|Reviews for Download In Progress|
| darkforceultra chapter 1 . 2/19/2017
Had the same problem as well with the internet connection. One time I was told that my download would take 4 hours. next thing you know I go down the street for 15 minute's and when I get back it says 1 hour left. cue celebration... then it slowly went back up to 3 hours.
| Some Random Tosser chapter 1 . 2/16/2017
""Neptune, are you okay?! I've been hearing strange noises and…wait, w-wait! My clothes are still dirty, Neptune!"
Nepgear was initially worried after hearing loud noises in the direction of her older sister's room through all the clanking metal and buzzing wires she was working with at her workshop. Looking at Neptune now however, clinging onto her despite all the soot and oil on her work attire..."
It's important to make sure your readers see the cause before the effect. In this case, you'd be better off saying Neptune was clinging to Nepgear before Nepgear was protesting.
Fanfiction—and books in general—are very different from other story-driven mediums in that you can't visually show the world to your reader. In a sense, writing is like painting; you need to construct an image of words that your readers can comprehend.
Anyway, a cute idea that I can sympathise with as well thanks to my Australian Internet that tends to hop in and out.