|Reviews for Into the Night|
| gigaagig chapter 13 . 11/12
I enjoyed the story, thanks for writing.
| BRUH3000 chapter 1 . 10/26
Why's the OC playing school boy instead of searching for his sister? What are you? A retard.
| EllaTheJester chapter 13 . 10/21
Neo's been keeping an eye on Shiro, and now the ambushers have become the ambushees! I'm really enjoying this fic, and I'm excited to see more!
| EllaTheJester chapter 11 . 10/21
Things are heating up!
| EllaTheJester chapter 9 . 10/20
Awww! The scene with the food was great!
| EllaTheJester chapter 6 . 10/20
The character dynamic between Shirou and Blake is really interesting. The fact they're slowly and cautiously feeling each other out, without putting all their cards on the table seems very in character.
| EllaTheJester chapter 5 . 10/20
Shirou and Pyrrha have both started to catch feelings! I approve! ღゝ)ノ
| EllaTheJester chapter 3 . 10/20
The last part of this chapter tugged on my heartstrings.
| EllaTheJester chapter 1 . 10/20
Ooh! I just found this story, and it looks great!
| JustMonikammmmmmmmmm chapter 13 . 10/20
Hokay, so now that I'm on my desktop (and on my main acct), sorry about the awkward missing spaces in my review from earlier this morning...
I actually did think of one actual thing to criticize; I think you did go a little too hard on Weiss, in a couple of ways. First, I doubt she would have reacted well to being called stupid when Shirou first laid into him, even though it was absolutely correct. It was low tact from him and I genuinely don't know if she'd have taken it quite as in stride as she did. Second, I think you might have portrayed her racial prejudices a liiiiittle too over-the-top; I don't think she was ever that hardcore about it, and it does descend into bashing tier, even if you did add (completely fitting in lore, and not a new concept to me, I've seen it in other fics too) justifications regarding attacks on her family. In general, I think you've made her a little too unlikable, on the whole? I wouldn't suggest undoing all that, what's done is done, but I probably would suggest making sure she gets some good character development, and soon, or at least some more display of other redeeming factors.
Other than that, I stand by everything else. Still think you and this fic are absolutely fantastic, a cut above the other FATE/RWBY crosses (and there are some good ones, so that's no insult to them).
| AnonymousPepper chapter 13 . 10/20
My brother in Christ, writer to writer, you are fantastic. Simply fantastic. I cannot wait to see what more you produce. Though, ironically, I'm more engrossed for your Pyrrha than your Shirouwhich is not a slight against the latter, just that *as* a big Pyrrha fan I think you wrote her wonderfully. (I do like the Blake angle too, a lot, but I do hope it doesn't turn toooooo too much into a classic love triangle, we have plenty of those, including just with canon Shirou.)
I think the only complaintif you call it thatis that I think I would have liked to see Shirou lose to or better yet draw against Pyrrha in their first match, probably without pulling out the Key which I absolutely grant is a win condition. He's extremely good, but Polarity is absolute hax, especially if Pyrrha were to go all out on it, and it would do some good to see him brought down just slightly. Though he certainly is that good that it's not implausible that he won in any case, especially with the whole shadow bullshit that he can pull. It's not a true knock, just a preference, don't take it for anything more than that.
Then again, given that he didn't puzzle out Neo yet, it's certainly on the table for her to get the jump and have the best of him and, uh, wow, what a coincidence, very soon, absolute combat monster that she is (especially since I doubt pinning her illusions' shadows would pin her).
Anyways, though it may be hypocritical of me (given my own pile of abandoned fics lmao), I lastly wanted to say that I think your work is genuinely excellent and I hope to see much, much more of this work in the future. You have amazing talent, including something I find to be very rarethe ability to create convincing, charismatic, and effortful original minor characters to care about and to flesh out the world and make it feel alive, without turning it into an AU. Just... in short, I think you're great, dude. keep it up.
| Guest chapter 5 . 10/8
"She caster her gaze up to his."
"She CAST her gaze up to his."
| Guest chapter 5 . 10/8
However – the moment of victory was fleeting. As soon as it was gone, a replacement immediately took its place. He kept up with his momentum and THRUST his blade into her abdomen. It rocketed her back to the other side of the room and crashed into a wall.
("Thrust" is an irregular verb, it remains as "Thrust" even in past tense)
( I assume it's supposed to be Nora who crashed into the wall, but the way it's currently written it says that the sword rocketed Nora back and the the sword, not Nora, crashed into the wall.)
"He baited her," stated Ren.
Pyrrha fully agreed with the opinion that Shirou's style was suicidal. He risked himself and his weapon to gain an otherwise impossible strike. He gambled dangerously that would have COST him the fight, but that wasn't the case. He now reaped the fruits of his labor as Nora charged into him wildly.
("He gambled dangerously..." should either be "His dangerous gamble would have cost him...", "He gambled dangerously; which would have cost him...", or some other variation. Current phrasing doesn't make sense)
("Cost" is an irregular verb)
| Guest chapter 3 . 10/8
"So are you going to apologized?" he pressed with a growl."
"So are you going to APOLOGIZE?" he pressed with a growl."
| Guest chapter 2 . 10/8
The chapter is full of these, I'll give on example:
""And they still let you in? Man red, aren't you a lucky guy?""
Should be: "...Man, red, aren't you a lucky guy?"
Always use a comma to separate a name, nickname etc etc from the rest of the sentence to make it clear töwhat it is. In the example above it reads as Yang is calling Shirou "Man red". Readers will usually fill in the gaps themselves, but immersive readers will have their immersion broken and need to go back and re-read the text. The time lost might be minimal, but when faced with immersion breakers every time a name or nickname is used; most readers will just find something else to read rather than having to decrypt the text.
Also; very minor when compared to the lack of commas, but worth a mention nonetheless: nicknames and names are Capitalized. Thats one more way to make the text easier to read.