Reviews for Melting
Guest chapter 1 . 12/14/2017
Beautiful, well done.
FieryQueenOfAllSharpObjects chapter 1 . 7/28/2015
Aw, that was very good. I really enjoyed this fanfiction; you did a great job with it.
Stormcutter684 chapter 1 . 12/5/2014
Oh my God! Such emotion! I love Qui and Obi's relationship. Question is: so how DID Obi manage to heal? What healed him? Was it the medicine or perhaps Qui's love and affection?
QueenYoda chapter 1 . 6/19/2014
I love qui-gon/ Obi moments, especially when they seem so alike in that they love each other enough to never want to let the other down. This was a beautiful piece.
meriland25 chapter 1 . 11/18/2013
This is such a sweet, realistic ,interesting and well written piece ! I love it! Have a nice day :)
Book girl fan chapter 1 . 6/22/2013
May I archive this story?
Mystery99 chapter 1 . 12/30/2012
i love it. i've come to like obiwan fanfics. (about him as a padawan at least)
Saber Wing chapter 1 . 6/2/2011
I liked the interactions between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. They were very heart-warming. The plot, while a little bit cliche, I also liked. It is the perfect situation in which Qui-Gon would be forced to realize what his Padawan truly means to him. Although, there is something that kind of ruined the story for me a little bit. Please don't take offense to that. Let me explain.

Your imagery is nice, don't get me wrong, but you have gone overboard. Too many descriptive words at once is just as bad as not enough. I tried to ignore it at first, because I thought perhaps I was being a bit hasty, but the feeling persisted and by the time I was halfway through this story, I was actually getting pretty annoyed by it. Let me provide an example:

"A small cough shook the boy's body, and then young arms began to struggle in earnest against the grip he was held in. Qui-Gon loosened his hold and tenderly rubbed Obi-Wan's strong back until the boy calmed."

You just went from saying he had young arms, to immediately focusing on his "strong" back. What, his arms aren't strong? If his arms are "young" wouldn't his back be the same? One extreme to the next :/. That's where the purple prose comes in. Saying he has "young" arms, or a "strong" back really doesn't contribute anything, and those words could easily be taken out of this passage altogether without taking away from the drama of the scene. All you'd have to do is modify the sentences a bit to compensate for their absence, and you'd be all set.

Do you see what I mean here? This is a good story, but the descriptions are too much in some places. When in doubt, less is more. You need to paint a vivid picture for your readers, but don't drown them with an overabundance of adjectives you don't need.

Also, try to be careful of how many times you use a word within the same chapter. If I had seen you use, "feverish" one more time, I was going to throw something :/

Anyway, hope this helps. Best of luck _
CosmicEssence chapter 1 . 3/23/2011
Beautiful little piece though the business with the flu seemed a little too contrived, or was that sorta the point?
Ocne chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
This was beautiful. Truly beautiful. I loved the descriptions. But, most of all, I loved your depiction of Qui-Gon : the chill, the ice, not wanting to care again, and, finally, the admission and the healing. Wow. Obi-Wan's purity is moving.

My favourite lines :

'Qui-Gon felt the burden of his desolate loneliness crushing down, the darkly future that he had mapped for himself looming. He turned his attention back to Obi-Wan - beautiful, bright, precious child that he was. A child who could love him. A child that he could love in return.'

'To love again, to give of himself.

It would be his salvation.'

Thank you. This was a joy to read.
AldabaranFox chapter 1 . 7/9/2010
Aww I loved this! Poor Obi-Wan! I could almost feel my heart plummeting when he said Qui-Gon didn't want him! So sad! Very glad Qui-Gon was able to tell Obi-Wan how much he meant to him :D It all worked out well in the end!
ShiftingWinds125 chapter 1 . 12/20/2009
Aww! I liked that story! It was cute! Qui-Gon is such a good daddy!
Pirate-chan chapter 1 . 12/31/2008
Outstanding job! Your detail was/is exquisite! I felt as if i was in Qui-Gon's place, looking and holding Obi-Wan. I loved it, and the setting was very nice as well! I also like how Obi-Wan was healed after Qui-Gon shared his story with him. It makes me think that Qui-Gon's wish to not get close to Obi-Wan is what made him ill. It was amazing,exceptionally well written! I don't think i can put into words on how much i loved it!
Cutiepie2191 chapter 1 . 11/10/2007
Great story! Keep up the good work:)
Whilom chapter 1 . 6/19/2007
Hey, this was great! I loved your detailed descriptions of color and light-it painted a visual picture very brilliantly.

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