|Reviews for Place in this World|
| Dino-Rogue chapter 1 . 5/18
Congrats for the 'A'! Yay! :)
I. Flipping. Love. This! All spot-on, nailing everything single thing! Gohan, I sincerely, absolutely applaud you! Giving justice to Yamcha's character by giving him his own story; fabled though it might be, it's still his own, and hopefully earning some money for the family in the process, too! Hahaha! Gohan is the genius! And so are you, dear author, for this marvelous piece! Love, love, love it!
| strangebloke chapter 1 . 1/10/2014
Poor Yamcha. Although I really can't see him totally giving up fighting. He states that although he's done really well in baseball, martial arts remains his true passion.
But yeah, its pretty clear that by the time the cell games roll around he's completely given up on being relevant. Which is really pretty sad, considering that he's pretty much Goku's oldest friend.
Your story was a joy though. I love how you had the interweaving dialogues and how yamcha and chi-chi's talk influenced Gohan's fable.
| tomorrow4eva chapter 1 . 5/15/2013
That is a great fable, and a lovely story. Yamcha needs more love.
| young dawn chapter 1 . 3/20/2012
This was simply brilliant. Gohan's writing process was very entertaining, as were the antics of Chi-Chi and Yamcha in the background. It was interesting to see the latter from a new perspective, namely young Gohan. I like to think that they did become close those years of Goku's absence. And, you retold Yamcha's (or Yalma's) story with a lot of heart and did him justice. All in all, I completely loved this. Well done.
| cdkobasiuk chapter 1 . 2/2/2011
Well done. I liked how you wrote Chichi and Yamcha. I wrote a Chichi/Yamcha a long..long time ago. Gohans writing and thinking was very funny.
| Esplandian chapter 1 . 7/14/2009
I would love to translate this story to Spanish, if you let me. It is full of heart, and gives Yamcha the dignity he deserves as a character (something most B/V authors dismiss.)
| Elenek chapter 1 . 4/10/2005
I was wandering around the favorites of one of my favorite authors and came across your little fable. I am impressed. This was magnificent. You interspersed all the elements beautifully. The outside comments worked well with the internal comments. It was a great introspective on the dynamics of DBZ. Wow. Thank You for writing. -El-
| Garowyn chapter 1 . 11/9/2004
| Twinnie chapter 1 . 9/30/2004
Boy I like this. Your story is very clever, very well-constructed. Insightfull and funny all at once.
| Y2Jen chapter 1 . 9/28/2004
hehe, aw, that was kinda cute.
| Jessi Lynn chapter 1 . 9/10/2003
Wow, Crash, I'm impressed! Much better than the one I originally reviewed... ;D Very fluid writing, and you managed to combine the background dialogue and the story very well, without detracting from either. I really enjoyed the dialogue. I thought it was very funny, and it added to the story without getting in the way. It was also nice to get some detail on what Gohan's life was like after Cell...
The folk tale itself was very good. No wonder you got an A! Your conventions were excellent; it's obvious you do a thorough job of editing. Overall, very impressive and well put together.
| cameoappearance chapter 1 . 9/2/2003
Oh my god! I remember reading this fic a LONG time ago! WHy didn't I review? O.o Anyway, it was great refreshing my memory and reading it again!
Let me just say you are an AMAZING writer, and I thoroughly enjoyed this fic! This one early line killed me:
~Visualize your opponent. Plan your attack. Gather your power…~
LOL, I love the comparison to fighting in the whole writing thing, probably because I'VE just recently started doing that! -
The conversation between Yamucha and Chi-Chi was kept very well in character, and funny too :) I REALLY enjoyed the little fable, and I love how you put the various characters in there, especially Yamucha! He's too often overlooked, but I like the guy.
~Yalmar was a jackrabbit who lived alone in a lowland forest. In his youth, he had laid claim to a small stretch of stream, and defended his territory from all other animals. Though small, Yalmar had bested many a threatening animal by using his speed and cunning to his advantage.
“And his mighty Kamehameha Wave. But I don't think rabbits do that.”~
~The fawn was attacked, and driven off the banks. Yet, instead of running further, the fawn paused.
“Because Dad really was that dumb, sometimes.”~
~“…About Goten? He get over that scorpion sting?”
“Stings, Yamcha. Many, many stings. The boy found a whole nest of them.”
