|Reviews for The Thirteenth Colony Series|
| Difdi chapter 9 . 6/4/2018
President Hayes - domestic enemy of the Constitution. Every government official and every US soldier swears their oath to the Constitution, not the President, and while his reasons might be good, his actions mean that every last one of them has a sworn duty to put a bullet between his eyes.
He'd best hope his Secret Service agents value their paychecks more highly than their oaths, or his pwn bodyguards will assassinate him.
| Difdi chapter 3 . 6/2/2018
When Kinsey is being arrested, you have him spouting complete nonsense. There is no such position as "chairman of the joint chiefs armed forces committee!" The Joint Chiefs are the military advisors to the President, consisting of four generals and an admiral, one each from the army, air force, marines, national guard and navy. One of them is appointed chairman. They have no direct command of the US military, only an advisory role to the President.
The armed forces committee is a sub-group within Congress that has expertise in issues pertaining to the military, and as the chairman of it Kinsey likes to throw his weight around by threatening budget cuts, but that's the only official authority he has over the military. Kinsey likes to believe he's a lot more important and high ranking than he actually is. An influential senator can cause a LOT of trouble for any military officer, but if I heard someone screaming what Kinsey is, I'd have him taken to a mental hospital for a psychological examination, because he's obviously crazy!
| Difdi chapter 2 . 5/28/2018
You have a lot of errors in this one too.
Troy seems to have the numbers on the Galactica's size reversed - looking at pictures it's clearly longer than it is wide, but you have Troy describing it as wider than it is long.
Whichever number is right though, Sergeant Torres's size estimate is WAY too low. A Nimitz class aircraft carrier is 328 meters long, while Galactica is at least 7 times longer than his twice-as-long estimate.
A Teltac is a Goa'uld ship half the size of an Earth Space Shuttle. They aren't battleships, they're not even armed. The Goa'uld battleship class is called a Ha'tak. It's the one that looks like a golden pyramid and uses stone pyramids as landing pads.
You also have a recurring typo in all the chapters so far. The spelling you want is Tylium (tie-lee-um) but you keep spelling it Tylieum, which would cause it to be pronounced tie-lie-ee-um.
Lastly, Kinsey can give whatever orders he likes to General Hammond, but Hammond not only doesn't have to obey Kinsey, if Hammond does obey Kinsey, Hammond will be subject to court-martial. While it's true that Congress has the ultimate authority over military budgets and starting/stopping wars, the US military is solidly executive branch, and their chain of command runs through the President. The President can give Hammond orders, but Kinsey can't originate or relay orders, since he's not in the chain of command.
Even if Kinsey is telling the truth about the orders - and given Hammond has a direct line to the President, why would a Senator be relaying orders? - Hammond doesn't have to obey them until he receives them through the chain of command!
| Difdi chapter 1 . 5/28/2018
You have a few errors in this.
First, if a Jaffa launched an udajeet into spacehe'd die almost instantly. Uajeets are sinle-seat, open-cockpit ground attack fighters, the Goa'uld equivalent of an Apache helicopter. Death gliders are two-seat, enclosed cockpit air/space fighters.
Second, the gravimetric drive the Goa'uld use is SLOW at sublight speeds. From a standing start, a death glider would leave a Colonial Viper behind like it was standing still, but the Viper would quickly catch up and then leave the death glider in its space dust. At half the speed of light, even the staff weapon pulses would be left behind by a Viper. But that's the third thing - a Colonial Viper accelerates at just over 11 Gs, at 110 m/s2. Its to speed is limited only by fuel, unlike the gravimetric drives the Goa'uld use. It would take many days of constant acceleration at maximum turbo boost to reach half the speed of light, and no Viper carries enough fuel for that.
In FTL it's the other way around. Battlestar Galactica is a little vague about top speeds, but assuming they use the same hyperspace drive for FTL that the Goa'uld do (given their ancient language given to them by the gods IS Goa'uld, and all) then pne of Heru'ur's ha'taks would leave even Galactica behind very quickly at FTL, and Galactica can reach higher top speeds than a Viper.
Lastly, you keep having Starbuck swear by the Lord, singular. The Colonials are polytheists, and would swear by the Lords, plural, as in Lords of Kobol.
| JB5 chapter 15 . 7/12/2016
Yes, much better.
Only one section in the last few chapters featuring Marty Stu Torres that was easily skipped with no impact on the story.
A workmanlike finish, Cain was a great surprise and the rationale behind his return was believable in the context on canon.
I would like you to have made the empahsis of the widow fleet on submarines, they are already self contained and would be more suitable candidates for conversion to spacecraft.
