Reviews for The Aroma of Lavenders
Eryniel Alasse chapter 3 . 9/8/2015
Ohhkay… Please don't take this as a flame.

This needs some work. It really does. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. I'm fourteen right now, and you're making mistakes a year ahead of me that I never, not even when I was half this age, made. There's a system here called the "beta" system where you're able to ask a fellow author to read your story and edit it for everything from grammar to canon details. I'd strongly suggest that you get one; they're infinitely useful, and most of the better authors use one, although I myself do not. I am, however, a beta for someone else, so I suppose that qualifies me to self-edit.

This tale poorly structured, with large gaps in time and continuity. Presumably, there's at least several thousand years between chapter one and chapter two, because Asrelia has to grow up some before she's even a suitable candidate for Legolas. Truly, if you don't know about the basics of Elven aging, well… they age very slowly, and they grow up the same way too.

Many facets of Asrelia's tale are quite unrealistic; the underlying reasons for her capture do not much sense at all. What, precisely, did Norcomic desire from Lord Elrond, and more importantly, why did he keep Asrelia? She is clearly an important prisoner, due to her noble rank, and he must still have some use for her, else a person like him wouldn't hesitate to slit her throat and dump her in the river. But to place her in a cabin in the woods, *unguarded,* is so off the mark of reality as to be laughable. If anyone really cared about her security, she would ensconced in the deepest dungeon that Dol Guldur, Isengard, Cirith Ungol, Minas Morgul, or Barad Dûr had to offer. There's a good quantity of evil fortresses that would be more than happy to find a home for her. But Asrelia certainly wouldn't be left alone in the woods, I know that much.

I don't understand Lord Norcomic at all. He's a flat character, and as another reviewer pointed out, the concept that he serves the Dark Lord is nothing short of unrealistic. *No* elf will voluntarily serve the darkness unless they are driven insane, and Norcomic sounds fairly sane to me. One elf from the First Age was held by Moringotto (Sauron's former captain, a fallen Vala) for more than twenty years and was still unwilling to turn loyalties. Said elf was even hung by his right hand from Thangorodrim for more than half his captivity and still was recalcitrant. So if THAT is unable to turn an Elda to the darkness, there's no way that the promise of riches would either.

As someone else has pointed out, your elvish is nonexistent at best and dead wrong at worst. My I gently point out that neither your protagonist nor antagonist possess elven names? Trust me, it is not that difficult to learn elvish, nor make up names for a character in that tongue. I've come up with more than twenty, most being for my friend's story, but some for my own work in progress as well. Mind you, those are in Quenya, the ancient tongue of the Noldor from Aman, which is far more difficult to master. Give it a try. If you don't want to make a name, allow me to: Araloth, in place of Asrelia. It means "royal flower," a nod to her status, as well as the fact that lavender is purple, which is considered a royal color. I have a feeling that lavender will somehow play into this story later. :)

You really need to brush up on your canonical knowledge. Don't get me wrong, it's great that you like the movies enough to want to take your own spin on things. I was the same way too when I started writing; I was attracted by the films. However, the difference between you and I is that I started my education in the world of Arda before I started writing, not after. As such, my first story is good by anyone's standards (it's posted), as will my second that's in the works. The thing is, this is not a fandom that you can expect to attain any level of proficiency in without a good deal of prior knowledge. And the amount of prior knowledge that is available will blow your mind. Don't worry, it did for me as well.

A word of advice: Don't read the books. You'll only confuse yourself more. Go to a reference source instead and stuff those archives into your head. Will it be difficult? Yes. Mind-blowing, confusing, and occasionally boring? Certainly. But the result is more than you could ever wish for, and it will never leave you. Take it from someone who can recite the genealogies of the First Age and write in elvish script fluently; I know what I'm talking about. This is a wonderful work you're immersing yourself into, my dear. Take it slowly and savor it, because if you stick with this, it will be beyond your wildest dreams. The intense love of a fandom does strange things to your mind; it will invade your dreams and innermost thoughts. Yet at the same time, it is a bright secret that you will treasure for your entire lifetime.