“Euh. Y'know, maybe you ought to find something for that boy to do. Y'know, a hobby or something. Does he like crayons?”
“No, they taste ‘icky.’”~
~The braved foul weather, and traversed across inhospitable terrain.
“They boldly used vocabulary that no fable had used before.” Gohan chucked to himself. “Excelsior!”
LMAO. That's all I can say :P (lol, I know, I like to quote). Geez, let me just say again what a spectacular author you are! :D
And, um, I'm probably an idiot, but I can't figure out who the moose at the end was ;; That DOESN'T make it any less of an impressive and great tale, though! - Maybe if I think a little more, it'll come to me...
GREAT work, I'm going to see if I can check out some more of your stuff!
| Uchiha Mira chapter 1 . 9/2/2003
Well Crash, m'friend, this was utterly amazing. I can see why Snowy has dubbed you, what was it? Effing awesome? Lol, whatever it was, she was right!
The mastery with which you handled this fic... it completely blew me away. I think of all the fics I've read so far on this 'fic club', this is by FAR my favourite. Such a seemingly simple plot, and yet you transformed it into an incredible piece. I really don't know how you did it.
The interweaving and connection between Gohan's essay and Yamucha into the story was just... unbelievable. So artfully done, it was subtle, tasteful, perfect. And Yamucha is such an underplayed character, too, I love what you've done with him. So often he's just shown as some weak coward who can't do anything anymore, but you got beyond that cliche and really showed Yamucha for his true colours. I loved it.
Normally I'd go through and pick out all my favourite lines, but if I tried to do that I'd just end up quoting the entire fic. _ All in all, you can't criticise this piece. There's nothing TO criticise, and it's just too amazing.
| DoraMouse chapter 1 . 9/2/2003
Glad you enjoyed writing this. It shows.
Ah. I see. So you subscribe to the Euhemerus theory of mythology then? *nods approval* Yea. Me too. Much as I respect the other theories... Authors have likely always used some personal experience in storytelling, thus it seems logical to assume that there is always a basic touch of truth - however obscure - underlying the symbolism and rituals.
Was nice to see Gohan go through a process that, I suspect, many of us do when were writing. Gathering not only the paperwork for reference but also gathering his own memories, his own opinions... And then having to limit how much of himself he puts into the work so that the story stands on its own and doesnt turn into a skewed autobiography.
Yea. We know Gohans life story, more or less, thanks to the series. But there arent many moments given to quiet contemplation and reflection. So its just nice to see Gohan sorting through things, in a way. Whether or not Gohan makes any money off his fable is almost unimportant. He seems to gain some peace of mind. Thats reward enough.
And yea. Good of you to mention everyone else. Give them all credit for existing and influencing each other. Not only do the bits with Yamucha, ChiChi and Goten tactfully bring some humor to what would have otherwise almost certainly become angst... Their collective presence balances things out. Reminds us that the story isnt over yet. That Gohan and Yamucha and the rest of them still have chapters ahead of them, so to speak. Very satisying way to end things. Uplifting, even.
A shame that in the official series, they all eventually fall by the wayside - becoming little more than footnotes in Gokus ongoing story. But the offical studios loss is our gain, I suppose. For those of us with open minds - those authors willing to see beyond the glare of the series spotlight - we are free to speculate.
Congrats Crash. You do the characters justice. You write them with respect and remind us that a piece of ourselves is hiding under the fiction. Nice work.
Uhm. That being said.. I saw one typo and a couple of places where you skipped words. Usually I wouldnt bother to mention one typo. But in this case...
You Wrote: “Ignoring Yamcha’s feigned disappointment, ChiChi turned back to his son.”
You meant HER son, didnt you? But... Erm. Well. Yea. This is just one of lil mix ups - Id want someone to tell me if I did it. Cause some of your readers could wander away with the impression that Gohan is Yamuchas kid. Which may or may not be how they relate to each other but... Anyway. Yea. Thats all.
Take care Crash!
| The Sh33p chapter 1 . 9/2/2003
Good stuff man, good stuff. It all flowed eerily well with what the series told us, and gave Yamcha the rare light he so often deserves, but from the differing perspective of another character.
All things considered, this was quite good. I especially liked the bit towards the end with the baby moose and the Wolf Fang Fist.
And I also got a snicker at Gohans comments as he wrote the thing.
Again, good job.