|Reviews for Mermaid out of Water|
| MandyQ Writes chapter 5 . 12/8/2016
"Only took you two half a decade."
Misty sighed smiling, "Sometimes it felt like two decades."
I felt almost like a voyeur reading this, honestly (like ten-year-old Misty, I guess, haha). But this was equal parts hilarious and awkward and painful and funny. And that little exchange right there made it all come together, and sums up the frustrations of the pokéshipping community - that call out to the show was so casually slipped in.
| Hakajin chapter 5 . 11/15/2016
Cute how they keep bumping shoulders; that's a nice little detail that adds a realistic and intimate touch. And it's good that Ash is still thinking about Pokemon and food, instead of being all mushy all of a sudden. Funny scene with Pikachu and Marill (although if Pikachu met Maril when she was still a baby...)
Ash and Misty's banter in the last part was funny and adorable, and felt totally in character; I can really imagine them being like that together. Good that you pointed out that their relationship hasn't really changed that much; their friendship really is the most important part. And it ended on a funny note. But yeah, this is how I like to see Ash and Misty characterized.
| Hakajin chapter 4 . 11/15/2016
Love how you start off here with Ash thinking that he always knew Misty would kill him. It's interesting, because it contrasts how their relationship was at the beginning, and how it is now. She still scares him, but for completely different reasons.
I'm kinda not so sure about why Ash thinks Misty is so perfect here, though. I mean... I can see why he thinks she's amazing, but she's been kinda mean to him up until now. If I were him, I'd be annoyed with her.
This doesn't feel like the time for them to be arguing to me. I mean, the biggest conflict has already taken place, you've released the tension that was building up in the last chapter. This feels like the place for reconciliation, and another argument just kinda slows that down.
And I would've liked to see more build-up to Ash's confession. Because up until this point, he hasn't really mentioned his feelings one way or the other. I get the impression that he hasn't really thought about it much, so for him to blurt it out all of a sudden... I feel like it's telling and not showing.
I do like it, though, that Misty wasn't aware of Ash's feelings, either, and just assumed that he didn't feel the same. But then... if he loves her, then why hasn't he kept in touch with her? It is good that they're gonna be travelling together again, though.
| Hakajin chapter 3 . 11/14/2016
Ha, love how Misty starts out with "sometimes" and then says too much; I can totally see her doing it. Good to see Ash concerned about her... and it was really cute when he was mocking the guy, and Misty's laughing. Misty's still being kinda unreasonable, but...I like seeing the two of them enjoy each others' company; that's the kind of chemistry I like to see between them.
Kinda having trouble with the logistics of this scene with the rack, though. If it's seven feet high, and Misty's hanging off of it, and Ash is trying to pull the tail off of her... he still shouldn't be hanging off the ground, because Misty herself isn't seven feet in the air. Again, I felt like Misty wasn't being fair with Ash when she got mad at him; it's not like he meant to do it. I would think she'd be super-embarrassed, trying to cover herself up and screaming at him not to look. It doesn't seem likely that she'd kiss him like that... Like, where does that come from? I kinda get what you're going for, but I don't see why that situation would make her frustrated with him, not like that. It's kinda counter-intuitive, too, because she's embarrassed; seems like the last thing she'd want to do is get closer to Ash.
The fallout was pretty funny, though. I kept thinking in previous chapters about what someone would think if they heard Ash and Misty talking through the door.
| Julie Togepi chapter 5 . 11/14/2016
This was adorable! I loved how they reacted! Don't want to know what's happening in that Pokeball. Anyways, I hope there is a sequel to their adventures in Aloha! Anyways, I see what you did with the plan ticket. :)
| Hakajin chapter 2 . 11/11/2016
First off, I really enjoyed this chapter; it was great watching Ash and Misty being so awkward together. Seriously, it just gets worse and worse for them, and it's still believable, because they're not trying to do anything.I smirked pretty much the entire time. The dialogue was good; when Ash said, "At least I know how to take off my pants," I cracked up. And the part where Misty tells Ash off for not staying in touch, I liked that a lot (although, who's included in "us?" Brock? The first people I thought of was her sisters, but Ash didn't know them very well, so that didn't make much sense). It makes sense that she'd be upset about that, and that she'd have let it out after trying to hold it in.
