|Reviews for What Do You Want?|
| JeremyVD chapter 1 . 1/18/2017
I partly agree with you on how Akane wants Ranma to stop holding back on her and sparing with everything he has but you should remember that he has been training a lot longer than a Akane has and therefore has more fighting experience than she does. Plus after her mother died her father not only stopped teaching other people martial arts but more importantly stopped training his daughter Akane entirely which forced her to train herself mostly by breaking bricks. That helped her become a strong martial artist when it comes to physical strength but didn't help her learn how to hit someone who moves faster than she does, plus with Kuon's declaration about ground rules for dating her it unfortunately made her trust boys even less and led to increasing her anger issues she probably had with her father. I would also disagree with you on Akane not wanting to defeat Ranma in a sparring match, because if you remember from the manga and anime as far as she knew she was the best martial artist at Furinkan High School. And the boys not fighting her seriously especially Kuno led to her having a over-inflated ego and because of her pride she never really asked him to train her she demanded it as if he had to do what she said. Not only that but the few times that Ranma gave her advice on what she was doing wrong without insulting her she took offense to and instead of accepting it she called him an idiot and would either launch him into orbit or smash him into the ground with a mallet or anything else she could get her hands on at the time. Good job on the story so far and I personally hope that Ranma and Nabiki fall in love in this story because I always thought it wouldn't work out with Akane and Ranma because they are too much alike.
| Yasha-HebiHime chapter 1 . 1/18/2017
Seems like an interesting idea! The whole 'seeking a normal life' aspect taken from merely running away to actually just a brief vacation that turned into something more. Seems like a story that could really go places, especially once Ranma's usual spark of chaos lights that 'normal bridge' on fire.
That being said, I'm a bit sad the female side was, reasonably, shoved under the rug right away. But since this is just the first chapter, I doubt it'll stay that way, but you do have a pretty decent excuse to keep Ranma male! However, you aren't really 'ignoring' that aspect either, since you gave a reason why he isn't changing and even had a lot of allusions to it. Most writers just ignore Ranma's female half in every way when they have him as a male for most, if not all, of the story.
So plot wise, there's not much to really talk about, although I do kind of think Akane is always violent , even when Ranma isn't involved. Kuno caused that more than anything, with that 'challenge her to date her' thing, but it did evolve after Ranma starts up all that Chaos. It'll be interesting to note where the story will go from that, though, especially if Ranma realizes he never really /loved/ Akane, but was willing to put up with her for the sake of ... well, everything. Something she wasn't able to do. I'm lookin' forward to where this is going and your side characters actually have their own personality to them, so that's good.
Now for your writing style... Very small flaws that can be pretty easy to fix. Some line breaks are needed in a couple spots where the scene changes, but I think the biggest one is your lack of really indicating what is and isn't a mental thought. Personally, I use a ' mark along with italicizing the words to indicate thought process, but finding your favorite way is probably best, as long as you make it clear to the readers what is and isn't a thought. Might want to edit this chapter for that, too.
It also might seem like a really minor thing, but it helps the story flow when it's clear what is and isn't being said out loud, or as part of the description of the area/situation. Allusions to simple things like the way Ranma moved, as if he had teleported as you said, could have been taken as an actual thought instead of just a subtle note... If that makes any sense. Basically, it wasn't a thing they were clearly thinking, but merely a drifting thought.
Other than that and a few points where you lack any details, though make up for it with how everyone was talking, you've got a good frame here and I can see potential for a great story! Looking forward to more!
| Richard Ryley chapter 1 . 1/18/2017
This is an interesting example of veering just outside of the characters' established characterization without going out of character. Nabiki, for example, would never be as friendly and trusting with Ranma as she is here, yet she still remains true to the core of her character. You have yet to make any blaring fanon mistakes, so if this story continues on course, I can see Nabiki realistically evolving in her personality without bringing up such nonsense as "Nabiki brings in all the money for the Tendo family" or "Nabiki intentionally sabotaged the wedding because she knew Ranma and Akane didn't want to get married".
However, I've got to remind you that when Akane said she didn't want to get beaten by a boy, this was when she was being attacked every morning by a mob of boys, and if any of them had beaten her, she would have been obligated on her honor to go out with them. Akane does not want to beat Ranma, she was gracious in her defeat in the first sparring match and did not seem hurt or disappointed that she lost. She wants Ranma to take her seriously, because what Ranma is doing is not training, it is mocking someone that is inferior to him.
You've done a good job of removing Akane as Ranma's fiancée while providing a reasonable explanation for that which is in keeping with her character. Please, keep with that, don't wander into fanon territory. I'll even be fine if it is Ranma who believes that is Akane's motivation, as long as you don't ignore his own faults and responsibility in the failure of the relationship.
| Madgizmo chapter 1 . 1/18/2017
It's nice to see Ranma spending time with a girl and not having the rest of the Fiancee Brigade coming to kill her, that and it's nice to see stuff with Nabiki.
| A Superior Tentacle chapter 1 . 1/18/2017
Magnificent. Best Ranma fic I've seen recently, that's for certain. Well done.
Grammar and such are good, nothing to say there. I enjoyed your OC's being used like proper OC's instead of main characters that try to take the spot light. They were fun and brought some interesting conversations between Ranma and Nabiki. As for characterization, you did well with it. To be a more serious story, Ranma fanfics need some things toned down, reinterpreted, or outright excised so more... Excessive characterizations, like Nabiki when she fought the hobo in a spending fight, they spent millions, if not billions, of yen and Ranma nearly got sold into slavery. The characters feel like themselves in this without going too far in any direction. I can't wait to see more of your story.
| Dumbledork chapter 1 . 1/18/2017
Excellent start. A cute, normal story without any supernatural stuff is a nice change.