Reviews for Secret Sisters
Joshua chapter 3 . 8/11/2017
This chapter was amazing and very well-done. Five dickshots (Troy's death) out of five. One last thing to say, I really wish I could find a fanfic of Jane embracing motherhood. It's slowly hinted at in Season 2, and was sadly unused in season 3. The idea of Jane being a mother to me is great, and I'm hoping for the possibility that it just might transpire in this story (or another future one). Great writing, awesome story, and keep going as long as you want! (PS, I hope Jane doesn't die. Her death in Season 3 made me bawl like a newborn baby.)
ForeseeObstacles chapter 3 . 7/25/2017

I'm so sorry for the lateness of this review. Please accept a basket of sorry cookies and this list of my thoughts on your incredible third chapter.

The first thing I liked was that we got to see more of Jane’s awkwardness around the baby. I think it says a lot about her character and it’s played for comedy at the same time, without detracting too much from the dramatic tone of the whole story. I feel like I’m learning more and more about your rendition of Jane with each chapter. I’ve read quite a few fanfics where authors are really heavy-handed with telling rather than showing, but you introduce us to things about Jane that are subtle and require reading into. Like the way she’s super disgusted by AJ throwing up when we know she’s comfortable being covered in walker guts – she even has a line of dialogue about it – so the discomfort probably stems from the fact that it came from a baby, a tiny human that she’s now responsible for, in a way.

We’ve already talked about this, but I love that the thought occurs to her that she was “second best” to Kenny – whether or not it's true, she knows it's possible that Clementine would have preferred Kenny, had she not been pressured into making the choice in a matter of seconds. It’s short, and only expressed in a few words but that’s heavy stuff. It’s a sad, dark thought that Jane’s one friend/surrogate little sister might regret saving her life, might wish she’d spared Kenny instead. It just really stood out to me. *applause* *confetti canon*

On that subject, the entire chapter is scattered with small moments and phrases that keep making me like Jane; when she called Clem “tiger,” the way she goes pale when asked if AJ was hers, the way she notices the man’s subtle gestures of aggression when he’s asking them to let him in. I love these moments because of the things they say about her – she’s starting to feel more comfortable with the way she cares about Clementine, despite it giving her another thing to lose. The idea of motherhood scares the hell out of her, despite being a person who has faced far scarier things many, many times before. She’s perceptive, and has dealt with dishonest, shitty people enough to spot it in people who are trying to get one over on her.

I just really dig your Jane, is what I’m saying. She’s pretty cool and she feels very real.

I didn’t think it was possible to find Troy more abhorrent than I already did. The references to his and Jane’s “arrangements” – I use the term lightly because we all know she didn’t have much of a choice in the matter – and the damage it left her with were, in my opinion, really well done. They were dark and grisly and relevant to her character. I don’t think we can really know Jane without visiting the dark places of her mind – the frightening, traumatizing things that stayed with her and made her who she is. A lot of fanfics involving Jane tend to demonize her, because she was characterized a certain way in Season Two. But here, and not just in this chapter, we get to see that she’s a human being with regrets and shame and fear and self-doubt, not just an unfeeling bitch who hated Kenny. (Because that’s pretty much all she did in the game). We also get to see her softer side, her capacity for kindness and empathy, something the game barely touched on. You expanded on so many aspects of who she is that the game didn’t go into, and would have been better if it had.

Your Jane is written better than canon Jane, is what I’m saying. Telltale should hire you to do in-depth analysis of their characters. Maybe if you’d written Bonnie I wouldn’t hate her with a fiery passion. (Shots fired. No ragrets.)

Also, I hate Troy so much. He’s the worst human that’s ever happened. I say that with the St. Johns, the Stranger, and Negan in mind, and I still mean it. He was a Level 10 garbage person.

The comparison between Clem turning the family away and Jane leaving Jaime to die was a REALLY good idea, and extremely well-written. I like the way you’re drawing parallels between the two of them, how they both say they did the right thing – “right” meaning what it took to stay alive – even though it seems they both regret their choices. It’s consistent with this theme – let me know if I’m reading too much into it, haha – that they’re influencing each other, and Clem is becoming more like Jane. Maybe Jane is even becoming a little more like Clementine.

