It's so fantastic how they spend 7 years in a coma up the ass and it only takes 2 or 3 months of running in the mornings and training to be able to fight Hibari and then they come out with nonsense like" remember your coma, you're not 100% yet."

Is coma subjective now? Or is it only a good resource when you need to say that you can't write good fights?

Sure, let's tell everyone we meet along the way otherworldly secrets and hope they have no questions about it then. How clever you are.

You're more concerned with every movement of the character that you even have to describe how he blinks, rather than the coherence of the story. You don't read what you write at all.

So you're worried about the exact description of an eye or the pressure of the atmosphere? But not the fact that a person goes from furious to laughing in the blink of an eye? It would work on someone like Byakuran, but on Enma?

You didn't even make the effort to read the manga?

They're all supergenius one moment and the next they're a bunch of bipolar unfunny clowns.

Stop inserting your comments in the middle of people's thoughts.

You simply throw away a literary device just so you don't have to insert a necessary interaction for the plot when you advance knowledge of a character who has not yet been introduced as such.

Only to then insert the same comment and fall into redundancy.

Make up your mind!

Why can't friends talk to each other in a normal way?!

Why do they put 10 different titles each in each conversation!

They have names!

Use them.

Stop making secondary characters a bunch of soulless sticks!

You need to learn how to describe people.

"The anonymous girl

"The dark-haired man"

"The doctor"

Why do people refer to themselves with titles or strange things when you talk about them?

They have names for heaven's sake!

Brother you really need to read more. It's always the same with the angry reactions.

A touch of this. A touch of the other. A touch of that.

A touch of that. A touch of this. A touch of this.

I admit it with dignity. It was a good chapter.

You care more about the colour of those damn eyes than the diction of your show.

We're bad.

On the other hand, you write in the same way as writers of children's serials. You know, the kind that only have one silly plot in each episode. The problem is that at least in those shows, kids are taught something.

Yours is so cold that the only thing it would produce is indigestion.

Stop projecting yourself into the writing like you're a fucking Deadpool

Stop sticking your damn comments in the middle of the story for crying out loud!

Let us readers do those things in our heads. You take the good out of reading.

And yes, I'll keep writing reviews of every single thing that's wrong with your story.

See if you improve.

Dude, it's either Reborn's thoughts or it's your fucking thoughts.

Stop embedding your fucking comments into the thoughts of the characters, they take away from the seriousness and conciseness of the story. There is a time and place for everything and that applies to comedy as well.

Stop writing with your paws.

This is another annoying point: why is everyone always a fucking detective supreme? Why is it always the most fucking fanciful conclusion that wins out over reason, common sense, and reality?

Dude, slow the fuck down a bit.

People change, especially if they spent 7 fucking years in a coma.

How could that fucking girl know everything and every fucking move of someone she hasn't seen in 7 years?

How?!

And who the fuck are you woman?! A fucking soldier from another dimension to know what someone's eyes are hiding?

Looks like the weird one is the chick before Tsuna.

God, how do the people who write come to these conclusions. Don't they even read their drafts or is it just for "the coolest"?

And what the fuck is wrong with your fucking eyes.
They're just EYES for fuck's sake.

Dude, what the fuck? What's up with "Her sunset eyes" what the fuck? Who talks about themselves like that? What's next, his tree bark-coloured flatulence?

Talking about himself in 3 person and first person while giving himself weird titles like "the hidden time traveller" "the supplanted" "the ancient tenth" and shit like that?

Dude, what the fuck? That nurse almost didn't even figure out the kid's star sign just by looking at him. What the fuck are these completely unrealistic thoughts? Get out of the fucking cliché of throwing flowers everywhere the protagonist goes. Jesus Christ.

Discovered this platform called Storio (storioai dot com) recently. You can build interactive novels with decision points and art scenes. If you write a lot, this could save you time.

Love it
I started crying only the fact that I am work is holding the tears back