|Reviews for The Undisputed|
| Tritio chapter 32 . 7/4
Thank you for writing this amazing fanfic! I like how you've logically amended the story to make things more believable. I hope you'll write again one day. But even if you don't, that you for what you've already written.
| Black Magic99 chapter 32 . 6/21
come on you cant end it here! this is the most realistic "fix it" story ive ever read. its so great have to at least complete ME1 if not all three.
| Thanatos 2018 chapter 32 . 5/16
Well than. This is the best male and female shepard fanfiction I've ever read so far. I like the concept of shepard being married and this story is very good so far and I like how their able to read each other. I can't wait for mass effect 2 now. "I'll deposit one bullet. Where do you want it?"
| rmw5763 chapter 22 . 2/28
That was an Awwwwwwww chapter. So funny at the end.
| PoofyOhio chapter 32 . 2/18
Generally this story is one of the rare “good” ones. But in my eyes it has a glaring flaw which very much ruins it for me. The interactions and relationships between(and events related to them) Marcus, Jiana, and Liara FEEL just soooo... unreal, forced, not genuine, so utterly jarring in comparison to the rest of the story, it makes those parts, at times, completely unreadable. You read this epic story full of action, kickass tech stuff, Mass Effect actually making an assload of sense, interesting character interactions and development, and then there’s the aforementioned topic. It’s like a slap in the face, completely jarring from whatever came beforehand. It feels very shoehorned in, like it wasn’t originally meant to be there.
Otherwise the story is great.
| warpathpredator chapter 3 . 1/13
I am completely enjoying the story you've written, and hope for more soon.
Though I think I found a "typo"... in the scene where Shepherd's party meet Ashley. She says "Commander Shepherd of Eden Prime...", I think you ment to say Elesiem, Mindior, or Torfan. As those are locations that Shepherd had notable activities.
Aside from that I can see no errors at all.
| Glumski chapter 24 . 12/25/2019
Personally, I didn't like this story all that much, which is why I stopped reading it after this chapter. There were some things I enjoyed quite a lot, though, so I think I owe you a proper review. Let's start with the (IMHO) negative things, so we can end it with fuzzy feelings.
Language-wise, there were only a few systematic things I noticed. I'm not an English major or even a native speaker, but I like to consider myself quite good at grammar. Not that it matters; I didn't notice any grave errors anyway. There were a few times where you used the singular verb instead of the plural ("Alice and Bob is good at cryptography", instead of "are"); I'm guessing that happened in editing instead of as an actual error. There were quite a few noun markers missing; I think the first was in the very first chapter, something along the lines of "Ambassador did something", where it should say "The ambassador". That kept happening throughout the story, so it might be a systematic thing. Just FYI; perhaps that happened during editing, too.
My biggest issue unfortunately lies with the protagonists. Marcus appears far too much like a Mary Sue to me: he's the perfect soldier, perfect leader, perfect strategist, perfect technician... I'm not sure if I can even fault you for that as it needs someone that exemplary to win against the Reapers, but still, it made him somewhat bland and uninteresting. Jaina was even worse IMHO; the perfect soldier and wife in every regard, even going so far as to invite pretty women into her husband's bed. Not that I'm against that at all; it just sounded stilted and artificial to me.
Likewise, the conversations sometimes sounded a bit stilted to me, but that may just come from not being a native speaker (either on your side or on mine, or perhaps on both).
My last point of criticism would me the technical details. I'm absolutely not against this by default, but I felt that some paragraphs concerning the technical specs were unneeded. I do like to know how things work on the technical side, and I can't thank you enough that you actually did try to give proper explanations. However, at times the technical specs didn't add anything to the story or the technical understanding; it was more like you explaining your head canon. That's entirely fair (and even interesting), too, of course, but personally, I think that it shouldn't happen in the story itself but maybe in Author's Notes, or in your bio, or a separate file/story, much like it was inside the Codex in the games and not told to you by one of the characters.
Now, regarding the positive things, I really, really, really did enjoy you making sense of the plot holes, and going at it in a way that makes sense from a technical standpoint. I'm an astrophysicist myself, and while I don't bother with scientific accuracy (otherwise any kind of SciFi would be impossible to enjoy), I think that the brilliant new universes should at least be self-consistent. Mass Effect did a pretty good job at that (at least compared to, say, Star Wars), but you tried and succeeded at perfecting it. So, yeah. Politicians acted like politicians instead of spoiled brats, new intel didn't come out of absolutely nowhere but from logical sources, etc..