As a side note, I like that you went with the “what if I am?” dialogue option. It’s my favorite one. #thuglifeClem

I liked the reference to Lee, and the reminder that he influenced Clementine in a way that’s almost the complete opposite of Jane. Lee had to kill people, too, but he doesn’t ever have to justify it to her. I mean, he can if the player makes him, but when you play as Lee, you’re free to kill people AND also to admit that it was wrong. Whereas Jane doesn’t seem to want to admit when her choices are wrong – or at least quickly resorts to justifying why they were necessary, which they might very well have been. It makes me think about all the guardian figures Clementine has lost, and how (aside from Kenny, maybe) Jane is the first one to teach her to prioritize herself over others – a philosophy that’s cold, and even selfish, but pragmatic, and the most likely to keep her alive. It makes sense that Clementine is conflicted now, having been taught that different things are important by different people. We can see her trying to figure out who to listen to, and on a deeper level trying to figure out the kind of person she wants to be.

Character development is everywhere. EVERYWHERE. It's awesome. This fanfic has everything I like in a good story - character development and 3-dimensional personalities and it makes me feel feelings.

10 Omids/10 Omids. Please continue.
Guest chapter 3 . 7/9/2017
Good chapter can't wait for the next one. Interesting to see Jane in this way, but I feel like Clementine putting Kenny down would effect her a little more than it does. He was Lee's best friend after all and he gave his eye for her when in the moment it could of very well been his life. Update soon please.
PunctuationPoint chapter 3 . 7/8/2017
And we're back with our regularly scheduled 'awwwh' fest.

In the first scene, we find Jane, Clem, and wee AJ taking shelter inside a restroom. This entire bit was cute, imagining Clementine curling up to Jane for warmth, and the awkwardness Jane must've felt in that moment. Seeing Jane's thoughts about AJ still makes me crack up, but she seems to SLOWLY be getting used to the thing's presence. Her flashback with Jaime was heartbreaking to think about, and I found my heart pumping a bit just reading it. I hope AJ gets better soon, though, can't have snot all over Clem's bloodied brown jacket all the time xD

Randy has returned, this time, without a cabin in the woods, and an epic boxing match with Luke. The tension during that scene was palpable, bringing to life the scene we saw in the game. I like how everything's culminated to this point so far, with the references to the places they've taken shelter over the past several days of travel to get to Howe's. Thinking back to this scene now, although without the knowledge of what Randy and co. do in the future, I'd probably not let them in too. Although, I won't know if that's what happens until the next scene, but I imagine that's how this has gone down.

Wow, this last scene. This whole chapter, really. Clem and Jane's relationship over the course of Season 2 and SS is just... such a great evolution. Their scene on top of the roof was heartwarming, seeing Jane trying to cheer up Clementine, while having her own negative thoughts about Howe's, specifically about Troy. Really gives a whole new meaning to her quote from ANF, about how Howe's is full of ghosts. She's remembering Troy, a ghost of her past, and that is ruining the victory of finding Howe's again for her. Once again, you continue to impress with your ability to write Jane. Her thoughts and feelings are so vividly portrayed, and the little flashbacks we see every now and again really does a good job at fleshing out the character. She's someone that focuses a lot on the past, and can hardly escape it, and that shows in the way that you write her.

Overall, another fantastic chapter. You truly are the fluff master, dude xD You write fluff in such a way that I just can't help but love it, and that's really something special, and so is Secret Sisters. It quickly became one of your greatest works, and will be one of my personal favorites for the rest of time.
TheBigBadWolf1 chapter 3 . 7/6/2017
Well, what another nice addition to the story this was!

Apologies for the delay on this one, but let's get into it. Looks like Clem keeps fucking with Jane, trying to get her to hold Puke McGee. Good thing that little shit faded out during the latter half of this chapter xD that's the best nickname ever, by the way.

