|Reviews for Détraquée|
| mhcalamas chapter 6 . 7h
I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THEO! “He held her tightly, stroking her hair.
"By the way, if you utter a word about your ludicrous and baseless allegations to Luna, I will kill you."
The usual casual airiness was back in his voice.”
I love him so much!
| mhcalamas chapter 5 . 8h
Oh! I snorted! I snorted and giggled at the Indie fantasy. And then blinking at Theo resentfully, oh that’s just awesome!
My heart hurts for Draco here: “Or perhaps he was too tired to muster any rage. There were deep shadows under his eyes, and his usual pallor had taken on a sickly grey tinge.”—this crappy, horrible, awful year for him :(((
"I stunned your father in the Department of Mysteries last year."
1... 2... 3... 4... 5...
"Did you really?"
"My hero."—FIST PUMPING THE AIR! :)))
I laughed. Right out loud. So stinking hard. All of Theo’s venting about Luna. And almost fell over getting to here: “I'm obviously a complete basketcase because she said that cold water will help repel the somthingswithan'H' that live between my toes, AND I BELIEVED HER."
Theo is gold.
| mhcalamas chapter 4 . 8h
ohmyheart! Merlin, it’s Draco playing that gorgeous music!—“Well excuse me! I was just coming to check on my temperamental best friend – he's prone to poetic bouts of night-time brooding...” YESSSSSSS
OHMYGOSH, Luna! I can’t breathe. I’m laughing too hard...ohhhhhh...
I loved this part so much: “At breakfast, she made it a point to sit with her back to the Slytherin table, lest she make eye-contact with Theo, or have the chance to examine Malfoy, who suddenly had all this depth he had no business possessing.”
And I deeply loved this: “I'd want him to spare me no favours, but to stun me with kindness.”—poetry
I love hearing all of Hermione’s ambitions and thoughts :) I really do. She’s so tangible and flesh and blood in this. Like a real girl i would meet somewhere. Well done. I’m so intrigued with this story :)
| mhcalamas chapter 3 . 9h
This is perfection—"Ah."
Hermione's uncertainty lasted for barely half a moment before she said, "Harry's been working really hard lately."
Yup. Loyalty to Potter above everything; no matter how badly she wanted to throw both him and his book into a vat of rancid flobberworm mucus.”—utter perfection! :)
And this just about sums up the beautiful relationship that is Hermione and Harry: "I don't deserve this, you know..." he muttered quietly, as he hugged her back.
Curse you, you poor love-starved, awful, wonderful boy.”—love it!
I can’t wait to see more of this Theo and Hermione friendship! On to the next!
| mhcalamas chapter 2 . 13h
I do love this: "Professor" Slughorn was a buffoon. A pompous, ingratiating, frivolous fop who completely lacked the air of a convincing intellectuality.
He'd fawned over anyone he considered as having some social standing, much to the bitter dismay of Ron… and Draco Malfoy. Ha. Ron and Malfoy on the same side in any situation meant that the universe was truly bonkers. But then again… she'd never known two other people with such blatant chips on their shoulders…” 1- because SlughornIS a buffoon and 2- because Hermione’s observation of Ron and Draco is very astute!
“And this was why she was so lost when it came to Ron Weasley. For all the grief he gave her, wrecking her blood pressure levels, he also made her feel elated in ways she never thought possible.”— Bless Hermione and her confused little heart—but we’ve all had *that* boy in our life, yeah?
I’m terribly excited about this Theo and Hermione friendship! Very well done!
| mhcalamas chapter 1 . 7/17
I absolutely LOVED this—“Silence. The throng of students around them had all fallen mum. Head still bent, she looked up at Malfoy through her eyelashes. He looked dumbstruck. Flabbergasted. His eyes were wide, lips frozen in a half-sneer. Hermione very nearly lost her balance in the face of his comical astonishment. It didn't help one bit that behind him, Nott's eyes were suddenly alive with glee, as he bit down on his lip.”
