|Reviews for A Better Ending|
| Aferus chapter 3 . 3/9/2017
Haha, I love the enthusiasm in your work based on your author notes! That's really good! Positive energy into writing anything helps drive that motivation to keep moving forward with your creative thinking and generating pieces of improved content! :)
Now, this was an interesting chapter, adding up to the built-up tension between Anna and the Count. Now, obviously the woman has her heart on Van Helsing, she cares for him.
But no mortal woman can possibly resist the seductive charm of Count Dracula himself, you know? You did a good job of indicating that at the end, with Anna yearning for more from that kiss with him.
Now it begs the question, what's next? What will happen now? Is she possibly finding herself in a triangle between Van Helsing and the Count? Or is she still trying to resist the Count's charms? I guess I'll have to find out!
Overall, great work! Like I say with every piece, the writing can always be improved on. Revision, revision, revision. If you need help with revision, all you need is but ask! :)
Looking forward to the next chapter!
| Aferus chapter 2 . 3/8/2017
Interesting follow-on! A whole chain of events unfolded as the whole lot of those guests turned out to be vampires! I wonder how Van Helsing is going to fight his way out of this one! :o Shocking, though! I didn't think Carl was going to bite the dust so soon but it happened! Poor man, is he truly dead? I guess I'll have to find out!
I hope Anna's able to do some real damage against the Count after she pulled the trigger! I mean, he's already got Van Helsing outnumbered, let's even the chances on that a bit, you know?
Okay, so I'll note that this chapter seemed to lack a few more elements of description that you did pretty well in for the previous chapter. It wouldn't hurt to describe what was in the room that Anna found herself in, or the type of clothing the other vampires wore. These small details are crucial in being able to paint the picture for the readers to visualize what you're seeing, you know? Not something to hit you on but I thought you should know.
Apart from that, this isn't a bad story at all. I'd love to read some more! And I see that you've got a sequel lined up already too! I'll trek on through the rest of this short story if you'll allow me the honor, or course!
Alas, I must go for now, I'll leave the next review at my earliest convenience! Tomorrow ish lol. Yeah! Lol!
| Aferus chapter 1 . 3/8/2017
Quite an interesting introductory chapter you've got here! In fact, I believe I ran across this story ages ago, as far back as November or December, I think. I really enjoyed it reading it the first time and I enjoy it reading it now again for the second time! Of course, my most sincere apologies for not leaving a review earlier!
Now, in this chapter, I think I liked the way you portrayed Count Dracula to be, a very cunning seducer whose powers and abilities as a vampire were no match for Anna. That art of seduction is sometimes difficult to portray because it might come off too creepy or just lacks the imagery for the reader to comprehend what's going on.
But, you did it nicely here, almost placing the reader in Anna's shoes as she feels like she's losing control from his trance!
I'll also add that I love it when writers make use of textual formatting to emphasize words in their stories. For example; you italicized and emboldened certain words so that you can emphasize the thought or phrase you're trying to convey so that it hits the reader at the impact you want it to. Very well done!
Overall, I like this first chapter! This is well written stuff! No doubt there! Reading on, will review as I can per chapter here! :)
| DraculasBride22 chapter 5 . 12/23/2016
I can't wait to read more, you must give me more
| prescottryan1900 chapter 1 . 12/21/2016
I have to say, this chapter just built up the suspense for the other chapters. Great job! I've never been this drawn into a story before.