|Reviews for The Undisputed|
| SaintMichael95 chapter 31 . 6/19
I really hope you haven't abandoned this, but considering that it's been almost 7 months it seems like you have.
| antonio.cue.gervas chapter 28 . 6/15
I hope your current case of writer's block is over soon... this is a seriously good fix here
| antonio.cue.gervas chapter 16 . 6/12
Oh yeah. Best handling of the feros fallout ever!
| HelenTheMoon chapter 31 . 6/12
Alright, I have quite a few things to review on. Since for the most part people are showering you in praise, I'll start with criticism.
First of all, your last update was on December. Now it's June. From what I understand this is a very long pause by your standards. I have seen plenty of excellent fanfics being abandoned without warning, with a "see you soon" note at the bottom.
Next, I don't like how you seem to burn some of the side quests in the original games. Some of them I understand, but damn near ALL of them? Like the part in which you have to scan the Keepers, which shows that there are ordinary people in the Citadel who ARE willing to poke the elephant in the living room. Your entire story is this theme with lots of tech. Another thing that troubles me with the side missions is that if they don't have Liara, Jaina or Marcus in them, they're not properly featured. What happened with the AI on Luna, which was shouting HELP ME and was later used to construct EDI? What happened to the Silver spheres which revealed that the Protheans experimented on primitive species? OK, Garrus got to kill Saleon in his infamously ironic Archangel style, but we didn't see it. Wrex got his ancestors' armor back, but we didn't see it. Those are IMPORTANT things and you skipping over them just makes no sense to me. They are significant arcs of their characters and I can't imagine the other characters having such a mild reaction to Garrus growing organ-tumours in his victim's body (while he had not any visible tendencies of that kind before) or Wrex retrieving a relic of Krogan culture (which as far as most species are concerned, it does not extend beyond shooting and headbutting) with a deep personal meaning to him to the point they would not comment on it.
Alright, I veered whit off-topic here. What I mean to say is that on a number of occasions anyone who is not part of your romantic trio feels out of focus, because they are overshadowed by your trio.
Speaking of your trio, I understand that you are a guy with needs and while I have a few things to say about the threesome thing that's going on (mind you, the idea of two Commanders is brilliant), I can say from a perfectly objective standpoint that:
a) the 99.9...% percent of the women - OK the percentage is an exaggeration but still - would not actively goad their husbands get a girlfriend
b) given that Marcus at first only has eyes - and his everything - for Jaina, looking at another girl is out of character
c) I'm fairly confident that Asari do NOT have the same pleasure spots as humans. They're ALIENS, not women in blue. Given how their reproduction system works, their birth canals shouldn't have any sort of sexual stimulation system like a human female's do.
I'm begrudging you on the pairing itself - that's entirely your business and I have seen weirder - but I must point out those things. I also hope that in the future you will shed a bit of the spotlight on the other romances that are obviously budding there.
Finally, I noticed an inconsistency. Early on, right before the first meld with Liara, Wrex mentions that an Asari friend of his once hm with a nasty Blood Rage episode. In the last chapter, you say that Wrex has a mutation which prevents him from getting the blood rage.
That's all I had to say. I hope my input was useful.
| BlackAdder117 chapter 31 . 6/6
Firstly, can say that I am enjoying this fic of yours immensely! I really do like how you've expanded on the technical side of the lore, especially in regards to the equipment that everyone uses, and what purpose it was made for; even going so far as to incorporate real life-like names for them.
The other thing that I'd like to point out is that fact that many of the scenes, assignments, missions & storylines that you've converted from the game actually feel that they flow alot better and feel more natural than the game handled e.g. such as the utilisation of Liara's network for intel gathering, and the whole incident with the Thorian; as well as the interaction, dialogue and banter between the squadmates and other characters. Feels kick-arse and refreshing!
Another element is the fact that certain changes to the whole story including the Alliance, as well as other large players galaxy being proactive about the Reapers is a great change of pace compared to the base game. It seems like the endgame will be absolutely awesome showdown!
In addition, the fact that this incarnation of Shepard is married, and that his wife is not only another N7, but also the XO and a significant character is really welcoming. Adds a much needed dynamic to the squad as a whole. Ditto with the expanded marine detachment that comes with the Normandy as well. I always thought the Normandy felt a little empty and void of life and commotion that normally would be apparant on such a ship.
I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that, in short, what you have written is a fantastic story - IMHO - that I think, in some ways, exceeds the original and makes it appear quite bland by comparison. I hope that you continue thisin the future, as I will be looking forward to the next chapter very much!
| Nereus24 chapter 18 . 6/3
Concerning Krogan agingprocess my headcannon is that they are biologically virtually immortal considering their regeneration (like a Wraith from Stargate Atlantis) and only get stronger and bigger as they age. And considering Wrex is a Battlemaster and not a Berserker like the majority of the Krogan militia/warhorde it is likely that he is ancient. If you would like an example you can read Logical Premise‘s Mass effect stories, which have this mechanism for the Krogans. In it Wrex is a thousand years old and Okeer approximately sevent housand years old and an almost impossible to kill being, not one who dies by sniffing a bit of poison gas.
| tempetepapillon chapter 2 . 5/30
a full auto mattock? that is simply sacrilegious. the best part of that thing is it makes idiotic spray and pray impossible. it a weapon for a surgeon wielding a scalpel with the impact of a sledgehammer
| Zarroc789 chapter 31 . 5/27
cannot wait for the next chapter this is the third time I've read this I really hope you update soon
| fresh prince1 chapter 31 . 5/27
liked the action and liked the talks.
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 27 . 5/27
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 30 . 5/21
Love just found can't wait for more well good news just stun all the Asari and Benezia keep knock out get to the Thorian and remove the Reaper control of course this means reinforcing Feros with a Fleet as only anti indoctrination likely worse case a Seed so it can't be taken out in one go.
Still Sov can send a Heretic Fleet against Feros and not directly engage if it wants to glass the colony or not as mental link fears as Thorian could die and lose the info in Saren mind and force a ground action and prevent orbital strikes.
| Friend of the Dark chapter 2 . 5/16
Does Marcus just design combat related things? I think it would be interesting to see him design something non-combat related like an exo-suit to help Joker get around. It could be a challenge that someone gives him.
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 31 . 5/16
| JrOfDirt1998 chapter 31 . 5/13
really looking forward to more chapters. awesome work here. one of the best mass effect fanfics I've read.
| Rydan fall chapter 30 . 5/9
Right now, the Salarians should be working on the Tempest class ships for the Andromeda Inititive.
And Cerberus must be working on the SR2
Ryder was a friend of Shepard, back in the day, in the AME fluff.
What if they can liberate these initial designs and use them to make their own design?
I for one can not understand why Shepard did not send that Moon AI to Ryder, same for that rogue Citadel AI.
Besides SAM, It could give them EDI and whatever you call that other AI.
That in turn should let them more easily play with ship blueprints and other big designs.
The upper mid section of the Tempest is great in design and could really work quite well with the SR2. (lets them ad a warroom or Acturus Station style holodeck)
Same for the engine room, if updated with some SR1 console parts.
Yeah, the SR2 only has two engineerings decks, one of them open to the reactor core and no metal shutter door of any kind.
Besides, only two decks?
Three would be way more logical and far more practical. as well.
Now, I hope they have a nuke from some salvaged satteliet or else have gotten some heavy duty gear.
Do check Noveria her car hanger, it had a Mako in it.
Claim it and a third shuttle could be made.
True, parking might become a bit more diffecult, thanks to the tight spot on the Normandy.
But maybe they should start looking into crafting some more stuff of their own, as a emergency stash for later.