That Jaime flashback was just great as well! It's really one of those moments that shows just how Jane became who she is (and this story with ripe with those moments, obviously) and there was definitely some tension there, due to how well-written that flashback was.

And now we at Howe's! I kek'ed at Jane being all grossed out by seeing Carver beaten to a pulp, and asking Clem how she was able to watch that. Would've expected Jane to be the tough shit xD but yeah, I can see that, coupled with how Clem refused the family, you've gone with the more hardened version of Clem.

I really liked how you handled the situation with the family. In the actual game, it was usually awkward that Clementine usually found herself making all the decisions despite being a little girl, but here that was perfectly justified by having Jane freeze in front of a moral dilemma. Jane really feels like she's mellowed out, but now the problem is that she can't keep saying "fuck everyone else" and now this leaves her in a hard situation. Was also enjoyable to read how Clem handled this situation, with her refusing the family more so out of tiredness and just not wanting them to be in danger, but then later regretting her choice. I would've done the exact same - tell Redhead Randy and his family to go.

And of course, I sure as hell wasn't expecting how you delved into that Troy thing xD it was definitely nice to see that you're capable of writing grimmier shit. It was a sickening read to imagine how that must torment Jane, and now even Howe's seems like a haunted place over the things that took place here. That kind of stuff is never pleasant to read about, but of course, you being the knowledgeable fellow you are, knew how to not go overboard and didn't make it gratituous or anything.

But anyways, I can't wait to see how this is going to unfold, since I have a feeling we'll be seeing that family again soon.
TheLoneWo1f chapter 3 . 7/4/2017
Hello again BHBrowne, it's certainly been a while!

But you were right, this chapter was definitely worth the wait. These chapters just keep getting better every time! It was very interesting how you dove deep into Jane's backstory and I thought it was great. Especially with the whole Jaime attempted suicide part, that was just so well done.

I also love how you described Howe's, I felt like I was just like Jane, going back and remembering certain things, people dying, etc. But damn, that last part with Troy, JESUS. I didn't expect that at all.

But like always, another fine chapter! I'll be eagerly waiting for the next one!

leafs nation chapter 3 . 7/3/2017
You absolutely kicked ass this chapter, Browne. I loved how we got to see deeper into Jane's mind with what she was thinking about, all the crap that's been haunting her with Troy, her sister, etc., and the fact that she's still doubting herself with regards to whether Clem can fully trust her or not once again.

Speaking of Troy though, god damn... I knew there was something creepy going on with him besides just being a giant dick, but you really managed to capture that in a way where you're not explicitly telling us what's going on. I love seeing when people write in a way that allows the readers to fill in the missing pieces.

I'm starting to find Clem's minimalist dialogue really charming, especially when she's being so friggin' adorable even when she doesn't mean to xD I have a sneaky feeling that Clem's starting to let some of her actions eat away at her though, and I mean, as much as it might help that Jane's trying to relieve her of that guilt, it's still a heck of a weight for an eleven year old kid to have hanging onto her conscience.

And yay! Jane and Clem seem to be getting closer than ever, especially since the rest stop fiasco. I think Jane's starting to figure out that the whole "bodily contact" thing isn't quite as awful as she had once believed, and seeing this, Clem's drawing herself towards her with less hesitation. I love it! More please :D

So... they're settling into Howe's, then. Can't wait to see where you take it from here on out, whether they decide to fortify the place and hold out for as long as they can, or whether you've got your own spin on the events from here on out.

Loving it all so far! Keep up the awesome work :)
smeake chapter 3 . 6/30/2017
Good chapter man, can't wait for the next one, I like all the detail you put into it :)
FifthBeatle chapter 2 . 5/12/2017
Was meant to drop a review some time ago, but me being a lazy bum and busy caused a rather lengthy delay, unfortunately. So apologies on my part for that xD. Alrighty, off to the actual review now:

I was excited upon seeing the second chapter being released and of course gave it a read. The new installment was top notch, like the previous one. Your writing style is unique and so damn enjoyable, I love it so much! The amount of detail you put into this is absolutely amazing, you are exceptional in that area. The dialogue was on point, same goes for the characterization. Your renditions of Jane and Clementine is one of the very best out there, definitely a treat to read.

