|Reviews for Grand Line Trainer|
| MBS41 chapter 1 . 4/21
I like this story and it’s really different from the actual general story of either the trainer traveling then gets randomly summon my legendary Pokémon then yeeted into a different world or summoned while doing something. I just wanted to know if you would be will to do a MHA x Pokémon crossover story and not one where Pokémon already exist in the MHA world or having Deku or any of the other characters being Pokémon trainers. Like a 14 year old Pokémon trainer that can use Aura and has a partner Pokémon that they always keep out.
| Insane Dominator chapter 3 . 2/29/2020
It’s been a long time since this was updated, but we are taking babysteps to ensure that we get to the next point in time. It was very underwhelming, but given that it’s been a extremely long time since this fanfic was updated, it’s understandable. Regardless, a chapter is still a chapter with its own feats and developments in mind. Individually, chapter 3 has its ups and down, so let’s see what you had in mind after all this time.
When I stop to look at it, I realize that the story just started and we’re still in the mere brink of the prologue. We have a very long way to go, and personally it can do a lot of good seeing these chapters expand a little more within their details. The current details aren’t the problems, but the manner in which you are taking them is very much something to be desired. The POV matter is still there with the shift. I would prefer to keep it 3rd person omniscient so it feels far more professional, plus we can get so many more perspectives out of the way at once so we don’t have “I”.
On the story side, this chapter had a good focus on getting the character out there. With the 1st person, all I remember is that his last name is Grimm. It’s very slow-moving, so not much about him was shown to be attached to his personality. This chapter was all about him gaining powers and testing them out. And even then it wasn’t much to look at. For something roughly 3K, the showcasing of his new Pokemon powers was underwhelming. But, I give you props on trying to bring out momentum for his Mega Punch.
What lead beyond that was the unveiling of the Pokemon being able to speak as such. Like many other fanfics, they have gained the power to speak verbally, so that way we can hear them say words.
Beyond all this, the chapter was relatively short and to that point. We only get a little leeway towards the Grand Line/One Piece universe at the end by going through an Ultra Wormhole.
Overall, the chapter showing off the Normal Plate’s capabilities was only unearthed, so we don’t see much of it at this point. However, perhaps a lot more work could be put into this by expanding the chapter’s range a lot more, that way we can still get more out of the fanfic. Roughly 1/3 of all this was the pre-story disclaimers and dialogue foretell. It’s not easy to say, let alone do, but if you can compact a lot more like 8-11K in a single chapter, it’ll progress at an even further rate. That’s the main problem, so if chapters are coming out, you might wanna think about lengthening them, otherwise you’ll have like 200 chapters.
We’ll see how it goes, but I would like to see a broader base flow with your OC and what he can do on his own.
| Gamelover41592 chapter 3 . 2/21/2020
excellent work on this chapter and looking forward to seeing them getting to know Nami
| Insane Dominator chapter 2 . 11/13/2018
Sorry for the late delay. I understand that you’ve been busy, as have I in our own little worlds, but I’ve taken time out of my day to decide and give you a review that you’ve wanted. I am glad that I was able to come across this again, but please be patient. There’s a lot of things that I can see lead up to expectations and other matters that are to be handled, but you’re foreshadowing possible events that can deter between good and bad.
Grammar-wise, this is where I feel the problem lies. If I am being personal, I feel that you are overextending yourself with all these first person. Normally from my experience, the best course of action is 3rd person omniscient. We get a lot more clairvoyance discovered that way, and that way we don’t feel too personal with this character. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but when you think about it, if you’re stuck in 1st person, you can’t get another’s perspective, and flip-slopping POVs is always so annoying. If you’re intending 1st person all the way, better stick to it, but we will only get your OCs perspective.
So, this story went in a different way than I thought. I would’ve thought that instead of a timeskip, we would see progression in the One Piece world, to see and feel Dartrix and Aquarius grow and evolve there from my perspective. The way you summarized things overall was okay, but the way things have been handled and all, I can feel strongly a lot of semblance to what I feel from my OC.
For example, we see that in the champion battle, he won, but he declined it, saying he wanted to just battle. That something was reflected in my character in my story. I’m not sure if this is intentional or what not, but the scenario and traveling around is too much like my OC. I’ve seen a lot of OCs and their lifestyle by now trying to mirror Nic at this point, so please, try and be aware of how you’re going to go about this.
Anyways, on with the plot, the overall plot is a decent start. We learn that he followed the storyline, and he went as far as the Altar, where Lunala greets him out of the blue. She greets him via telepathy, but he is informed that he has a mission granted by Arceus, and this was all because he watched him and his experience. Again, this is an attribute that happened with my story, so was this also something you intended?
But anyways, he accepts, and he knows his family is doing fine without him, so he goes along with the idea, and he is taken to the Hall of Origin, where he meets the god himself.
Once reaching Arceus, we learn some more truths, and upon his jurisdiction, he chose a new world because of the images that your OC saw. We witness a large scale of Legendary and Mythical Pokemon that are set to make appearance soon, and they chose the One Piece world. Unfortunately, Arceus’ plan backfired, and with them there, he needs Jason’s help in fixing this mess, because he can’t for some reason. I mean, I don’t see how he can’t do it himself, but we’ll see where this goes.
And so, with the human going to One Piece, what matters is ascertaining which of the Plates that must be chosen.
So, overall, I feel that this chapter was okay. There were ups and downs incredulously, and I feel strong mirrors reflecting my own story, which I have grown weary of. There are a lot of keen flaws that are to be fixed up, but otherwise I am holding onto faith that you will figure out these problems and make the story even more original.
Hope more comes in the future!
| Gamelover41592 chapter 2 . 11/4/2018
nice job on this chapter
| Gamelover41592 chapter 1 . 5/30/2017
let's see where this goes
| Insane Dominator chapter 1 . 5/17/2017
Interesting beginning. To make this apparent, this story is a Pokemon/One Piece crossover, which is a double plus. Pokemon is one of my favorite things to play and watch; One Piece is also an amazing manga, and a show I enjoy enthusiastically. And now, both favorite things I enjoy have combined. I am amused with prospects of your OC crossing over to the One Piece dimension, and as far as what I've seen Vaporeon and Dartrix are what shall be his companions for this adventure...for now.
I wouldn't like to assume too early, but is it just your OC and Pokemon crossing over? Or will Pokemon in general be crossing over from all over the world? I am conspicuous to see Wingull and Shellder everywhere in the One Piece dimension. This also begs the question IF the Straw Hat Pirates will perceive Pokemon of their own. This prologue got me interested no doubt.
It is bewildering to know children perishing while on Pokemon journeys, that you've made clear. Many scenarios ranging from natural disasters, to potentially killed or eaten by Pokemon is a very graphic thing to imagine, much so being for someone not even an adolescent. So that's why you established these academies to begin with, and I can sympathize when education will assist you in the long run.
I look forward to how the OC shall be paired, and how Pokemon and One Piece will fully congregate into one another in this plot.