|Reviews for derivation|
| BlueDiamondRing chapter 7 . 12/13
Wow, this an excellent story that is a refreshing and original story idea. Love It! It also has excellent writing. Thank you.
| Kayozm chapter 2 . 12/3
Also I just have to say for the record, in case the last reviewer should come back, that Edward does, in fact, call Bella 'love' in canon. I did I search in the kindle copy if breaking dawn on my phone (the rest I read in print) and sure enough... quite often even.
| Kayozm chapter 1 . 12/3
Oops, that was meant to be on 13.
| Kayozm chapter 1 . 12/3
Who did Carlisle need retribution for?
| starspangledfeels chapter 12 . 11/28
I really love this book and am very much enjoying it, and I have tried to ignore this but I'm afraid I can't contain it any longer.
I don't recall Edward ever calling Bella "love" in canon. And every time I read it here, it irks me, and that fact irks me because I adore this story.
I love your writing style, the elegance and the passion and the creativity, your unique voice; they all come together to create a very enjoyable reading experience. Bravissimo, you are absolutely and undeniably the owner of great talent!
The bridge of canon to non-canon has been executed very well(so far and I expect it to continue). I find myself loving all of the similarities, and even adoring the differences as well. I can't come up with much that I wouldn't call an improvement or positive change. You have truly cultivated something wonderful and unique.
The only fault I can possibly find is in the aforementioned issue I have with Edward's use of the word "love." Don't get me wrong, I chose that term of endearment rather than any other, but because it is so outside of(my interpretation of) Edward's character, it keeps yanking me out of the story and making it hard to immerse myself.
I know this is supposed to be a retelling of Twilight, and I absolutely love it, but I have such a hard time 'suspending my disbelief' when just a few little things(really only the one because I can't see a logical reason for it) are off. Bella's sudden loss of clumsiness doesn't bother me because she's already part vampire. Rosalie's warmness towards her makes sense given the change to canon. Bella's bond with Edward escalating even quicker fits the AU. Her increased intelligence, her heightened enjoyment of meat, even her new eye color are all justifiable and enjoyable. Etc.
But I just can't seem to find any reason why Edward would suddenly start calling her "love," instead of 'Bella,' like he does in canon. At this point I've just assumed it's your personal preference(which is fine of course as you are the writer and entitled to take artistic liberty and write whatever you want).
It just seems very strange from his mouth, unnatural, unlike the rest of the story, which all fits together rather beautifully. Edward has always seemed too... Edward to use it. It is hard for me to imagine him calling her "love" because I have always believed that part of the reason why he refers to her as Bella is because the most important thing to him is her identity. His Bella. She isn't special because she's his love, or mate, or girlfriend, she's special because she's Bella. Perhaps this is just my own fancy and personal ideas about truly loving someone, but I thought I should be honest in my review.
Wonderfully written and wonderfully created, I have to say this is one of my favorite fan-fictions, going further than just being a favorite Twilight fic.
I cannot applaud you enough for this amazing work. This must've taken many hours of effort and love, a great mind, and incredible talent. You should definitely be proud, and definitely move into the realm of publishing something original.
| Torry chapter 32 . 11/26
Thank you for sharing the results of your self-challenge. I just hope you know that your work is appreciated, and I’m glad that this is something you allowed to be seen by the wider world rather than kept private. I know I would have missed out on an amazing story if you hadn’t posted this here. Good luck, and congratulations!
| SerenShadow chapter 32 . 11/19
Loved it! I didn't want it to end! I would have kept on reading if it was twice as long. But it came to an end and like so many of Rae's stories, its one I will no doubt will re-read at some point.
Derivation is an AU feat a hybrid Bella. It's canon in some parts (develops in a way that parallels canon) but totally unique in others. And it's fantastic! It's full of beautiful and poignant writing. And certainly, one thing I loved most was that it's so full of worship of books and a love of books and reading. That always speaks to my soul. 3
Anyway, this was a great read! And I'm sad it's over. Coming to the end is such a bittersweet moment.
Also, I put all the music and the end in a playlist on Spotify!
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/19
I like it so far. Wouldn't Bella be 1/16th vampire, though? Aro's daughter is 1/2, his grandson is 1/4, Charlie is 1/8, and Bella 1/16?
| RogueAlly chapter 16 . 11/19
I wasn’t sure what to expect. Aro stories involving any sort of paternal feelings towards Bella can go so wrong. I’m glad there wasn’t a hint in the summary, or I might have avoided this story and missed out on one of my favorite interpretations of SM’s world.
