|Reviews for A Cold Wind Blows|
| Mapel chapter 1 . 5/6/2011
Yes! Excellent fic.
I never seem to read more than one of your fics at a time, (Because they're good enough that I don't immediately want to overwrite my memory of them with something else) but every time I start on a new one, I find myself glad I did so.
I have yet to turn to Nocturne, because the reviews worry me, but worst case scenario I have to comfort myself with a reread of Dream of the Earthbound.
Thanks for all your time and effort! Your fics are still being appreciated.
| Anime Princess chapter 1 . 10/1/2009
BIrthright? What birthright did Akane steal and why does this Oni hate Akane so much? LOVE this fic!
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 12/14/2007
Ranma had wasted a good thiry minutes
...going to watch Shampoo beat the stuffing out of this moron.'
[Given the sudden change of the line of thought, I’m surprised I didn’t see it end as a question.]
by a continuous barrage of hits from her bonbori.
[I don’t know why they’re called ‘bonbori’ so often in fanfics, as a ‘bonbori’ is a Japanese paper lantern. Look it up on .com, or wikipedia which will include a redirect to its proper name: a chúi, a solid metal sphere used for crushing and bashing through armor.]
and three things became apparent.
[Based on the flow and structure, I think that following this would be a good place to insert a paragraph break. It would make the observations more pronounced.]
It is my judgement that
- to fight with all her heart when she knows she cannot win
[I think that ‘_even_ when she knows’ would better underscore the point Cologne is trying to make.]
No one person can ever fill your life completely."
[Reminds me of a saying: “there was only one perfect person, and you know what they did to him.”]
the loneliness will not tear you at night anymore.
[It will, it will just be a different loneliness, one that is not so all-encompassing. In short: it ‘won’t be as bad’.]
She was more skilled at hiding emotions than just about anyone
[I would recommend a more concise phrasing:]
She was more skilled at hiding her emotions than most
They wouldn't have any more trouble with that luaunatic anymore,
he'd never seen Akane like this.
[Well, she has, just not for so long. She’s an impulsive person, and typically doesn’t hold a grudge. She lashes out immediately or pouts for a few minutes/hours and then is generally over the incident. Not in the healthiest manner possible, but it’s how she works.]
rather than on him as she wanted,
[She never really seemed to _intend_ to strike him. She just repeatedly did as a matter of comedic effect.]
and a katana formed in the air in front of her.
[A katana? Akane always seemed more of a polearm sort of person. That and those are the weapons I can remember her using in canon, I don’t recall her ever using a sword (besides a stolen bokken once).]
knocked her opponent's bonbori into right and left field.
[I don’t know why the fanfic community so often calls her weapons a ‘bonbori’. If you search around online (such as .com, you’ll find that a ‘bonbori’ is a Japanese paper lantern often hung outdoors. The mace weapons that Shampoo wields are chúi.]
Had you never wondered why Amazons don't seem to carry battle scars?
[That’s a good question, which I think begs the question ‘why not?’ Even as separated as most Western culture is from the more combative, honor-bound cultures as it has become, it still retains certain vestiges like recognizing scars as a sort of reminder that ‘I survived’, a scar is like a battle story. A warrior culture like the amazons I would think would value each scar as a mark of honor.]
"This has nothing to do with Ranma,"
[Well, it sort of does. He’s the one who helped create the opening.]
what remains places no value on mercy, or tolerance, or forgiveness, or generosity,
[Reminds me of the Terminator. “It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It can’t be stopped.”]
Together: "THIS IS JUST ANOTHER AMAZON TRICK
[This looks a little too much like a script format. I’d recommend writing the speech tag more like ‘Collectively the others bellow,’]
"..." said Ranma intelligently.
[Since Ranma doesn’t say anything, wouldn’t it be more effective to remove the quote marks and ellipsis and use a speech tag that says something like ‘Ranma’s mouth drops open and he stares, aghast.’?]
concentrated in one of her bonbori.
[Chúi...see note above.]
Shampoo with her bonbori could
[Chúi...see note above.]
No matter how hard she trained with her bonbori,
[Chúi...see note above.]
Shampoo took a deep breath and regarded the fire before her. "KACHU TENCHIN AMAGURIKEN!"
[Based on the Xi Fa Hang Gao, shouldn’t she _have_ to already have mastered the Amaguriken?]
the one secret he'd kept from everyone, even Nabiki,
[Due to her proclivity to blackmail, I think he’d try to keep _every_ secret from Nabiki.]
a recent grave... which the headstone indicated was his own.
[Wow, they must have put a lot of money into it (either that or gone far from the city) for Ranma to get a grave with a headstone. Those are increasingly uncommon in modern Japan, particularly in or near the cities.]
Kasumi gave her trademark sweet-but- not-quite-in-touch-with-reality smile.
[What a very interesting and apt description for her most common gesture.]
The temperature change caused water vapor in the air to condense into a cold mist, and the secret he'd kept so long from the love of his life was a secret no longer.
[Um...canon has been pretty consistent that more water (and generally in liquid, and not fine crystal form) is required to cause the change.]
dumping a pail of water on his head (somehow without triggering his curse - Ranma eventually found out that she had enough control to rinse out the hair without getting the scalp wet).
