|Reviews for Champions of a Fallen Age|
| OnePunchFan8 chapter 41 . 8/27
Caught up with the new chapters, hopefully Mipha's not jumping to conclusions...
Hope Urbosa's got her parry game on, she'll need it for thunderblight
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/24
This story is excellent. First read it at the start of this year and now rereading it again. Will there be more chapters added to complete the story? Would love to read on!
| oofy chapter 41 . 8/10
uh...approximately how many more chapters are planned? And I love your story keep it up!
| Silvadic the hedgehog chapter 9 . 7/29
This is incredibly good, I would love to keep reading this over and over! Keep up the good work and I hope the revisions come along smoothly so I can read it again!
| Squeaky floorboard chapter 9 . 6/26
I am currently finished with chapter nine, and so it should be taken into account that my review regards only the chapters I have read so far. This story may well change in the coming chapters, or some of my problems may end up already solved, and as such I would like that fact to be taken into account when this review is read. In addition, my specific preferences may well vary wildly from the rest of your audience. I would also like to request that if you respond to this review, that you not include any spoilers in your response. You are under no obligation to respond.
As of yet, I am quite enjoying your story, but have a few small problems with it.
Firstly, Daruk and Urbosa feel slightly underdeveloped. I feel that Daruk suffers more from this, because he doesn't seem to have much of any conflict going on with him right now. Urbosa, on the other hand, was hinted at having more character development coming up, so I'm hopeful that this situation improves in the future of the story.
I quite enjoy the character dynamic between Link, Revali, and Mipha, though so far it seems that Mipha has the least going on of the three.
My other problem is that many emotional, or character driven moments feel rather sudden. For example, Revali snapping at the children who bad-mouth Link feels somewhat non-foreshadowed, and the scene itself feels like it resolves too quickly. I felt similarly about many of the moments during Mipha's flashbacks that were intended to be more emotional, though this may in large part be due to the nature of these scenes as flashbacks.
My third big problem is the flashback itself, or rather it's size. This Mipha flashback is huge, and rather direct. Because of this it comes off almost like the mid-game exposition dumps found in some larger RPGs, though it is certainly more entertaining then that.
That said, giving us such flashbacks is far preferable to just writing the story as though the reader already knows the past of the character, a common, and annoying, trend in many fanfictions. Also, if you have already established a precedent of doing this for each of the champions once they reach their respective towns, then it would be unwise to change it up, because it would feel jarring if your practice suddenly changed halfway through.
Next, a few small nitpicks, that honestly don't much affect the quality of the story, but they are just things which bother me very slightly.
Naming the wolf midna; being a reference to another game in the series,and one I quite enjoyed, I understand the rationale behind this decision. I, however have never much appreciated how liberally such references are sprinkled throughout some fanfics, because every time I read the name it breaks my immersion to a small extent. That said, your fanfic is honestly pretty good about this. The same criticism applies to naming links home town Ordon, or any other small references I might not remember right now.
Revali gaining the hammerspace quiver; this just felt somewhat over convenient, though it was probably the best choice in the long run.
Despite these criticisms, I am still quite enjoying this fic, and hope that the quality either keeps stable or or a up from here. Also, if you respond to this, I probably won't respond back for a minimum of a full week afterward. I don't check my fanfic account often.
| Moon Storm chapter 1 . 6/21
OMG, I LOVE IT ALREADY! I'm writing a BotW fanfiction right now but it won't turn out nearly as good! This is AMAZINGGGGGGGG and I love that you mentioned both of my fictionkin kintypes (Revali kin and Linkkin) in the first part! The personalities are SOOOOOO accurate and I was shaking with laughter! I'm a superfan so thank you for writing this!
| ArcherAmpharos chapter 41 . 5/30
I originally read this story a while back, before I had made an account here, but I didn't leave a comment before. But now that I'm done rereading it, I'd like to give my thoughts.
The basic premise is great, and I really like how you write all of the characters. Link and Mipha are my favorites (Mainly because of personal shipping bias), but Urbosa and Daruk are great too. And while Revali is still kinda an arrogant jerk at the beginning, he actually gets a chance to develop as a character unlike in the actual game, and I think you did a good job with his backstory and growth. Overall, this story is excellent, and I'll be eagerly looking forward to new chapters, as well as eventually checking out the revised version once that's a bit further along (And once it's been long enough that I want to read the story again).
| Guest chapter 41 . 5/12
For some reason, I can picture Mipha being orange and white and have a bandana.
| The Flare Blade chapter 41 . 5/1
My biggest disappointment with Breath of the Wild was the misleading PR about the story. I was looking forward to fighting with the champions and getting to know them during the struggle to end Ganon, but alas, that was just bait.
Thankfully you were kind enough to give me what I was left wanting for, and boy, it was even better. The game would never enter in this kind of detail when it comes to characters and their dynamics, and this is basically the meat of the fic so it was quite wonderful read.
For the Plateau arc, I think you had a strong start. The cast moved into their key roles easily, and the foundation of how they interact is built nicely (or how they don't interact, in the case of Mipha and Revali). I did find Urbosa to be a little annoying at this stage of the fic when it came to teasing though, but that's just taste I suppose.