You got me chuckling at the last scene, hehe. The description was accurate when Clementine drank the rum and it was a joy to read as well.

Once again, you prove to be one of the greatest Telltale TWD writers on FanFiction with this quality chapter. I'm definitely looking forward to reading the third chapter, and I promise I will review much earlier after reading it :D.
Eat Cheese Everyday chapter 2 . 5/4/2017
Nicely done, not too many stories with a proper Clem/Jane partnership, even fewer that are actually worth reading, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you how flawed many of the stories are on this fucking website; some of them make me want to hold my nose, down a bottle of disinfectant and dive back into the Anime section (no easy feat I don't mind telling you).

The plot is pretty solid, it wasn't the best or most original I'd eve seen but it was enough to make me think to myself 'just one more chapter', a standard I believe every good story should have. There were one or two spelling/punctuation errors but considering the overall quality I'd say they were just typos on your part, and that's understandable.

Looking forward to the next installment, don't keep us waiting. XD
leafs nation chapter 2 . 4/29/2017
Sorry this took so long! I'm hanging my head in shame as we speak xD

But anyways... geez, where do I even start with this one, man? You knocked it out of the park, and once again have reaffirmed my belief that there are people who can do Jane and Clem some justice.

This may sound weird, but I really enjoy seeing how you can have the two of them, during their interactions with each other, say so much to one another without needing to... talk, all the time. Heh. Like, whenever anything with Kenny is ever brought up between the two of them, or one of them is reminded about the rest stop incident, it usually gets all quiet and sad, and you can clearly tell that Jane's regretful that she hurt Clem, yet firm in her decision to get the both of them away as quickly as possible. I also love how torn you've made Clementine seem in her decision to remain with Jane - was it really the right choice? If given the chance, would she do it again, or leave Jane out in the snow? All this character development and internal trauma is a joy to read through.

Their witty banter, though! You're nailing that vibe, that sort of teasing, sisterly bond that the two of them can sometimes share and, although neither of them are exactly social butterflies in their own right, you can tell that the both of them have a sort of weird, awkward camaraderie with each other that the rest of the world can't really see. I feel like people can relate to this duo so much that... damn, BHBrowne. It's almost like I can picture myself in the story, chugging right alongside them.

Jane's not exactly the most comforting person in the world, and clearly can't completely fill that "caregiver" role that Lee left behind, but you know what? I think I actually prefer it that way. The two of them in your story fill the void that the other person desperately needs without even realizing it, I think, such as the one where Jane's promising that she won't abandon Clem again, to where Clem is teaching Jane (partially through AJ) that it's alright to actually care for somebody again, even in the midst of all the shit that's been thrown their way. The rum part was entertaining as hell, too, and it was really funny watching Clem experiencing her first sort of "drunken" state. God, that was adorable, and Jane was sure getting a kick out of it :)

So, long story short, excellent chapter once again. Can't wait for the next chapter, and can't wait to see what happens when they finally reach Howe's hardware.

Oh, and by the way, tell me you saw the flashback in episode four. Just... sigh. I think I really needed that.
TheLoneWo1f chapter 2 . 4/26/2017
Another fantastic chapter, BHbrowne!

BHbrowne, your writing is nothing less than inspiring. The way you describe everything is just marvelous and there's not a single thing that I can't imagine from your writing.

BHbrowne, stop playing with my emotions! That scene with Clem, Jane, and little ole AJ was just a thing of beauty. It brought tears to my eyes. Clementine crying and Jane comforting her just hit me in the feels. That scene was really well done!