Stick with it. You will not regret it.

Eryniel Alassë
Paths Crossing chapter 4 . 8/13/2008
You made the right descion. This story was flying the colors of a true Mary-Sue. Hope the rewrite is better.
Paths Crossing chapter 2 . 8/13/2008
Legolas. Did. Not. Get. Arod. Until. Rohan.

By the way, this story says MAJOR Mary-Sue
Shada Bay chapter 4 . 3/13/2003
I'm extremely happy that you have decided to read the books and improve your work. There are so many lazy people out there that don't care that their knowledge of LotR is limited, and just go on writing extremely bad fic.

And just occasionally, they get a lot of reviews asking them them to keep updating and writing more, when it's obvious that their stuff sucks. That's sad, because then these badfic writers think they can keep writing that way, and don't learn anything. Some people are desperate for a review, and they'll put whatever crap they think will attract people to review their story in it. We all want reviews, but that's just pitiful.

So, I hope you succeed in your efforts to be LotR-educated. It's hard getting through the first few chapters, usually - the books are different from the movies (PJ *massacred* Faramir's character, and Haldir never really died). And they're not children's books, so you actually have to put some effort into reading.

But there are millions of people that have read Lord of the Rings and *loved* them, long before the blockbuster movie came out! Don't panic if it seems as if it's taking hours just to finish one chapter!

I also have to stress that you have a couple problems with grammar and spelling too. Please seek out a beta. Almost every *good* writer uses one. And this doesn't mean your best friend that will automatically be like, "OMG! Your story's the best!" They're lying, and you both know it. Don't choose someone that sucks up to you to make you feel better about yourself. You need someone that you can trust to give you constructive criticism on your story, point out flaws you've missed, and generally be there to help you out when you need ideas or just want to talk.

Just remember that, if you're going to be doing writing of any kind and posting it for people to see, you'll get good comments and bad comments. You have to be prepared to deal with both kinds. (I'm hoping mine isn't viewed as the "bad" kind, as I really am doing my best to be helpful. I don't want you to resent my advice, because it's all given with good intent.)

Sorry for another long review! :)
lulu bell chapter 4 . 2/24/2003
NO!

Ya can't do this to me!*falls to knees begging* don't take TOO long ta finish the books or i'll die a painfull death.(jk but will be feeling something like that)
Shada Bay chapter 3 . 2/16/2003
You asked politely for constructive criticism, so here it is:

First off, I am completely confused about your title. The Aroma of Lavenders? Does this have anything to do with your story? Or was it an attempt at some kind of symbolic title? Either way, it's just not working for me. The 'single lavender' thing in the beginning was really obscure.

Secondly, ELROND HAS THREE CHILDREN. THREE, and ONLY THREE. They are: Elladan, Elrohir, and Arwen Undómiel. Elladan and Elrohir are male twins, so Elrond can't have a 'younger daughter.' Trust me, you can't just make up random sisters for Arwen. You’re bound to be flamed very badly.

Third, I don't really understand when your story is taking place. Is it even the Third Age? Is the War of the Ring going on, or is there some lapse in the Time Continuum? Right now Legolas is pretty busy.

Another reason that this doesn't make sense is the places in your story. Don't let the movie give you the impression that all the Elves come to hang out there for the weekend. They don’t just randomly decide to come for a visit. Legolas is a Silvan Elf. He lives in Mirkwood with his father, Thranduil. That’s a good way over the Misty Mountains. Go check it out in a map, please. It takes weeks to reach Rivendell from Thranduil’s Caves. And we're talking on horseback, not on foot.

Let me make a comment I feel strongly about, which I don’t feel you understand. ELVISH *IS* A LANGUAGE. Most people don’t know this, but in the movie, the Elves (and Aragorn, since he was raised amongst Elves) are speaking a real language, not just made up words. If you would like to learn Elvish (either Quenya, which is used mostly for songs and poems, or Sindarin, which is everyday speech for the Quendi), please go to .no/people/hnohf/ - it’s a very cool site which will teach you either language online, and some others of Tolkien’s too, like Entish and Orcish.

Now, I am ~assuming~ that Norcomic is an Elf. There are several things wrong about him. First of all, that is ~not~ an Elvish name. (Neither is Asreila.) And of course, there’s the ‘fact’ that Norcomic once served the Dark Lord (Sauron?). Tolkien (the writer of Lord of the Rings, incase you didn’t know) has stated that no Elf has ever served either Melkor or Sauron of his own will. They basically have to be tortured to do that, and afterwards they’re not really into joining regular society again. They are killed by Sauron after they are no longer useful to him. And one more thing - no Elf would associate with Orcs. He wouldn’t even have them as minions. Elves HATE Orcs. Period.

Lastly, the plot is confusing me. I’m not trying to accuse myself of stupidity, either. Your events just don’t seem to line up. People end up in different places suddenly with no explanation, and Elrond is badly portrayed, as is Arwen.

Here, let me give you some helpful advice. READ THE BOOKS. This *is* the Lord of the Rings Book fanfiction section. Not the movie version section. You see, it's located right here under Books. It's really quite simple: read the books and you'll write better fanfiction. You'll even probably gain better spelling and grammar skills along the way.

And until you're done reading them, seek the help of a wise beta. There are many here who would love to help the newbie writer. If you ever have any questions, you can email me. I'd love to aid you in writing better fanfiction!

I know my comments are pretty lengthy, so I’ll give you some time to read over them. I have really tried to make this as nice as I could; please take me seriously. I AM trying to help you!

Good luck – there is still hope!
lulu bell chapter 3 . 2/16/2003
So good. continue writing puleaze. I realkly want to know more. last part of cap 3 was confusing. explain please. Keep uyp the good work. I agree w/you bout criticism. Great story ADD MORE! Sorry, please add more thanx

*lulu bell*
lulu bell chapter 3 . 2/16/2003
So good. continue writing puleaze. I realkly want to know more. last part of cap 3 was confusing. explain please. Keep uyp the good work. I agree w/you bout criticism. Great story ADD MORE! Sorry, please add more thanx

*lulu bell*
lulu bell chapter 3 . 2/16/2003
So good. continue writing puleaze. I realkly want to know more. last part of cap 3 was confusing. explain please. Keep uyp the good work. I agree w/you bout criticism. Great story ADD MORE! Sorry, please add more thanx

*lulu bell*
lulu bell chapter 3 . 2/16/2003
So good. continue writing puleaze. I realkly want to know more. last part of cap 3 was confusing. explain please. Keep uyp the good work. I agree w/you bout criticism. Great story ADD MORE! Sorry, please add more thanx

*lulu bell*
lulu bell chapter 3 . 2/16/2003
So good. continue writing puleaze. I realkly want to know more. last part of cap 3 was confusing. explain please. Keep uyp the good work. I agree w/you bout criticism. Great story ADD MORE! Sorry, please add more thanx

*lulu bell*
lulu bell chapter 3 . 2/16/2003
So good. continue writing puleaze. I realkly want to know more. last part of cap 3 was confusing. explain please. Keep uyp the good work. I agree w/you bout criticism. Great story ADD MORE! Sorry, please add more thanx

*lulu bell*
Thalionoriel chapter 3 . 2/15/2003
This story sounds good so far. I have 2 suggestions: Longer chapters, telling how much time has passed between events. Eveything else seems fine deep up the good work!
random flamer chapter 1 . 2/13/2003
Aw, but she's not so special. In fact, she's strangley similar to many of the other she-elves on .
Tainted Elf chapter 3 . 2/13/2003
yeah! I wonder who she's thinking about...could it be...LEGOLAS! Hehe, well keep it up!

Vanya sulie

Tainted Elf
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