See the Vorpal Blade series for how that is done.
Overall, was worth reading, so well done.
| JimBeamer5 chapter 3 . 7/10/2016
OMFG now he's a brilliant TV Program Director and has just been awarded the Colonies highest award as well?
Don't you have any shame at all?
I'm skipping the parts where he's involved, making for a shorter and more enjoyable story, and still I run into this crap.
| Guest chapter 3 . 7/6/2016
Hope this gets better.
Already skipping sections with Hacker/Lover/Pilot/Priest/Doctor Marty Stu Torres the 5' 2" ladykiller. Yet ANOTHER story with a ludicrous self insert (I suppose), I can handle the extreme professional proficiency in ONE field (even the "one man doing in a week what two PHD's and a whole team couldn't do in a year"), but the rest is just completely ludicrous.
I know I shouldn't expect too much from someone who won't learn from his mistakes (I'm talking about the author), ie refusing to do re-writes or even fix grammar, but I'm sure IRL you're C.O. is so proud of your unorthodox brilliance.
Look, you've got a decent premise, plot (sans 007 Torres) is workable, fics based on original BSG are rare, and yet you blow it all away on what is basically a wankfest.
| Just a Crazy-Man chapter 15 . 12/30/2015
| Dun1 chapter 15 . 12/4/2015
This story is very good i liked it.
| Firewolfe chapter 15 . 10/4/2015
When do we get a sequel? Great story and worth the wait. Hope you have more soon. I love this xover and you got all the characters well. I so want to see what you would do with the world when everything ends war wise.
| ShadowCub chapter 15 . 10/4/2015
My mom makes that same turn, lool.
The ancients are dicks, they have so many stupid rules. All that power and they are nothing but selfish morons. I like it cause you killed Jack, I hate that guy.
| RevanNaberrie chapter 10 . 9/30/2015
To the last few reviewers. This is Fan Fiction, Drop your opinions on the real world here. This is a fictional setting what could or could not happen in the real world has no bearing here and as such has no place in a story review.
Do you write the producers of the various police procedural TV shows and remind them that their main characters would be under modified assignments and internal affairs investigation every time they fire their weapons. so they should be sitting a desk for three quarters of every season.
As to the Colonial speaking modern English. Did you ever watch any of the Stargate series. Everyone in the freaking galaxy speaks English. I don't recall Daniel Jackson translating everything said by non Earthers in every episode.
Maybe you would prefer chapters to be longer put into this format?
Commander Apollo says: είστε απλά ψάχνουν για έναν λόγο για να δώσει μια κακή κριτική
Daniel looks at jack and says: he wants to know if your just looking for a reason to give a bad review.
| 1goddessofwar1 chapter 14 . 9/9/2015
And the US being able to conquer the entire world through numbers technology and tactics? Oh please. India and China alone outnumber the US. Russia would give America a run for its money in terms of its equipment for soldiers and ships as well as perhaps technology. Russia has 8000 nukes right now, the US has 4500. Contrary to what you Yanks think, the world does not revolve around you just because you went to the moon and have a shitload of WMDs. You guys use diplomacy first, if that doesn't work then intimidation and then finally invasion. Love, peace and the American way or whatever that ridiculous saying is? Oh please. You entire economy revolves around the production of guns and military assets. Honestly? 11 aircraft carriers? That's more than the entire world combined. Why do you need them? Your national debt is 12 TRILLION dollars. And the US would conquer the world? Ha! Your economy would go first, and shortly thereafter your numbers. Want to try your luck at world domination? Have fun thinking about what a spectacularly bad idea that was when the Russians nuke you to the Stone Age.
| 1goddessofwar1 chapter 1 . 9/9/2015
The chapters are WAY too long. I love long chapters, but this is ridiculous. And Colonials speaking perfect modern English? Gimme a break. That's just laziness on your part by not introducing a translation medium. And, this really tickled my WTF bone, how can you convert atmospheric aircrafts and naval ships? They're made out of flimsy materials and are way too small to have a naquadah reactor plus weapons plus engines. The atmospheric planes at any rate. And converting naval ships? How utterly unbelievable.
| progomphus chapter 1 . 12/2/2014
I think you have the material here for a great story, however it needs quite a bit of polishing. A few suggestions.
1. The length of the first few chapters are too long and makes them cumbersome.
2. You commented that you are not overly concerned with grammar. You should be as poor grammar as and sentence structure make the story difficult to follow.
3. Many of your technical definitions for military hardware and protocols are repetitive and unnecessary.
4. And this one is probably the toughest, converting air force fighters and naval vessels is simply ludicrous.
I really do think you have a great story here.