|Reviews for Ganondorf's Son|
| Twisted Mackeral chapter 1 . 7/10/2008
HaHA! She just got burned. A nice start. I'll endeavor to read the rest.
I'm trying to think of criticism but aside from a few grammar errors, I've got nothing. It had well-placed, concise description. The characters seemed neat. I'm curious as to where the brother/sister thing is going.
Ganondorf always makes a much more interesting character than Link and Zelda.
| Achitka chapter 10 . 3/24/2006
Heh, you are correct sir - your writing has improved - though I would suggest you clean up the previous chapters -
Anyway, you'll be getting a PM from me with a few suggestions - only on this chapter - cause I'm supposed to be doing something completely different - like checking on some answers for my forums. Most of what I'm sending deal with some minor grammar crap, the rest has to do with fragmented sentences and passive phrasing.
(You should know I am the Queen of Passives - so I definitely know em when I see em)
Overall I really like the tone of your story, dark and confusing - two of my favorite things. Your characters remain believable and consistant (something I appreciate btw) and the dialogue is well thought out and pertinent to your overall plot.
Very good work -
| Alfonts chapter 2 . 3/24/2006
OK. First off (and I'm sure you've gotten this from all the other riviews), Link is wrong. Firstly, the Link from the game would never "go over to the dark-side". But that's not really the point is it? If he didn't you'd have no story! So instead, I'm going to say that his change of heart was too sudden. He is willing to fight to the death and then suddenly changes his mind, this is exasperated by the way we've already seen "evil" Link. The audience needed to see hesitation before the final battle. Maybe even another chapter... I'm not sure...
That said, I rather like the character of "evil Link". I'd have preferred a little more introduction to Kotume before we find out she's been stibbed. We don't really get to see why Link has been chosen or has become "the favourite."
You're writing is quite proficient, but be careful with your descriptions. A couple of your earlier one's ("The Throne Room itself..." is a good example) are a little unwieldy. I reccommend keeping descriptions relatively lean, let the reader make their own image for themsleves. Also, you used the phrase "colour of dried blood" twice, nothing major, but it feels a little cheap.
Oh, and the opening sword fight is a little unwieldy. Again, I think it's a little too much detail. Firstly, it's a "horizontal" sweep, not "horizon". Secondly, we don't need to know it's "left to right", horizontal was enough. And we didn't need to know it was a "decapitating arc". It's unnecessary, and it didn't actually decapitate Link. Again, it's all a case of only filling in the necessary detail. Actually, you could have lost the word "sweep" as well. So it could have read:
"brought his sword around in a horizontal arc/sweep (your choice)."
It's faster and makes the passage flow better. I've really pulled that apart, but it's just an example. There are a couple of parts that could do with the same treatment.
Otherwise it's a good piece of writing. I'll certainly continue to read.
| Achitka chapter 1 . 3/23/2006
Oh my...well I read your profile and you said you wanted real C&C - I am always hesitant to do so - but I'll start with a few smaller things. I'll only deal with the first paragraph at this point...looks down - that's a really long one too. First I'd start by breaking that up. I know it's one fight scene - but this is the internet...You used the word figure too many times...you should try to mix it up a bit with words like, foe, advasary...stuff like that
The sound of steel colliding with steel echoed through the ceilingless stone room, as two figures fought in the falling rain. One figure was larger than the other, not only in girth but also in height. He wore the leather and iron armor of the Gerudo and carried a large, broad sword.
(His advesary appeared) about a foot shorter, though still just over average height for his age. Clad in a black cap and tunic over an off-white body suit with minimal armor. His equipment included a pair of silver gauntlets and a shield bearing the crest of the Kingdom of Hyrule.
- this is kinda awkward (a golden six-point star in the eye of a black eagle with spread wings on a silver field)
I would suggest: A black eagle with spread wings, sat upon a silver field. A golden six-point star within the eye flashed...blah blah blah
in addition to a finely crafted sword.
The larger figure was pushing back his smaller foe back. Still the smaller man continued to dodge and parry, and watched for an opening. This came when the larger figure brought his sword around in a horizon sweep from left to right in a decapitating arc.
The smaller figure threw himself down and hit the stones with his right shoulder and went into a roll. As soon as he was past the larger figure he leapt up and stabbed at the larger figure's back. The larger figure expectied this and parried the blow to the side with a second, smaller sword. Caught of guard the smaller figure, only a moment later, found himself staring down the blade into the grinning face of Ganondorf Dragmire.
The word figure is still in there way too much -
But whatever, this is actually the only chapter I've read and I'll try to wander back and read some more soon. Loved the end of the chapter - you do better with the dialogue - not at all cheesy -
have a good nite - achitka
| Jace chapter 10 . 10/22/2005
This stuff is a new perception towards the original game itself. I eagerly await for the next chapters to come.
| Jose Reynaldo chapter 10 . 9/12/2005
Great stuff man! I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter this stuff is brilliant!
| The Eromancer chapter 10 . 9/6/2005
YES! An evil Link Story! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! OH how I have WAITED!
| soulcollector chapter 10 . 8/5/2005
did u already review...? well i dont know, but please update soon!
| KazeKiryoku chapter 10 . 7/22/2005
Good chapter, it's nice that Link is finally turning around, but I wonder weither this is just temporary or not? Update soon, ok?
| Jose Reynaldo chapter 10 . 7/15/2005
Great originality, especially with the alternaye universe.
| soulcollector chapter 10 . 7/6/2005
great story! i cant find much problems in the fanfic, so its fine! are you going to update soon?
| dark dragon 00 chapter 10 . 6/25/2005
this is a very cool story update it soon
| anime gurl chapter 8 . 6/24/2005
... you know, ive never liked that gorilla-like monkey dude, but i feel sorry for him. you sure know how to make link seem cruel. but i guess thats natural since hes been raised in an environment ganondorf created for him. anyways. good job.
| anime gurl chapter 4 . 6/24/2005
o_O i cant believe it. i feel so bad for link, saria, and navi. i know ive never liked navi before, what with her annoying, consistent pestering. but, in this fic, i pity her as i pity the two best friends.
but what happened to malon?
| anime gurl chapter 3 . 6/23/2005
*gulp* poor malon! i feel so sorry for her! [and i thought that dude'd name was ingo, no inigo...] tears came to my eyes [none feel, no thanks to you! -_-] when malon begged link not to take epona away.
say... is malon gonna be link's horsetaker? i mean, is she going to care for epona? it would keep malon at link's side *wink wink*. what do you think? well i already see some chapters so i'll have to see from there, i guess...