But I do have one really REALLY big gripe. I need the next chapter now! But in all seriousness, there's not really anything I have to complain about. Keep up the good work and keep doing what you're doing man!
PunctuationPoint chapter 2 . 4/22/2017
You finally put this shit up, thank fucking God! I've needed my BHBrowne fix, boy. Let's get straight into this shit, after an obligatory "Happy belated mothafuckin' birthday, boi! Hope you enjoy being [insert age here]!"

In the first scene, we find Clementine looking a wee wittle butterfly while standing on the cabin's balcony. Then Jane comes in and ruins it by scaring the butterfly away. How dare you, Jane! It was such a touching moment! But, that's fine, since we get to have another touching moment between the two, where Jane tells Clementine about how Jaime would catch butterflies and keep them in jars. It was a cute moment, and perfectly written in the voice of Jane. Then, we get a wee bit of flashback about the friends and family Clementine's lost to get to where she is today. Kenny. Luke. Lee. Mixing these all together into one scene really makes the tear ducts want to flow, the memories of how they each shaped Clementine into who she is being a sad one. Kenny, who taught her that family is important, above all else. Luke, who shared that vision of 'family' with Kenny, taught her that sometimes you have to do the right thing. Then there's Lee, who was the most important of all, and really shaped Clementine into the young woman she becomes. His effect on Clementine is so enormous that I can hardly word them all here, but without him, she wouldn't be who she is now. These men had such an effect on her, and she lost all three of them, along with everyone else she's ever known except Jane. It's such a melancholy thought, something that really gets you to feel how the character feels, and pulls on the heartstrings.

Here's another thought, since it just crossed my mind, and it seemed interesting enough to talk about here, given Jane's involvement in this story. Telltale seems to love toying around the with the idea of Clementine having a brother/father figure. We've seen it so many times. Lee, Luke, Kenny, even Javier to an extent as a brother figure. It's so often explored, especially in the gaming medium, like The Walking Dead (obviously), and the Last of Us, but something that often isn't explored as much is Clementine having a mother/sister figure. We haven't really seen much on the mother-figure side, at least, not in canon, with the minor exception of Bonnie, but then there's Jane... who, while she comes off as manipulative sometimes, is the first time we really see Clementine bond with a woman. On top of that, it seems that almost every woman Clementine meets either manipulates her, betrays her, or hates her, at least in the beginning (mainly referring to Rebecca here), but then there's Jane, the one who started off manipulating her, and you start to see how much she cares for Clementine. Clementine looks up to her, and, even after the whole Kenny v. Jane fight, manages to forgive her and try to make amends. I find it so interesting that, while that whole aspect is explored a little, it's a bit more of a gray area compared to the other side, where people like Lee and Luke were often seen through a tinted lense, being the 'white knights' of the apocalypse, while those that are her sister/mother figures often just don't work out. I'm glad I get to see this explored in Secret Sisters, you do such a fantastic job at writing the dynamic between these two, it often feels like the perfect continuation of Season 2.

Anyway, BACK TO THE CHAPTER ITSELF EH? Jane gives Clementine a rather stale granola bar, before fussing over her about whether or not Clementine was allergic to peanuts. I openly giggled at this, because that would've meant she'd be allergic to Peanut the Goldfish, and that'd be a damn shame xD Then Jane goes to check on AJ, only for Clementine to look inside the bag and find less supplies than she would've hoped. It's at that moment, I'd imagine Clementine would have this sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, something that brings her down, but Jane manages to calm her down a little after Clementine finds her trying to calm down a crying AJ. Not only that, but a SICK AJ? PLEASE TELL ME THAT HE LIVES, BROWNE. I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER A NEW FRONTIER SITUATION :(

