|Reviews for Saving Lillie|
| An Author's Pen chapter 1 . 1/16/2017
Part 1 felt rushed to me and was basically a (well-written) rewrite of the game plot with a few minor changes that didn't seem to be affecting anything majorly. I couldn't figure out who Soleil was for all of part 1. My first thought was actually that she was a psychic pokemon (it was late). Then I looked up Soleil and realized that she was Sun. Even after that, though, I didn't understand her role in the story, since Luna is clearly the main-game protagonist.
Part 2 also felt, quite honestly, longer than it needed to be. The game recaps always had interesting details added - the idea that Lillie was dressed to look like Nilego is not something I'd noticed before and wow is that creepy - but not enough to change the sense that this was the game done over with an additional character and a protagonist with more personalty. I really liked how you described the world of the ultra beasts (and the upside-down reference), as well as the further world-building that it is poisonous.
Part 3 worked the best for me. I enjoyed the Lillie-centric pov and how you expanded on her post-game situation. I particularly love the sentence where Lillie is feeling angry at the other kids at the abusive parenting session and thinks through her anger in such a prim and self-conscious way.
The ending felt satisfying - with how it's written there's no way for it not to feel satisfying - the description and inner monologue come together very well. But I was bothered by the emphasis that her friends place on her becoming a trainer. Yes, it's a way to be free and independent in this world. And Lillie certainly deserves to have freedom and companionship. But all the same, it's clear Lillie does not like battling and does not aspire to like it, and will never face battles with the pure gusto that Luna does. And when Lillie's whole story is about her being molded by her mother and finally escaping that, it bothers me to think that now she has to have her future molded by her (certainly well-meaning) friends.
The writing was solid throughout (more than solid, really, but I kind of expect that from you), and it was a nice read, but I think it might be stronger as a standalone story if you emphasized part 3 or increased Lillie's pov.
| Negrek chapter 1 . 1/2/2017
Or not January at all!
I really like the descriptions of the other dimension in this story-the very first wormhole that swallows Lusamine and Guzma up, the part where Solgaleo and Lunala are singing and they create a crack in reality in particular. I thought they were nice and creepy and wonderfully descriptive. I also liked how you kind of tied things into the "Gods and Demons" continuity with the cryptidex and how the pokédex works in general. make slendamantis a meme 2k17
I also cracked a huge smile at Guzma's entrance during the Aether Paradise segment-so Guzma!
Overall, my favorite parts of this story were the ones from Lillie's POV-mainly the "part 3" bit at the end. I thought you did a great job of showing how Lusamine's parenting has really messed Lillie up in ways she doesn't even realize. The therapy group part where she kind of despises the other kids was particularly good, I thought. Very realistic that Lillie isn't able to be totally empathetic when she's going through so much herself and that, yeah, it would probably be kind of
(I admit that I thought the game strongly implied that Lillie was going to Kanto specifically to start a trainer journey, so I was initially confused when that wasn't immediately what she did, but I probably misinterpreted it, heh-the specifics of cutscenes tend to go right out of my head.)
There was only one thing that kind of weirded me out about this one, and that was the inclusion of Soleil. I'm guessing Luna/Soleil are basically expies of the duo that's appeard in "Gods and Demons" and "Those Who Can't Be Kept," so this is kind of "the continuing adventures of," but to me it seemed like Soleil didn't really do much for the story. She made a few quips, and she got them the flutes by sheer force of personality, but I think it wouldn't be hard to cut her completely without affecting the story. And you had to make accomodations for her being there, like the two cosmog (well, didn't have to, but it made more sense), so I just kind of wondered... why? What's her role in this story?
I was also not totally sure why you included the first bit, in Aether Paradise. It was a nice retelling of that part of the game story, I obviously enjoyed Guzma's bit and I thought Lusamine's was done very well, too, but that part above all felt like a straight retelling of ingame events where there was very little AU going on. I think it might have been more effective to start this one-shot a bit further in, where the focus really shifts more to Lillie.
Great to see a story that really looks at how Lillie might move past some of the crap Lusamine piled on her and finally seize the day, as it were. The games definitely don't address it very well at all. Overall, sequel in which Lillie becomes a trainer and your buddy with Nebby by her side is 12/10 would play for me, and this fanfic does a nice job of showing how we might get there.
| St Elmo's Fire chapter 1 . 12/31/2016
This is so good! The open-ended abuse apologia ending of this plot always bothered me, and I'm amazed you gave Lillie such a good ending while still being so true to her character. (In particular, I like how you emphasize that this really is going to kill Lusamine and saving her is their motive; I thought that was the point in canon and was really baffled when she seemed to be totally fine.) I love how much detail you work into everything, like [all of them had that pressure, that sense of life from an occupied pokéball], and how varied and irreverent you make the main characters. There's so much personality in everything, and it's really great how you streamline and spice up the canon sections. (LOL at Soleil playing fair turnabout when Faba breaks the rules; that provides some pretty good explanation for why we don't see trainer attacks more often.)
I do have to wonder why Gladion's so callous in this, though - I kept expecting him to talk to Lillie at some point, and it seems uncharacteristically cruel of him to just ignore her completely for... what, months? Years? Bringing up Mohn also raises questions - like, is Poke Pelago common knowledge? Is he not trapped there? Why isn't he doing more for his kids? That feels like too big of a point to bring up suddenly at the end with no followup.