Reviews for Picture Perfect
SpookyNooodle chapter 11 . 6/6
Well that was nothing short of delightful.

My one overall note is one that I mentioned in a few reviews, that the relationship seemed a given, and that we skipped directly over from friends to boyfriend/girlfriend.

The drama was tasteful, the fluff sickeningly sweet (in a good way), and this is overall one of my favorite fics. I'll see you around.
SpookyNooodle chapter 10 . 6/6
Ah inconsistency, thy name is Picture Perfect. (I'm teasing.)

As I said on discord, I'll be gentle, but specific. Nicholas brings a strong sense of tonal whiplash to the fic. His scathing loathing seems incongruous with the sweet fluff and light hormonal drama we had for the last 9 chapters. He someone manages to feel out of character despite the fact that we've never met him before this scene.

I could see him being disappointed in Jaune, I could even see him assuming the fight was faked, and asking for Crocea Mors back, but his demeanor while doing so was almost laughably childish. How could Juniper possibly marry and be willing to have eight children with a man like that? How could Jaune possibly look up to him? And if he wasn't always like this, then what could cause so drastic a change?

Cardin also felt inconsistent. Yes, he got better, but i don't know if he could "admit my weaknesses and beatings to a kid I used to bully in front of the entire school" better. I appreciated his intervention, but it didn't feel right for Cardin.
SpookyNooodle chapter 9 . 6/4
I was gonna haven't they kissed yet?

The fight was a little simplistic, but that's honestly okay. It's not a fighting fic, or an adventure fic. It's (ostensibly) about romance, so the fights being skimmed over is preferably to having them draw too much focus.

Any way, banter is hella cute, but I would've been intrigued to see Pyrrha, Ruby, and Yang's (and Blake and Weiss at this point, who fucking knows?) reactions to the big kiss. They're 'over it', but I think we know from experience that they're not REALLY over it.
SpookyNooodle chapter 8 . 6/4
I'd honestly forgotten about Roman, but I'm very glad that you included him in the story, and the present to Nora was just delightful. The conflict with Jaune feels...well, not exactly "sudden." but as I've said for other portions of the fic, "robbed." I wanted to hear exactly what Jaune's father said, rather than just get the tail end of the conversation.

I'm also a little confused about the established scene, like when Nora suddenly came with JNPR, when it previously seemed like Jaune, Ren, and Pyrrha were going to Beacon alone.

I'm also a little confused why Blake and Weiss would volunteer information about their boyfriends so easily. Unless those two are ALSO crushing on Jaune, in which case: YOU DAMN TEASE!
SpookyNooodle chapter 7 . 6/4
Not a lot I really wanna tear into, so you're safe for now XD

There were a few instances of incorrect grammar or dangling clauses, such as every member of RWBY, Pyrrha, and Nora lifting Yang onto their collective shoulders.

I'm intrigued by Jaune's frustration with his family, and enjoyed the team names you created, though I'm not sure why you didn't just replace CKCI with FNKI and not worry about the odd team out at all.
SpookyNooodle chapter 6 . 6/1
I feel like this story has an unfortunate trend of robbing us of meaning in the resolutions XD

I'm glad Pyrrha was able to get her feelings out, but one thing I'm confused and a little irritated about is the mention of Ruby and Yang's feelings too! What?! Why must you torment me with such delicious colorguard, only to yank it away again?! :weary:

You wound me panda, you really do.
SpookyNooodle chapter 5 . 6/1
I'm glad that Pyrrha was just as confused about Yang's behavior as I was, but I'm a little frustrated that Cardin robbed us of the catharsis of having them either fight or Pyrrha realize everything on her own.

Wouldn't a little more cautious? It feels quite amateurish for her to be played as easily as she was.

Again, Jaune and Velvet are extremely cute, but it doesn't feel earned because their relationship and their intimacy has been a given since chapter two. If this was 'just a friend date', why is Jaune already sharing deeply personal secrets? Why is he already calling her his girlfriend? And if they agreed to be a couple, where were those scenes!? I wanna see the relationship won, struggled for! Fluff pieces are cute, but they aren't as satisfying.