I also did enjoy many of the characters. I've always loved Tali, so it might be entirely subjective that I liked her here, too. However, I've never been too fond of Ashley, and she was great here, likewise with Wrex. I probably enjoyed reading about Liara most; she seems to undergo the most development of character, and while it seemed a bit artificial and convoluted, I did enjoy the budding romance between her and the Shepards.
What I enjoyed most, however, was the Thorian. I liked the concept and the implementation; it honestly was just fascinating to read about. Great job with that!
All in all, I think this story has a lot of potential. For some reason, I didn't have all that much fun reading it, which is why I stopped after in chapter 24. I'm sure a lot of people love this, and I can understand why. So I hope you'll come back to this (as it's been a year since the last update), or at least that you'll continue writing fanfiction. I'd love to see an engineer's expertise in quite a lot of fandoms, so... yeah.
| KC0IVQ chapter 17 . 11/27/2019
I read you A/N on chapter 17. Was the hint something at the end of the chapter that has to do with biology of a character changing? I won't get more specific to avoid spoilers but I can be contacted by pm if you want. This is a very interesting story so far. I have noticed that you haven't updated in almost a year I hope everything is okay because so far I am really looking forward to seeing how this story ends.
| Boby335 chapter 20 . 11/17/2019
Really loving the story, I just hope there's more in the future.
| PoofyOhio chapter 5 . 11/11/2019
The death of either Shepard would be such a catastrophic twist/event, that would add such an indescribable and impactful moment. It honestly worries me that it might actually happen because... well all good things must come to an end.
| PoofyOhio chapter 1 . 11/9/2019
I already love this Shepard
| slpwlkr chapter 1 . 9/28/2019
Even though it's probably "dead fic" by now, it's a very good read. I'm following this story since the beginning and each chapter is really really well done. I just had some time on my hand and read the whole story again and it was great. Hopefully there's more to come...
| Gwrahe3150 chapter 32 . 9/11/2019
Can we expect any new chapters this year? Also it would be smart if the scorpions side turrets and main guncould be controlled separately for urban combat. That way you could have the gunner and passengers shooting in three different directions while the driver does their thing.
| deathstalker982 chapter 5 . 9/8/2019
2 things, first, you mentioned in an earlier chapter that english isn't your native language, i have to say that it isn't obvious, you actually write better than most native english speakers, so kudos to you. i just wanted to point out a spelling mistake i caught, when you spelled taxi, you put a y where the i is.
second, while i congratulate you for just how well you know military stuff, there is one thing i can point out from both what i have read by authors who are former military, and from things my brother has said(he's in the navy). All the mods and non-standard equipment that the Shepards have is against regulations, and only way they could use them in the field was if they were to either have an Admiral who is a Fleet Commander(because they're navy, and it needs to be someone with that much authority) authorize a field test of the modifications, each modification individually, or they would have to send the modifications up through their chain of command and get them standardized, otherwise, they could get hammered by a lot of broken regs the moment Fleet Headquarters heard about it, which their superior officer would be duty bound to report. Unless Spec. Ops. soldiers operate under different regulations, that is(and i've never heard about something like that, though then again i've never met, nor read anything by, a former Spec. Ops. guy or gal, so i don't know). It wouldn't be illegal to test the mods on their spare time, but not on their shifts, and not during combat. the regulations are there i believe so that things like weapons jamming more frequently(or in the case of this futuristic setting, something like a shield failing due to insufficient power or blowing up because the person didn't know what they were doing), as well as a money saver, admittedly. There's also the fact that different weapons and gear needs different maintenance and they only teach specific maintenance of specific gear and weapons for specific levels of training, so if it needs something not obvious done to keep it working and the person with the gear doesn't know to do it or know how, well, what then? while i can see the attraction, this is the least believable part of the story to me so far, since you've been otherwise strict in mentioning and following military regulations.
| Xtrepe Nobody chapter 32 . 8/6/2019
I really have enjoyed this tale. I can not wait to see how you develop a more intelligent Systems alliance military in later parts.