There's so much info planting that it give the impression that Harry is a puppy incapable of focusing on what he is doing rather than some other random shit.

It kill the flow of the story.

Checking in ch4. Lasted four chapters of drug
Hahahahayou fucking troll.
Explanation shows your level of assholery. Grats

Wow, it takes a special kind of sick fuck to try and make domestic violence seem cute and funny.

Unentertaining trash, Harry has been made a pathetic loser that can only make the story better by dying.

Harry is a pathetic emo loser in this

Tie fighters don't have hyperdrives moron, it's clear you don't know shit about the either the Potter-verse or Star Wars as you continously butcher both.

A bunch of adult males acting like 13 year old girls whenever sex is alluded to is fucking stupid and not funny or entertaining in the least

You need to figure out how you are going tonwrite your MC.
Harry is either a badass or a pathetic emo bitch, pick one. Your moronic attempt to try and make him both makes your character and therefore your story unbelievable and unreadable.

Seriously, you are only on chapter three and you just fucked your whole story because they would be dead, he took them back to the cave, you know, the same fucking cave he'll be going to after she is attacked, which means they would have seen each other. Seriously disappointing that you can't even keep straight one of the only two fucking rules, don't cross paths with yourself and don't change anything you know happened. If this is a sign of things to come thos story is going to be fucking garbage.

I thank you for the chapter.

I thank you for the chapter.

I thank you for the chapter.

I thank you for the chapter.

I thank you for the chapter.

I thank you for the chapter.