I did think you could have built up to it a little more, though. I mean, you did hint at it a little in the first chapter, but... There wasn't much of an impression that it was something that was really bothering Misty. As it is... I feel like that particular argument could've been written better. When Misty's criticizing Ash, and he hasn't been doing anything wrong and is just trying to defend himself, she comes off as a little bitchy, even if there is more going on with her than what's on the surface. I think Misty's mature enough by now to reign it in when she starts overdoing it.
I did really like the part where Ash says, "You think about me?" That made me go, "Aw!" It didn't feel forced from Misty's side, either, so that's good.
Still enjoying it overall!
| Hakajin chapter 1 . 11/11/2016
Well, that's one way to get Ash and Misty to move forward! Seriously, this is about the funniest Pokeshipping fic I've read since "The Bet." Um. Does that actually mean anything to you? It's been a while. But yeah, I like that they've been forced into this situation; fics where Misty's really coming onto Ash, or he makes a move on her don't work too well for me. I mean, if they're gonna get together, it's gonna be slow and awkward, so I prefer it like this.
In the first chapter, Though, I thought the writing sounded like you were trying to hard to be creative? Like, "But that meant slipping out of it was like pulling off a Pokemon heist orchestrated by Jessie and James." The metaphor doesn't really work because... well, I see what you're trying to do, trying to use two meanings of "pull off," but that doesn't really emphacize how hard it is to pull off the mermaid tail. You'd be better off with a visual metaphor. Also, "Slowly, a look of horror crept onto her face, like a Haunter emerging from a beautiful antique portrait, more than ready to drag its victim to the afterlife." The problem here is... well, first off, when you compare these two things, the first thing I think of is Haunter's expression, which doesn't really match Misty's, because Haunter would be the one doing the scaring. But more than that, it's just too detailed for what it's describing. Description draws focus, and it's best to save the heavy description for the most important stuff. Here, it just distracts from the story, makes me imagine something that doesn't really have anything to do with it. Also, "A bead of sweat wandered along her brow, dripping to the floor to join its siblings on the floor." Sweat drops don't really wander; they run. And why personify it? Again, when you call attention to something, there needs to be a reason for it, and it doesn't feel like there is here.
I did like it when you had Misty thinking about what she would call a fish knife (although it seems kinda out of character that she'd be bothered by aquatic related trivia, being as fond of water and water Pokemon as she is). I like that kind of funny stream of thought detail; it makes sense here because Misty's thoughts are kind of racing, due to the situation she's in.
So, yeah, good overall, looking forward to seeing where you go with this.
| Mrs. Nose chapter 5 . 11/10/2016
Haha, this fanfic was such a fun read! I laughed a lot.
I hope we'll see more from you soon :)
| Mrs. Nose chapter 4 . 11/10/2016
Yay, finally a confession!
"Misty sighed, smiling. "Sometimes it felt like two decades."" - I see what you did there XDD
| Mrs. Nose chapter 3 . 11/10/2016
I simply loved the paragraph where she described everything he does that she hates. I'd quote it, but I think you know which one I'm talking about XD
WHAT, he took her bikini top off and she kissed him? WHAT KIND OF SITUATION IS THAT?
| Mrs. Nose chapter 2 . 11/10/2016
"Ash was practically rolling on the floor. "M-maybe you should cut down on the fish food. Too much is bad for your figure!"" - that made me laugh so much XD
The awkward position almost had me killed too lol Of course Ash would make things worse.
| Poke shipper chapter 5 . 11/8/2016
Can't wait to see ash and misty go to aloha together it's the perfect region for misty since it's mostly like a beach through out the region and there's alot of water Pokemon that she can obtain to help reach her goal of becoming a water Pokemon master and im never giving up on misty returning and traveling with ash again those two are my favorite paring and characters since episode 1 I hope these two end up together soon great chapter keep up the good work and poke shipping forever
| PokeshipHeart chapter 5 . 11/8/2016
Youre pretty fond of innuendoes huh?
| PokeshipHeart chapter 4 . 11/8/2016
Pikachu's a sneaky little rat huh? and thats literally not figuratively.
So if u think about it technically this makes one hell of a prequel for the first theme "Alola"
| PokeshipHeart chapter 3 . 11/8/2016
I dont care how it all led to this, but glad that it Happened.