Right now, the cinder plot line feels extremely unnecessary. I get if you wanna have a happy ending, but you could just say, near the events of the Fall, "Ozpin used the scroll Nora found to apprehend dangerous criminals." It would feel cheap IF the fall of Beacon was the focus of your story, but it's not. The focus is velvet and Jaune's (apparently given) relationship, and Pyrrha's apprehensions about it. If it doesn't deal with your plot or subplot, cut it out or save it for another fic.
SpookyNooodle chapter 4 . 6/1
There's lots of little good bits of characterization, like Jaune posing with the sculpture, and the forehead touches were sickeningly sweet.

However, the scene with Yang and Pyrrha felt a little...sorry to say: contrived. It felt narratively anticlimactic for yang to go and talk to her, only for Pyrrha to fess everything up right away, even though such scenes do happen irl. And then, the ending. I could definitely see Yang 'pursuing' Jaune to kick Pyrrha into gear, but those last bits of dialogue... Yang said she was going to "go after him", "get him herself", which all have very romantic connotations. To have Yang turn around and say "I never said I liked him" feels a little silly, in just how untrue it is.
SpookyNooodle chapter 3 . 5/30
I really like the deviation of Cinder's scroll ending up with Ozpin. It's a surprisingly simple way of starting the dominoes in motion to thwart the fall entirely.

One thing I'm less excited about is why Nora was so adamant about helping Pyrrha (BTW, loved the return of Fear-ha) herself, and then just gave up to let RWBY do all the work for her. Where was that fight from before? I do, however, always appreciate some serious Nora, and I like the continuation of addressing Pyrrha's feelings, but at this point, it feels like we're addressing them even more than we are Jaune and velvet's still ambiguous relationship.
SpookyNooodle chapter 2 . 5/30
Well, you started to spell Pyrrha's name right, and Nora and Yang's characterization is great, but everyone else feels a little generic. There's nothing in Jaune or Velvet's behavior or word choice to distinguish them from each other or to link them to their Canon personalities. They both seem nice, but there's not much more to them.

I also would've appreciated seeing them come together as more than just friends, rather than it being assumed as a given, or handled off screen. Their relationship is also a little vague; are they dating, boyfriend and girlfriend? Or are they just friends going on a date. How big of a deal is this for CFVY?

I do appreciate how you continued to address Pyrrha's feelings, rather than assuming they just dropped.
SpookyNooodle chapter 1 . 5/30
I appreciate the lack of purple prose that so often plagues these kinds of fics, and I also appreciate that Velvet isn't a totally stammering, spineless mess like in so many other fics. However, you misspelled 'Pyrrha' pretty consistently, which was admittedly hilarious to hear the TTS narrator try to pronounce.

While I appreciated the inclusion of certain Canon events, I also would like to know which events DIDN'T happen from Canon. Did Jaune's rooftop bet with Pyrrha never happen? Was velvet the only one to give Jaune the 'be yourself' advice?

There were also a few times where the scene didn't feel completely set up. For example, it was a complete surprise when Ren stepped in in the first scene, I had no idea he was there, and I spent the rest of the scene wondering where Pyrrha was.
TobiTheVeryBest chapter 11 . 4/4
RWBY how it should've beenI swear, it was short, but that didn't make it any less worth reading. Great job! Hopefully charismatic gamer doesn't break the chain.
lightningstrxu chapter 11 . 2/25
A cute and fluffy tail, a short and sweet little read. I especially love how Cinder was taken down.
giolingad chapter 1 . 2/14
it's pyrrha not phyrra
hakon2feb chapter 11 . 1/1
Really liked this story after having gotten a recommendation from Xomniac about your 'Gamer Jaune' story (I haven't started reading that yet, but this one looked interesting too :) ).
I think you managed to split the focus between the teams and Jaune/Velvet quite well, and it was a fun read even with the slightly depressing main antagonist :p
Keep up the good work, and happy new year :)

107 | Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »