Reviews for Blood is Thicker than Water
cadenceheart117 chapter 1 . 12/20/2017
As much as I would like to say I liked this fanfiction story, and I can clearly see the effort behind it, i would be lying through my teeth. You need to work on your spacing. What you fit here, with some filler, paragraphs purely for detail, and a bit of time spent focusing on individual character advancement, you could easily have fit this into three, maybe four chapters.

That being said, another issues are your characters. They are there, yes, but are really nothing more than talking heads spouting emotions. You gave them little to no depth whatsoever.

I also get the sense that you rushed this out, as if you had a deadline. Buddy, this is fanfiction, there is no deadline. Take your time, and this would flow much easier.

All in all, I can see you tried, but I would give this a 2 out of 10.

Yours truly, Cadenceheart117
The Pokemon Writers chapter 1 . 11/26/2017
I was told to read this story because it is supposed to be a good story, and in a way it is. And it isn't. Sure this story is grammatically correct, there is not a single period out of place in it, but it's kinda dull. There is very little rising and falling action in it, and if there were this story would be better.

If you needed something to submit in a grammar class, then this would be fine. But if you are looking for a good pokémon story, then I don't think this counts.

J.
FenixOfTheDark chapter 1 . 10/31/2017
Somewhat interesting, but overall I find it very lacking in the narrative sense.

As another reviewer said, these are pretty much talking heads.
Guest chapter 1 . 8/23/2017
This is such a gorgeous story, and I have to say that the salt pouring from the reviews is making my week. Please keep doing what you're doing; it's a service to the fandom.
FenrirUnchained chapter 1 . 8/20/2017
You have a strong grasp on the language, that's one thing to be sure of. I could not stand Hau when I played through SunMoon versions, and, if I'm being honest, I didn't care for him in your retelling either, however that isn't from poor writing or anything of a similar fashionjust simply am not a fan of the character. If your intention was to be an acurrate (to the game's canon) literation of the games, then this did not succeed in that regard. However if that was not your intent and you were more or less putting your own spin on a fairly fleshed-out character (something that is pretty uncommon for the Pokemon game franchise), then that's a different matter entirely and then my only criticism would be that his jump from starting out on his journey to giving up on it feels as though there are some steps missingeven though he did in fact have an air of distaste for the idea of going throughout the entirety. I must also agree with one of the other reviewers here in that the story feels more akin to a script, with 90% dialogue and 10% or less fleshing out what is before the characters in terms of descriptors. I myself tend to air on the wordy side, but I come from Tolkien and so I write what I knowand what I know is wordy as all sin. Again, strong grasp on the grammatical end but flesh out the story with more story!
Guest chapter 1 . 8/16/2017
I changed my mind, you're just an asshole -_-
Lebensmude chapter 1 . 8/11/2017
This felt very forced.

I have a couple major issues:

1) Hau's Rowlet constantly has its named capitalized. As you make abundantly clear, you shouldn't capitalize the names of pokemon. Now, it's possible you meant for Hau to consider Rowlet to be his Rowlet's name, but then halfway through the story it evolves into Dartix. So is its name Rowlet or Dartix? If it's neither, then don't capitalize the names. It it's one or both, make it clear. Otherwise you're intentionally confusing your audience which isn't very smart to do. You don't name a dog "Dog" unless you're my grandma with dementia.

2) This story is pretty much just talking heads. Like, I get you're going for an alternative approach to Sun and Moon, but it falls flat. You barely describe scenery or events. It's all dialogue. When people read, they're not looking for talking heads in a formless ether. You need to actually describe the location where events are occurring. You need to describe people's reactions. You need to be creative. However, this story is just dialogue. Fanfiction should never be a script. This isn't a movie.

3) Hau is severely OOC. Like, I get that's the point of this story and all, but I cannot believe that Hau just doesn't want to be a trainer. It's not who he is. Sure, the dude might be insecure and he might not be the best trainer in the world, but he's most definitely not the kind of guy who would just drop out halfway. This is an overly negative turn of events that does not have adequate development in order to put him in that position. This story is not a story where Hau is developed to the point that he willingly drops out, it's a story where Hau is forced by the narration to act in a manner inconsistent with his canon character. This is bad. You're not writing fanfiction, you're writing a fantasy. You may as well be using an OC.

Overall, this was okay. I like the idea, but it was not well-presented. I appreciated what you were trying to do but it did not work. A valiant effort nonetheless.
Guest chapter 1 . 8/2/2017
I decided to take up your challenge, and for the past months I went to check and review some random stories just for kicks. I admit, I found pretty bad stuff, but I couldn't bring myself to review the same way you do. Maybe I do care too much about what others think of me, but I didn't want to come across as a jerk. Plus, even the worst of them at least had one or two things that could be salvaged, and that's a good starting point for them to improve.

What I'm trying to say is that I still don't like you or the way you do this, even if it's (allegedly) to help people improve, and I believe those authors have a legitimate reason to be mad at you. Seeing the answers you've gotten, I can at least say that I've received a much more positive response (in the sense that nobody insulted, yelled or sent me a death threat). And even if you say you're not doing is to mock anyone, you clearly find amusing when people rage at you, so that casts doubt on your claim. As someone who studied communication techniques as part of my academic career, I can safely say that you're sending the wrong message if your intention is to help. Feel free to post this on your Dragon Quill, I know I can't stop you.
DarkWingedLancel chapter 1 . 7/26/2017
https:

slash slash

m dot youtube dot com

slash

watch?vZR_X6PrASho
DarkWingedLancelot chapter 1 . 7/26/2017
Yo Imma just hop aboard the hate train, and Imma put this link here for ya.

I think everyone in the comments will find this very entertaining, and it's also a direct message to you, St Elmo's Fire.
m . youtube watch?vZR_X6PrASho
Crazeegab chapter 1 . 7/26/2017
I HOPE YOU DIE ! YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ALL THESE GUESTS ! AT LEAST THEY ARE SMARTER THAN YOU ! NOW, SHOULD IS SHOW EVERYONE HERE WHAT I FOUND ? OKAY.

I had A review that was not good at all ( By St Elmo's fire. ) for me. It was telling me how to improve myself, what were my errors and all. That's okay for now. But then, later, I discovered he reaveled his Review AND the PM I sent to him to thank him on A site, and he was flaming many other authors. Then, people commented it and I was REALLY offended. REALLY REALLY OFFENDED. He just mock us. Don't believe him ! When he says he don't try to send hate in reviews, He's lying ! He's just trying to get us to believe him, then he just post the PM and the reviews on another site to humiliate us, WITHOUT TELLING US HE DID. If you're passing by, St Elmo's fire, here is special thanks for humiliating me. FUCK YOU.

I sent him this : You know what ? I know that when you review story like this you try to cover yourself, just trying to " help us " while in reality you mock us. Did I gave you the permission to show this PM on another site ? You DO know that I'm really offended because of you. You're just a grammar Nazi laughing his ass off when he read a story like that. Then you mock us. Posting your review and our story on another site, and then, comment it. Did you just said " I'm not trying to send hate, just to help you " ? My ass. Do you realise how many people ( like me ) deleted their story because of you ? You have a bad reputation here. Why do you waste your life just trying to humiliate us ? You jerk. Fuck you.

And he replied : I say up-front on my profile that I repost PMs. This is not for the purpose of mockery, but data collection. It's helpful to examine responses to different reviews and gauge the mood of the overall community.

The only one hurting yourself here is you. You're making a lot of uncharitable assumptions and creating an enemy that only exists in your head. Don't torment yourself. ( I read his profile and he DOESN'T explain that he save reviews and PM on other sites. Well, congratulations, you liar. )

Now, do you still think he's a good person ? Look, I was not upset because of his review. I was sad, but his review was cool, even if it was really discouraging and disrespectful. I hope you all realize he's an evil guy, who think he's a super good writer, while he's not. I wish that St Elmo's Fire and Farla will be burning in hell. That's what they deserve.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/25/2017
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO CAPITALIZE AND WHAT NOT TO. YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHING SO SHUT YOUR TRAP FOREVER YOU PIECE OF CRAP.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/25/2017
your so-called reviews are trash just like your trashy stories.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/25/2017
your reviews are not needed. go rot in hell you don't-know-it-all grammar nazi
Guest chapter 1 . 7/25/2017
hey you horny moron are you having fun copypasting you stinky garbage spams on other people stories? ew what a nasty turd you are. you are nothing but waste of space in this planet. people like you should get their fingers chopped off with a giant axe. i feel sorry for the dolts who mindless follow you.
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