|Reviews for Awake|
| FranticRealm chapter 4 . 5/25
I'm interested and curious to see where you take us.
| Menschenblut chapter 4 . 5/3
Wow, took me a while to get back to this. Anyway, have another review. :)
Starting off, some mistakes I found, in case you want to annihilate them later:
*"You're excess skin" needs to be "Your excess skin"
*"all of the sudden" needs to be "all of a sudden" (afaik)
*"tear-stroked" needs to be "tear-streaked" (not sure if that's what you wanted originally)
*"the his reflection" needs to lose the "the"
*"leave to much" needs to be "leave too much"
*"in order avoid" needs to be "in order to avoid"
Honestly, I feel accomplished for finding any mistakes in this chapter at all. Your stuff is so polished that I usually find none, making me feel bad about myself. So thanks for putting some in for me to find. ;)
Aside from how buttery smooth my read-through was despite the jottening down of errors, I feel like I need to point out again how effing good your writing is. There's plenty of instances in here that I'd like to mention explicitly but I'll leave it at this:
*The level of snark (especially the internal dialogue) is just amazeballs. I kind of think that the voice within sounds like the voices in Deadpool's head depending on situation. Is that so? Does it sound exactly like Protag? (Maybe like Vincent Price or Christopher Lee, now that'd be rad.)
*Describing old Protag as "stereotypically" white instantly gave me a certain vision of them. Well chosen descriptor.
*Welcome one, welcome all, to PTSD, weather's lovely this time of year. Although I have no first-hand experience with a PTSD/panic attack, your rendition of it was definitely gut-wrenching enough to channel the real thing.
Before I finish this, one last question: what's the deal with "Turnip" and "Parsnip" exactly? I think I got what Protag said about it but I know nothing about Harvest Moon or Stardew Valley to back up my assumptions.
In any case, I actually liked that this chapter was light on the action and suspense. No need to apologize to us readers about any of it, we are the adrenaline/blood junkies after all. :)
As usual, I eagerly await the next chapter but am content to wait as long as it takes.
Hope you still have fun working on this story and not getting your anything kicked in by life.
| Mango eater 24 chapter 1 . 4/1
No dick wow poor him
| jdude281 chapter 1 . 3/24
well that's awkward. Not only do you wake up in a weird place, in a body that isn't yours, but it's also the complete wrong gender. I would've passed out from shock right then and there.
| The Invisible Pretender chapter 4 . 3/14
I like the story so far, even if it is a bit slow. Most of the enjoyment right now is from the inner arguments, I think. Keep them coming!
| seabo76 chapter 4 . 3/13
This is interesting. Got a lot of questions but will see how 2 develops. She/He is definitely at least partially psychotic. Definitely batshit crazy lol. Main thing I have to ask is the whole body description. Is this like some kind of anamorphic gender model thing? From your explanation to Fan-rei/Griezz it's like your descri ing another type of race? Maybe She/He thinks they're Human but is reall not? Pretty heavy stuff, refer to above batshit crazy segment. Anyways, keep it going lol
| Guest chapter 4 . 3/13
So quite a slow start until the third chapter but it's getting interesting, I'd like to see the characters be a little less human-like, or at least later on maybe establish there's a reason for it
Though its way too early to say much on that and im only really referring to the doc who is a pretty cool guy, seems relaxed... Then you remember he's salarian
I like it so far though and im looking forward to more
| Lord Mortem chapter 4 . 3/13
| Lord Mortem chapter 4 . 3/13
| VODKA18 chapter 4 . 3/12
| GreaterGoodIreland chapter 4 . 3/12
I feel like everything in chapters 1-3 could have been condensed into a single chapter rather than being released in parts. Don't think the break up does any favours for your pacing. Seems to be continuing in chapter 4 too.
In the words of Tim the Enchanter: GET ON WITH IT!
| GrimTheReaperz1 chapter 3 . 3/12
"For now it's just going to be the OC's experience. Events in the story's future with roll with background lore from the games, but we won't be hitting the games' material for quite a while (if at all)."
Well, not the type of story I was looking for, but you have yourself a new follower nonetheless!
Keep up the good work, mate.
Also, if the OC is, what I'm guessing to be, a clone made by Cerberus, does that not mean they'll have some kind of chip installed?
| BJ Hanssen chapter 4 . 3/12
You are improving quite a lot, this reads a lot better than the earlier chapters! :) (And the story remains interesting, which is always a plus!)
| 5 Coloured Walker chapter 4 . 3/11
1: Sorry for the late review. :p
2: As a chapter, eh. Not a fan, largely seemed to not be doing anything but that might just be me coming down from reading another fic that's had me be less favorable of others.
Anyhow, I look forward to more.
Only two minutes for a shower? That's lunacy. You should complain about it.
[Yes, yes it is. Spaceships normally use water as a coolant, and due to their recycling systems long hot showers are quite feasable.]
| Spiritstrike chapter 4 . 3/11
Rel seems really nice, I like him already. And now I understand why Cia reacted that way, paranoid because of her job as security on the vessel.
Hmmm, that explains why Protag was so distressed. PSTD is nor very nice to have. Glad Rel was understanding.
This is getting better. I like it very much.