Reviews for Harry Potter, Master of Death |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Enjoying the story. Hope your muse lets you return to finish it. |
![]() ![]() ![]() This is turning out really good… I just found this story 2 days ago and I’m almost done… after reading this I will be checking your other stories. Thank you for your time and imagination,,, 10 out of 10 stars… |
![]() ![]() ![]() Tom and Dumbledore are in for a hard ass kicking, especially if they go after Hermione, Luna or on of the parents! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Loving this story! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Harry can win! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Now to get some payback on Tom and Albus! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Luna early |
![]() ![]() ![]() Please update your story soon! |
![]() ![]() ![]() The plot is interesting, however, you have a tendency to tell, rather than show. For example, “ Luna had become attached to Xeno, who refused to let his little girl go. They were just so happy to see each other again.” Could be rephrased to: Luna had attached herself to Xeno, who refused to let his little girl go. Both had beaming smiles.” Little things like this can make the story feel more active, and let us live the story instead of being told what happened. The cumulative effect of all of the “telling what happened” makes the story feel plodding and is probably the cause of the comments that the story is boring. I don’t think it is, it the storytelling makes it feel that way. That, combined with the word choice errors make the story feel like something written by a young person or someone for whom English is not the native language. It has been awhile since these were written, so perhaps your style has improved in the mean time, and my hopefully constructive criticism is no longer needed. (I do have to giggle at the reviewer who asked who Uriah Heap was. Snicker.) I know that you are no longer writing these. I hope your life is full of delights, and that the personal reasons you mentioned gave way to joy. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Good for Harry. What about the pet? |
![]() ![]() ![]() The anguish of this is devastating. |
![]() ![]() ![]() You know the girl should just have explained and apologized about the pet. Way too late. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Go Sirius! |
![]() ![]() ![]() What a way to learn! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Terrific chapter! Intriguing story. |