What isn't taste, is how you had Daruk react to the idea of eating rock. It's what he naturally eats, it is not at all believable that he would be disgusted by the idea even after a memory wipe. His instincts would tell him it was the right thing to do. I suppose you did it for humor, but still, I would have reworked that part. Maybe have him pick a little snack from the ground and have everyone gape at him before Rhoam shows up to give them a biology lesson?
The intermission between that and the Zora arc was okay, not much beyond an expanded view of the game's events there. Except for Midna's introduction. It was a interesting move, and her perspective is amusing when the PoV shifts to her. A cool nod to the Wolf Link amiibo.
I eagerly await for the revised Zora arc. As much as I like what you did with Lipha here, yeah, it was a little rough around the edges and a little rushed. I feel that when Mipha explained the armor's true meaning, she should have explained she just needed to come clean with Link and understood he was wearing because it was functional (Though in this last chapter she fails at exactly that...). This would undermine the wonderful conflict between the two as they try to repair their bond though, so yeah.
I liked all you did with the past events though, from the Lipha to all the other shenanigans with other characters, and especially Mipha mourning period. Poor thing.
The Goron arc was done as best as it could. Death Mountain's climate, the simplicity of the gorons and the way Daruk is already a developed, aged character limits what you can do a lot. Having Yunobo undergo growth here was a nice call. I still kinda wanted a little bit more of past!Daruk but alas, I feel it would be just boring unless it had interplay with Link or his dad.
Once again we reach a Goron contradiction though, even if it's a minor thing. The way you explained Goron "reproduction" is at odds with Yunobo inheriting Daruk's Protection. At the very least it would need to be a technique passed down from Daruk's family, but the way it's written makes it seem more like a natural gift similar to Mipha's Grace rather than a practiced skill like Revali's Gale. This would be a simple matter of not broaching the subject of Goron babies at all, but if you still want that you might need to rethink the concept.
Rito arc was perfect. You even did something I though the game should have done. Imagine if you entered the area to see Teba being shot down deep into Hebra and had to save him? That would certainly add more spice to an otherwise short arc (if you can call it an arc). I think Medli was a nice inclusion and she meshed well with the cast.
Of course, Revali's past and growth were the stars here. It was a very detailed and cohese way of getting us to understand why he is the way he is, and how he's improving from there. Plus, there was some much needed development from Lipha here between the Revali-focused moments.
Finally on the Gerudo arc, this is still on-going so I won't be judging it much, but it was nice to see Riju's struggle with the situation she had between the Yiga and Urbosa, as well as how we finally have some development between Revali and Mipha. I hope to see more of both after the arc ends! And it was interesting that you addressed how Daruk doesn't really deal with Mipha too much. It's a fair point, he really isn't "equipped" to deal with Mipha's emotional needs.
On a last note, an excellent move from your part to include the dragons and have Dinrall and Farosh be corrupted too. It added something meaningful to the events between each arc, and you seem to have something planned for later if the Ganon/Zelda chapter is any indication. I'm super curious about what that was all about in the end, but... good job with Ganondorf's backstory here. That was not at all what I was expecting from this work but, well, I got it and I'm happy it happened.
I'm eager to read more of this work, good luck on this journey!
| RandomFan chapter 41 . 4/5
I had an idea, this character was not in Legends of Zelda at any time, but I was hoping that you would adopt my idea. A young Zora child, with strange lightning powers. A female Goron with ice magic. A Rito with scales and fiery spells. A Gerudian child who can create tornadoes, hurricanes, and explosions from thin air. These are four who have been cursed, and they help the champions understand why being a true legend is torture. It is not being forgotten, nor is it too much attention, or the danger. The reason why no one wants to be a legend once they understand what being a legend is simple. A legend never dies, they see loved one fall but never get the welcoming release of seeing those who they have lost once more. They go through torture. Immortality is the truest pain, and legends are forced to go through it. Their suffering goes almost entirely unnoticed. Also maybe a Lizalfos who gives up her life to save the champions? Just some random thoughts.
| Guest chapter 41 . 4/4
| Darkstar248 chapter 41 . 4/3
This fic is awesome and I like how each moment of the game is written out with all the champions involved. Like which champions go and tackle this objective and which ones tackle other ones. Such great writing.
| AnnoymousPoet chapter 41 . 4/2
Quite an interesting twist: curious to see what's going to happen next.
...seriously, they're discussing wedding plans at THIS point? Lol.
| Alyssum The Wiz chapter 41 . 4/2
I really enjoyed the interaction between the Gerudo women, although I am sad we haven't gotten to see much interaction between Link and Riju :(
Yay! Mipha and Link are engaged! Or maybe not—? xD it seemed to me that Daruk, Medli and Mipha are jumping into a conclusion that doesn't exactly match with Link's intentions?
Anyways, awesome chapter!
| razmire chapter 41 . 4/2
FINALLY! Link finally 'told' Mipha his feelings. I swear, he's pretty much the embodiment of the stereotypical dense male when it comes to expressing his love for her.