Reviews for The Boy, The Fang and the Gun Re: Incarnate
E.T Novem chapter 2 . 8/19/2017
So…is Endoh a new guy? He strikes out as a virtuous kind of guy but that's all i got.
"With that mental reminder…" I feel that sentence is redundant, but that's just me. It feels quite awkward to have it there. Maybe it would be better if we know a bit more about Endoh's backstory on his unpopular status in school. It didn't feel really impactful or draw any feelings to sympathise with Endoh when he said that no one would care.
But overall it's a not-bad chapter, just that I feel that it isn't a 'wholesome' chapter. Probably because the scenes were only limited to the classroom and corridor that it feels quite short. Looking forward to what you have in store!
E.T Novem chapter 1 . 6/28/2017
After a long period of procrastination, sorry for the late read! It's like you've totally changed the full set of cast and the existing ones had their personalities changed too. I don't remember Kiera being so formal like that that it's a bit overbearing (cheesy maybe?) Not that it's a bad thing but you can choose to tone it down, but that's my opinion. Joshua must've been under The Don before Amato? I guess he had that much respect for the person to hate on the current leader eh. The Doctor Rosalia is someone I'm unfamiliar with but there's not much exposure of her so I can't really think of anything to say about that. It's definitely a huge leap from the original establishment you had in TBTFTG and compared to the previous opening chapter, I thought that this is much better. The opening paragraphs seems to me like a foreshadow of a sort but i felt you could even do without it and the chapter will still flow well. maybe you can push that dream/nightmare to an arc that's relevant to it and it'll make it much clearer for the readers too.
I'm glad you're finally writing TBTFTG again after such a long hiatus and I look forward to Amato's adventures once more!