|Reviews for Piety|
| Dragon MoonX chapter 1 . 4/4/2017
This is really neat. I don't think I've read a god/goddessAU! before. Very original idea.
It makes sense that Minerva would become a goddess. If I remember correctly, Minerva is the goddess of wisdom. And it's lovely the way he wants to help her ascend, the way he admires her in the beginning as though she already is a goddess. That's very sweet. Of course it's sweetness masking his own manipulative desires. But that's how his character is, and I feel that you captured that very well in a most poetic fashion.
The last part is absolutely gorgeous. Even the descriptions, saying that his unholy voice was replaced by the cool sensation of flowing water, and "the sacred feeling of her skin against his", is so beautiful. And in the end he is ready to pull her down with him like some sort of fallen angel. That is the perfect ending because I wouldn't expect anything else from him.
| DobbyRocksSocks chapter 1 . 3/31/2017
This is fabulous, and can I just say that the last line is every version of perfection that exists. Seriously. I love your characterisations, particularly of Tom, you write him so well I'm jealous. I loved this, it's brilliant :P
| Aldira chapter 1 . 3/29/2017
I don't see Tom settling for second best, and I think you touch on that at the very end. He is very self serving in that aspect, and you illustrate that when you have him plotting to help Minerva ascend but only for his benefit. Although gods and goddesses are nothing new to me, I have not seen this take on it before, so I learned something new from this.
| The Crownless Queen chapter 1 . 3/28/2017
Oh, wow, this was wonderful! I didn't expect t love this as much as I did, but the writing was wonderful and the characterizations beautiful, and wow, the verse you created for this is absolutely stunning!
I loved how Tom decided that if he couldn't be the one to ascend h'd make ascend the person he wants and pledge himself to here - that is so very like him, isn't it? :p
Lovely work! :)
| scrumptiousinternetllama chapter 1 . 3/28/2017
When I saw the pairing I was delighted at Tom/Minerva - but this dark, almost cryptic tale surpassed my expectations! You did a brilliant job with showing Tom's manipulations and his own goals whilst also showing Minerva's "fatal flaw". I felt bad for Albus, and her experience at the end would have been something he really would have been desperate to experience, but you did a wonderful job of showing her temptation and how it was a bit too much for her.
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/10/2017
have a happy happy day :P
| Malhearst chapter 1 . 2/4/2017
I didn't read this as dutifully as I wish I had, and my review is going to reflect that. I'm sorry. There are a lot of things in this fic that catches my attention. First of all, with your focus on religion, you speak to my interests.
I find it intriguing, the idea of Hogwarts serving as a school for acolytes. I'd wish you had expanded more on that world, although I understand if you find it difficult to do extensive descriptions and still keep the integrity of the poetic tone. I also noticed that you capitalised Acolyte. When you use it as a common noun ("Yet a Slytherin Acolyte..."), it shouldn't be capitalised. When you use it as a proper noun ("Acolyte Albus"), it should.
The idea that man creates gods (and goddesses) through imagination is also a theme I love. There's a mix of philosophy and spirituality in the realisation that gods receive their power from man that leaves really profound roots in us, and I adore your very down-to-earth exploration of that. Although I don't think that Tom, in essence and regardless of universe, would build someone up above himself, I find the premise intriguing. I'm not sure why he chose Minerva over Salazar, though.
Your language is extremely flowing and poetic, and I hope you're proud of it. I think you should be. Sometimes, however, I think it grows so aloof that it transcends the reader's understanding and becomes perhaps a little too concerned with itself, and you lose me. It's in a very subtle way, though; it's only a small thing that I point out because there is so little for you to improve, and I do it myself, all the time. E.g. in the sentences, "The arrogant ambition, his reckless courage, that selfish loyalty and his greed for knowledge make her heart flutter in a painful way. It is, she thinks, as if they are two sides of the same coin," you build up his character and then try to tie it to Minerva's, but by saying 'two sides of the same coin' and not explaining further, it's as if you've blown up a balloon that isn't tethered; the metaphor escapes me. Usually, when you use that phrase, it means that their personalities are tangential. I don't know how Minerva is tangential to Tom in this because they seem more exactly alike. If you knotted another sentence at the tail of the last one to illustrate, (e.g. "Though she was humble, her humility was a matter of pride; though she was composed, a fire burned within..."), you can help the reader visualise exactly what you meant by the metaphor.
This is just my opinion, though, and if it doesn't make any sense or doesn't help you, you're welcome to let it slide (:
I absolutely loved the creativity of this piece. The narrative and length perfectly complemented each other, and in the end, it stopped exactly when it was supposed to. This is probably one of the best stories, I've read, so when I propose changes, I hope you know that it's really minor.