Brava! That was brilliant and I look forward to more!
| Guest chapter 43 . 7/15
I came for the dramione, but stayed for the plot. A plot so good, it made up for the lack of obvious dramione action. I’m still unsure if you are heading that way but very eagar to come along for the ride. Really good work, you!
| elacartier chapter 12 . 7/8
Fanfic net won’t let me review 11 again so...
If McGonagall likes quidditch I’m pretty sure she likes cricket too. Just saying.
Theo’s growing realization that Hermione and Draco are a lot alike is hilarious and I still kinda want to know how Draco steals the book. There’s just noooooo way it happens this politely the way Theo claims unless he’s totally uninterested in the book. And I’m pretty sure he isn’t uninterested or he wouldn’t be studying up on cricket and atheism.
I’m pretty sure you’re not gonna hook up Theo and Hermione in this, and that’s one of the things I like best about it. She’s got lots of friendships with different guys and they mostly aren’t built around hating other girls. It’s a lovely fantasy. It reminds me a lot of Tamora Pierce’s stories.
And for 12 proper...
Aragog creeps me out. I don’t like spiders. I can’t imagine being sympathetic enough to stick around that long. I’d hope I could be polite but spiders that want to eat me for dinner are right out.
I like Hermione starting to set boundaries about Ron’s rude behavior. Being friends with a guy needs strong boundaries. The ones that work will vary but they need to exist.
Theo defending Hermione is great. I don’t need to see the confrontation because we get the results and we get his brother pitching a hissy fit over it. It tells a different story that he is willing to get beat up and make out like it doesn’t matter. Showing us the confrontation would come off differently, and is probably a nightmare to script. Too many people, too many moving parts, and it probably would take a lot of diagrams to be able to write it at all. This is more efficient.
Also I adore the way Theo can witter on so long and make a huge deal out of how it shouldn’t be shocking that he’s not a monster. And it’s usually funny. I particularly liked the bit with Draco as an actual dragon.
I also like the way you handle Theo’s complicated loyalties. You’re not making it a good vs evil thing. He is loyal to particular people, and he doesn’t become loyal lightly. And he holds his people over principles. It’s a very neat bit of characterization.
I liked the way Hermione tries to make amends to Padma. And really I’d quite like it if they were eventually able to end up together. Tho I don’t have a lot of hope with the way the story is playing out so far.
The Draco and Hermione book club is hilarious, especially since I suspect Draco is growing a crush off it.
Giving Hermione and Dean real music at school is great. Bonding and dancing is the best.
| elacartier chapter 10 . 7/8
She vehemently scrubbed her orange blossom scented body wash - can I imagine it as 4711? Also I love that you’re using a classic girly scent and not defaulting to vanilla or strawberry or something cliche like that. (Proud fragrance geek here and I can’t believe Hermione would use drugstore stuff that wasn’t unique)
The awful morning after feels very deserved, and I like the way you have music and art quotes slipped in. It’s not a song fic the way I usually see it done. It’s more the way Pamela Dean incorporated quotes into Tam Lin. And you don’t have the cheat she did of a main character doing an English degree so the subtle quotes are trickier. I’m pretty sure I’m not catching them all, and it’s a very fun game to try.
I like the slow death of her crush on Ron. It’s not dead in this chapter or even very close, but I can already see the cracks. I’m pretty sure if a boy described Hermione as “my girl” in this he’s getting punched. She isn’t aware of it yet I don’t think, but she’s never gonna be happy as an object. She’s not a thing, and she mostly knows it.
| elacartier chapter 9 . 7/8
"No," Luna interrupted, "I mean fairies don't like red-tinted glass. They don't like what it does to their complexion." - I really like this perspective. Luna has actually talked to fairies. Not at. She’s listened to what they say. Between this and Ron’s fit of enlightenment later on, I’ve got hopes for how you’re handling magical creatures. You’ve definitely done a good job dodging some of the slavery apologist stuff that shows up in a lot of fic.
"I have a beautiful Lion-head Gryffindor hat, Theo. I'll let you borrow it for the next party - I very much want to see Theo eventually borrow it. Part of what I like in this fic is the deep silliness.
