doesn't suit, just ignore.
Jade Tatsu chapter 6 . 10/14
Actually thinking back on the previous chapter, did Demiurge set up no protection against scrying? Obviously he could expect Ainz to watch him but that could easily be by a high level spell, or Nazarick itself but the others used low level spells. Did he turn off protections?

There was much 'lol'ing with this chapter given that everything is going as Ainz plans... even if he didn't know he planned it. He's such a lucky guy! Though it is cute. I want to pat the Adventurer's on their head and reaassure them that of course Ainz will help them. it's his plan after all, but they won't like that so they will just have to learn that for themselves.
Jade Tatsu chapter 5 . 10/14
Oh, how nice the maids are, that they care about the formation! :D Though I am glad to see that the Adventure's and Fortress are being sensible. It makes them all the more believable as characters, especially as experienced characters and fighters.

Couple of grammatical errors and such. I really noticed it with a few odd commas. At least to me they read oddly. Though there was a heap of errors with their attacks. No punctuation at all.

Oh, they killed one... I am writing this as I read it so that was a bit of a surprise. A good one though. The Demon Maids are best when being demon like, though it should comfort the Empress that they took a little damage. Just a little bit. You did mention a little bit of blood but with what happened after it doesn't really matter.

And to leave it on a cliff hanger at such an early stage!

Very enjoyable. The fights are good but maybe a little light on with the details. There is nothing wrong with that, but it can sometimes make visualising them a bit difficult but that doesn't make it any less fun. Your speed with events is definitely a plus.
Jade Tatsu chapter 4 . 10/14
Yay, evil Demiur... err Jaldaboath-sama! It's always a pleasure seeing you. It would not be a pleasure being on the other side as you though. The very first sentence read a bit oddly until I went back and REALLY looked at it. I missed one of the 'of'. It made a difference!

Loved the fact that Demiurge figured out Ainz' intent with Shalltear and is now copying him like a good little demon. Actually lol'd at the scene with the Empress. Specifically the ending of it and about their options becoming frighteningly scarce. There really is only one option. Get on their knees and start praying to Ainz! Demiurge would probably even give them a cookie if they did that for real!

Haha, on the end scene. It is only now that you begin to see the power of Naz... Jaldaboath! I am wondering if they ever figure out that the demons are just summons. Surely someone has to wonder where all these demons have been hiding for so long? If they find out that they are summons I imagine it would be the cause of even more despair.
Jade Tatsu chapter 3 . 10/14
I do it mostly because one of my beta readers complained she didn't know where scenes were set unless I put a location mark at the beginning. It might be an idea for your fics as well. It helps the reader settle the scene location in their mind right at the beginning. I admit, sometimes you don't want that, so in those cases I generally go 'Unknown location.'

You changed the way you did dialogue in this chapter to what I expected :D Ignore my previous comment.

There's a few missing capital letters here and there.

I liked the worry displayed by the Adventurers. There wasn't a wasted word with them, so that was good. :) The quick motions are good and the fact that these are all OCs isn't too bad. I'm trying to figure out if it's because having read Vol 12 and 13 I can view this as an alternate version though I suspect it's because they are realistic rather than the first reason, and it's a good story. It's good for the normal Overlord reason - Ainz or Ainz' force get to curb stomp everyone :D
Jade Tatsu chapter 2 . 10/14
Got some time to read this! :D Sorry it has taken so long.

I like the flow of the story and I realise it was written at a time when we didn't know a lot of details about the Holy Kingdom, so that's not an issue.

The way you do speaking sentences is a bit odd. Usually it's "Talking," said XYZ, but you have taken to using - here. Not sure why. I haven't ever seen that style but if it's the way you were taught, then so be it :)

There's a few sentences that don't individually make sense. They do once you connect them to the next sentence though. It's hard to pick that up by yourself sometimes. There were a couple of words which I think were wrong. Once I noticed an also, when i think you meant although. It was when the Empress was speaking of comparing Ainz to Surshanna.

Is there any meaning to the names of the villages? I know I sometimes do that :P I use foreign words that mean village, or township or something similar. :D Just asking on that one.

Other than that, I really liked the flow. Things move quickly but I think that's just your style.
BLINIX chapter 20 . 9/27
This was awesome, the new plot, the new characters ,new ability and more of Ainz-sama "plotting".
Loved that he finally realized how lucky he is and the posible reasons behind that. Also that the holy kingdom has an angel, that makes more sense (and that she is not useless like in canon) and more lore to the players, wonder what will Ainz will do? Will he be Momo 24/7 or a hikikomori v:?
Allan ortega chapter 20 . 9/12
Jade Tatsu chapter 1 . 9/1
Hi! I've had this chapter open on my web browser tabs for ages, which is no excuse for not going forward with it. The main thing that kept putting me off was quite petty and that's the spelling mistake in Cocytus' first words. Great Full versus Grateful, especially as Ungrateful was correct later. I know that's a really petty reason but with a lack of time it is one of the reasons I've been stuck here. Now that I've gotten past it, I will go further in the next few days.
Guest chapter 5 . 8/24
Dam that's insane this has to be my favorite page
Guest chapter 1 . 8/24
I like how this is going got a new fan
rmarcano321 chapter 20 . 8/17
Sweet chapter with the fanfic update!
rmarcano321 chapter 19 . 8/17
Felvia has game!
rmarcano321 chapter 18 . 8/17
Pandora's Actor is good at impersonations.

Ainz fake death will show how well on its own Nazarick can hold together.
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