[Wouldn’t it have been easier to use warm water?]
"Yes," she whispered. "It take Sha... my father's life."
[Since her father appears (albeit as a cameo appearance in the Nekohanten in the manga)...nevermind. It’s not important.]
It made even more sense than she'd said -
[I reread this a number of times and I don’t get it.]
Shampoo, of course, had her bonbori.
[Chúi...see note above.]
She took it, and passed her bonbori to Ranma.
[Chúi...see note above.]
EPILOGUE - JAPAN
and given him to Shampoo as a wedding present.
EPILOGUE - CHINA
he had definitely progressed beyond the level of expertise she'd had with Japanese after a similar time period.
[Of course – he had a very determined teacher.]
I shot fifteen arrows into your backpack without hit you once."
[without _hitting_ you once?]
Unlike his sister, Shakujo seemed to be deriving
[‘Shakujo’...as in the same name as the ringed staff carried by Buddhist priests?]
I added the last section to resolve what was, to my mind, the weakest point in the story. Specifically, the amazing coincidental removal of Ukyo from Nerima at just the same time as Akane ceases to be a viable choice for Ranma.
[I didn’t get it at all, but the rest of the story up until that point made sense.]
Although there were a few fluctuations from the canon I remember, and a couple instances I perceived of weak phrasing, and Shampoo’s weapons were referred to as paper lanterns, I thought this story was quite well done. Though Akane acted differently than canon, the explanation is quite clear and completely believable and I felt that everything was true to Takahashi’s creation.
God bless and happy writing,
| yue no rei chapter 1 . 7/4/2006
wow nice job. that was a fun read for me. ive never read a ranma fanfic before so congrats on being the first
| A True Radical Dreamer chapter 1 . 1/25/2006
What can I say? This is the second best Shampoo/Ranma fiction out there, the best being your own "Dream of the Earthbound". Two thumbs way up.
| nuclear death frog chapter 1 . 6/24/2004
Having started to read this story more than once, and never finishing it, I finally decided I had nothing to lose by reading it. And I find I should have finished it a long time ago. *VERY* nice piece of work.
Oh, incidentally, I have never played that game the technique name is taken from, so the reference was completely lost on me, but I found it very funny regardless. "Golden Bird" could be interpreted as Saffron of the Phoenix people; "Dragon Tooth" could be a reference to Herb's draconic ancestry; and "Holy Flower" could be a reference to the Amazons themselves. A very clever name for a twelve-year old girl to think of. Where this falls down is that in the manga Herb states that the Musk have been around for only 1,400 years, which means that this technique would predate their existence by several centuries. The girl would have to have been a prophetess for it to be intentional. ;)
And yes, I did read the disclaimer so I knew that the above is unneeded.
| Glaciersmash chapter 1 . 5/13/2004
Now, i'm currently interested in Ra/Sh or any crossover character. (aslong as it isn't a boy, i hate shounen-ai or whateva they are called fics.) This is beutifily written, a truly marvelous peice of writing, better than what i could do anyway ;). This is funny as i loved the Ra/Ak matchup for 3 months then settled for any other character other than Akane, i think it is the influence of AnimeAddictions fics, which are better than yours in some ways and not as good in others. Tsis is great, everyone is in character, Ryouga runs like the pig he is and not everything ends happily, a truly wonderful fic.
| Elemental Balance chapter 1 . 2/28/2003
Not bad, not bad at all. I'm a big fan of Ranma/Shampoo match ups myself. I thought it was a pretty deep look into their respective characters. I like it.
| Kura-kun chapter 1 . 2/25/2003
MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE THIS!
Any story that deals a full course meal of GUILT TOWARDS AKANE is my tasty meal for the day :)
(sorry akane fans ))
Write some more as I am currently interested in R/S :D
| Crystalclear1 chapter 1 . 2/24/2003
This is easily one of the best R/S i've ever read. And Nanami's "Golden Bird Holy Flower Dragon Tooth Glory Punch" is a reminder of good times for us Suikoden fans.
| RanmaNoBaka chapter 1 . 2/24/2003
This is pretty good. I think it deserves a sequel though. Not everything is resolved especially in nerima. But. It's a good story even without a sequel.
| TerraEpon chapter 1 . 2/24/2003
This is one of my favorite stories, nice to see it here.
I hope this'll rattle the cages of all those Ra/Ak worshippers.
| funvince chapter 1 . 2/24/2003
This was very good. One of the better Ranma-Shampoo fanfics I've seen. I liked how you got Akane out of the way in a plausible manner without resorting to making her a cariculture. You wrote Ranma and Shampoo pretty well. I do feel that getting rid of Ukyou and Mousse made things too easy but I understand the reasoning. Keep up the good work.
| Kinai chapter 1 . 2/24/2003
I read this story time ago.
I have to tell that I like Akane character and Akane/Ranma pairs. And I have to tell that this story is the best Akane-no-get-Ranma story.
It is a beutifull story. And a sad one. I love it but i dont think that i can read it again.
It is told that if a story awake sentiment in the reader it is a good story. Then your story is an excellent one. And the better of all. All of the characters are In character.