Now, we're at the final scene, and I'm having a hard time not choking up from the emotional rollercoaster this chapter has been. Clementine, Jane, and wee AJ spend the night in a garden shed, where Clementine starts wondering about whether or not Jane is going to leave her like before. Thankfully, Jane promises to stay, and I hope that she DOES. Obviously, I don't see you making her leave, but it's a nice feeling to know that Clementine's being looked after, and doesn't have to worry about being on her own again. I had a small smile on my face during the bit where Jane gives Clementine some more of the rum. It's such a happy, melancholy moment, I can't help but just... Browne, how the fuck are you so good at writing scenes like these? Honestly, I'm jealous. You do such a great job at writing these emotional scenes that really have your heartstrings being pulled, and I... I feel like I couldn't do anything like this justice. I'm glad you're still around in this community, your stories are such a pleasure to read, and you continue to improve with every chapter you put out. You, along with only a few other authors in this section, are the reason why I keep coming back here. I can't wait to see how this journey to Howe's unfolds in the coming chapters!
ForeseeObstacles chapter 2 . 4/18/2017
I had to take a ten minute break between reading this chapter and writing a review for it so I could recover emotionally. I started looking at Clem/Luke gifs and Clem/Kenny gifs, which admittedly made it worse. That one's on me.

I'm not sure where to start, other than by saying I love your writing, both the content and your writing style. It's a slow burn of emotional buildup, so to speak, which on rare and wonderful occasions comes to a head and stabs you right in the feels (in the best way, of course!). So far, this is one of the best character-driven stories I've seen. There's a minimal amount of dialogue but still a lot of interaction between the characters, and the detail of the inner dialogue makes me feel that I'm starting to understand your versions of Jane and Clementine.

Speaking of, the way you characterized them is both realistic and original. The way they think and behave is close enough to their canon selves that I believe they would say and do these things, but you also made it your own in a way, because we see them do things here that we might not have expected from them in the game. The way Jane tries her hand at being nurturing when she tries to get Clem to eat, and the way she comforts her with a hug when she starts to cry are perfect examples of this, I think :)

I was surprised to see Clementine actually break down and cry for her lost friends, mostly because it's something she (at least with my choices) never did in the game. Canon Clem definitely took a level in badass between games one and two, and with all her sassy kickassery it's easy to forget that she's eleven, and has seen and done things that have left her heavily traumatized. It was a great idea/interpretation of her character. It reminded me that, as awesome as she is, she still needs friends/family. This pairs her well with Jane, who went without friends for a long time and was known for being a loner in season two. Neither one of them is predisposed to the need for human companionship, and you demonstrated that wonderfully here.

I noticed a couple of lines, which were very short but carried A TON of meaning behind them, ie. "But not the ice." They really stood out to me - personally, I think tiny details like that can really make a story fantastic, so well done, friend! I also liked when Clem remembered the last words of the people she's had to kill. It sent quite a message with only a few lines of dialogue.

It's clear that Clementine and Jane have a bond, and it's somewhat difficult to understand (maybe even for the characters themselves). The rum scene showed us that they're trying to overcome the things that would drive them apart - Clementine is learning to trust her not to leave her again and Jane is getting over her discomfort at getting emotionally attached to her. I'm curious to see how it plays out, knowing that even if they've bonded with each other, Clementine won't ever be able to forget that Kenny died because of Jane. More than that, she had to be the one to kill him, and it's obvious in the guilt and anxiety in her narration that it's going to stay with her.

I want to read more about these characters, and I hope they can find a way to make things work, all things considered. I'm already waiting for chapter 3!

Also, I know I said this beta reading but it deserves to be said again. Clementine drinking and saying "My face feels funny" is the cutest thing that's ever happened anywhere. Except maybe Doge. Maybe.
Screamin' Eagles chapter 2 . 4/18/2017
From the first words, I was sucked in. It's rare that anything I read does this to me, but I almost felt present in the story, over that of just watching from above. The narration wasn't just from Clementine's point of view, it WAS Clementine narrating. Her thoughts and ideas and inner conflicts were the narration, and it was just so perfect to read. There were a few small parts that I stumbled over while reading, but that had nothing to do with the storytelling and more with me reading this while tired. The way you write Clementine's ideas and interactions with Jane is a paragon of realism for this situation. Little is exaggerated, and we finally see the hurt, broken side of Clementine that people rarely want to address. A lot of people write, but this? This isn't just writing.

It's art.

9.5/10 boats.
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