Padma and Hermione’s drunken snogging makes me sad because I know what is coming so far and I haven’t got much hope that Padma finds a nice girl to settle down with. I’m not sure if she’s bi or a lesbian at this point but Hermione’s rejection can’t do her any good. Poor kid. I like that your Hermione isn’t perfect but I’m sure this subplot hurts like burning for some women. Probably beats bury your gays but I DESPERATELY want Padma to get a happy ending with a girl who treats her right.
| YaoFen chapter 43 . 7/4
I don’t have the energy to go into detail, but this story is incredible.
| elacartier chapter 8 . 6/30
You'd asked me about muggle wars and conflict and all that-" she waved her hand in the universal sign for 'etcetera', "- so anyway, I found this book, and, um, I think you'll find it interesting. - actually Theo probably would if his brother hadn’t snitched it while he was reading. And I’d sort of love the outtake of how EXACTLY Draco managed to snitch a book from a bookworm without dying. It seems like every family of bookworms has some kind of elaborate code of conduct around book snatching. So what’s theirs?
The double date thing is adorable. -Neeever happened. - is especially adorable.
The parchment in her hand said: 'Library- tonight. After your stupid party, obviously.' - the thing with Padma makes me so sad. Stupid compulsory heterosexuality. Stupid teenage know it alls. I hate how it ended and I keep hoping that it will wriggle around to something gentler someday. But Hermione is BAD at gentle.
I really like the way you handle Ginny and Hermione not liking Fleur. It feels like normal teenage girl spite at a pretty girl. I suspect with how nerdy they all three can be that they will eventually get to be friends. Especially since Fleur isn’t actually a raving bitch queen. And the distaste for oh god BROTHERS on Ginny’s part is great. I’d kinda like to hear her lecture on proper containment of the various brothers.
I keep trying to decide what is the right style for Hermione’s hair at the end. Haven’t come up with a good one so far. A lace crown braid looks super intricate but isn’t all that twisty. And mostly the really twisty looking buns take longer hair than Hermione’s got as you’re writing her. And the two obvious answers of the Elling woman’s bun or the ovalbun are both fairly unfriendly for curly hair. Tho maybe there’s a way to hack Elling woman to be less hostile. I should look into that.
| elacartier chapter 7 . 6/30
Oh, alright. I wasn't fine. But now I am. Definitely fine."
"I sicced some murderous canaries at him." - this makes me grin so much. I really like the way you incorporate canon Hermione’s vicious and vindictive side. She’s not just sweet in this.
Whaa—how on earth have I not noticed?" he demanded. - Hermione that’s a really polite way of saying because you’re a self involved prick.
And I will not be friends with you either, if you ever call me that abominable nickname again."
Harry grinned. "Okay Herms. Sorry, Herms."
She shoved him into a particularly tacky Rococo tapestry.
"Fucking ouch, HERMS!"
- I don’t usually like nicknames for Hermione in fic. It tends to come off kinda weird. Not out of character exactly but the books are mostly in Harry’s voice and he doesn’t necessarily have an average view or voice. This works nicely to convey that the kids don’t all talk in one voice and that neither Harry nor Hermione are “right“ in how they tell things
I really like that your Hermione doesn’t just pine after Ron or Draco or Theo or whoever. For all that she can be inclined to leave it to the boys to approach her, you give her options. And you’re not treating virginity as a single thing. And it’s not something that can be taken. So for that alone I’d love the story.
(I’m back! I got sidetracked because I got sucked into rereading and then I was having arguments with about cut and paste. But I found my trail and have maybe resolved the quotes issue.)
| SpaceKace chapter 43 . 6/26
Ah! What a sad chapter... again, I knew it was coming, and it makes total sense, but it still pulls on a person’s heartstrings you know! I think you wrote it admirably well. Also good job touching on the terrors of nightmares I’m sure they all had after. War is just so horrific and I can only imagine how it impacts children. I’m looking forward to Hermione getting her parents back and then off to Hogwarts for a bit lighter of a story I hope! Thanks for writing (as always)! Sorry I was so slow to review this one - life gets in the way you know
| Samzie chapter 43 . 6/25
Excellent story! I've been hooked for days reading this! Love your work :)