I absolutely love the correspondence bits. The letters gave their relationships life in a way that was so satisfying. I did wonder if the revelation of who Aro was would bring out the inner teenager in Bella, make her rebel or something, but I loved how you handled that, too. And I love Charlie’s choice. It really fit.
| AaronD1 chapter 14 . 11/1
Yeah, so I had to start reading here. Large parts of Bella's characterization in this story bothered me throughout. Bella's attitude/words/whole interaction with pretty much every red-eyed vampire in this story was off. I'll summarize it all by saying that she spoke and acted as though she didn't care or simply didn't "connect" the fact that when the non-vegetarian vampires fed, humans were going to die. This was in fact something mostly glossed over largely, especially when it came to Mele's stay with Bella to train her. Her feeding isn't even mentioned. The wolf's reactions (or complete lack of reaction) to any mention of "feeding" was also way off.
What really caused me to stop reading though was this chapter. Bella goes to Volterra, discovers what the tourist are for, FINALLY has a reaction to it, and then goes and lectures the brothers on fucking poverty, sickness, and starvation.
What the fuck?
That deserves a what the fuck all by it's self, but it gets worse.
Bella then implies that the Volturi's vast wealth can be used to pay off nation's debt and end poverty. She implies this after she accuses the brothers of being out of touch with reality.
I'll gloss over the fact that the majority of the Volturi's wealth would be in priceless artifacts that are thousands of years ld and how impossible it would be to sell those artifacts, not to mention what would happen to the market once they did - and skip to deal with the idea that poverty, sickness, and starvation can be fixed by vast sums of money.
Spoiler alert: It can't.
I'm going to generalize about Africa, but these generalizations do not apply to every nation.
Africa is poor not because some rich guy hasn't handed over all of his money yet, but because the land there has no valuable resources. There's nothing in Africa that is important to the rest of the world. There is nothing to sell, or form an economy around.
Because of a lack of natural resources there is a lack of things to export because of a lack of things to export you can't build an economy because you cant build an economy you can't tax it because you can't tax something that doesn't exist you can't form a proper government because you can't form a proper government you can't form a proper society because you can't forma proper society you can't build roads, bridges, houses, sewage system, electrical grids, hospitals, schools and more.
Sickness, poverty, and disease are all tied to Africa's lack of natural resources. South Africa struck gold, and so they're doing pretty good. Certain parts of Africa struck oil, and so they're alright - but in general Africa has nothing except for overpopulation. This entire issue with a lack of resources is only made much much worse by the vast overpopulation that exist in Africa today.
In Asia, the sickness and poverty can be blamed on two factors: Vast overpopulation and socialism.
To see Bella call anyone out of touch with reality and then imply that the transference of wealth would solve the world's problems is just too much to take.
I would recommend that Bela take some basic economic courses and learn about the actual issues plaguing the world and their causes.
P.S - Sorry for being a dick. I'm passionate about economic issues and as much as I would love to solve the issues of poverty, handing over money isn't going to do it. Economies need to be created. Perhaps in the future more resources will be discovered, or our economies will shift enough to allow Africa to produce something of value. For now that's food and will probably have to stay food for a while. We have the solve the overpopulation first and the issue of vast amounts of ungoverned land, in which terrorist organization have sprung up.
| Aggie94 chapter 3 . 10/29
Loving the fantastic story. Absolutely love Aro and is wife. Can't wait to see how she turns the Cullen world upside down.
| shannon30033 chapter 1 . 10/15
I loved this story. I particularly loved the future-takes. The Rosalie one was moving. I'd never read anything where she actually gets to be a mom when the characters aren't AH. The entire story was cohesive and really interesting. I throughly enjoyed it! Thanks for powering through tough times to finish. It's a magnificent work.
| Ccaajjaa chapter 32 . 10/10
Fab, fab story. Thank you.
| missmelly chapter 16 . 10/9
I seem to be on a review roll: I want to thank you for Aro not being a heinous wretch, the way so many make him. He seems much more understandable as a flawed, and wickedly smart, vampire—he does rule the vamp world, after all. Caius seemed the more born-to-be-bad one, anyway. Aro always makes me nervous, but I could enjoy him here, and just loved that he admitted to mistakes and showed growth, as anyone who was related to Bella must.
| missmelly chapter 14 . 10/9
It never made sense to me that Meyer insisted Bella was special beyond measure—and everyone around Bella saw it—but Bella never could see herself clearly. I contend someone that broken in spirit would never be as special as Meyer wanted her to be. Your Bella, on the other hand, is not only smart and beautiful, she is mature. She has wisdom that, at her young age, makes her remarkably special. Your story is so much easier to believe—as unbelievable as it is!—because Bella shows us in word and deed that she is an astonishing being. Thank you for sharing such an interesting take on the story with us.