|Reviews for When I Smile Again|
| Hermes chapter 18 . 11/1/2005
I love it!
Aw... PLZ update! (
| hermonine chapter 18 . 9/26/2005
Great story. Keep up the good work and update soon!
| aradonai chapter 18 . 4/29/2005
ahh i read it all and now theres nothing to do... *sigh* keep up the great work
| Invader Kit Membrain chapter 18 . 3/27/2005
| chitana chapter 18 . 11/28/2004
I absolutely love it! it is by FAR the best fanfiction i have ever read! I can't wait for more!
| rdm-snowflake chapter 18 . 10/10/2004
very interesting fic. would like it if you updated soon.
| i-want-cheese chapter 2 . 9/30/2004
o nice very nice
| darkmoon0829 chapter 2 . 11/27/2003
I have to say that this is one of the best Harry Potter fics I have evr read. I'm deeply impressed. There aren't many fics out there that have believable original characters.
I also feel really bad for Millicent, but I think her emotional blankness is very believable. I really like it. Keep writing PLEASE! I would really appreciate another chapter.
You sort of left the last chapter at a interesting intervall with Buckbeak and Draco. Please update soon. _
| Farquarson chapter 3 . 9/7/2003
Another problem lies in her personality. She's been raised by Voldemort; it's understandable that she would be quiet and fearful.
The strange thing is, she rarely reacts as if she is fearful. Most of the time she seems to be almost Spockian in her emotionlessness, serenely accepting all negative opinions about her as true.
I can understand the emotional numbness, but not the serene acceptance. Think about it-this girl has spent her entire life trying to live up to the impossible standards of Lord Voldemort. I can see a child trying to deal with a parent like that, straining for perfection because that is the minimum that her "father" will accept.
The problem isn't Millicent's struggle to be perfect. It's her attitude toward it, herself and everyone else. Trying to live up to someone else's standard of perfection is difficult.
From Learn By Example - A Study of a Mary Sue ( . ) by Brat Queen:
"Whatever it was, really think back to when you had to dedicate yourself to being super good for a reward that depended on how well you did.
"Got the memory? Cool. Now keep thinking about it. What was that time like? How did you feel? What did you do in order to be "good"? What did you do to keep yourself from being "bad"? Did other people know about what you were doing? If so, how did they treat you? If not, how did they treat you? How did you act around both kinds of people? What was it like when you made a mistake? How did you react? How did you fix it? Did you get what you wanted? If so, how did you feel? If not, how did you feel? In both cases, what did you do afterwards?
"Are you starting to get the picture? People who dedicate themselves to being good - especially children - are never perfect at it. They are going to make mistakes."
With Millicent, we never see her struggling. We don't see that some part of her wants to be evil, because maybe then Voldemort would love her, just a little. You don't show her wanting to not have to be what Voldemort wants. We don't see her anger, her frustration, or her secret tears. We don't see her cringing away from teachers or other students or even the talking paintings. We don't see any turmoil or pain below the smooth, emotionless surface.
Instead, Millicent is an emotional blank. Nothing touches her; nothing affects her. She accepts the concept of her own wickedness without a tremor. While in Azkaban, she not only is unaffected by the Dementors, but she also comes up with aphorisms worthier of a sixty-year-old philosopher than an eleven-year-old girl. The only thing that seems to perturb her is that Snape does not love her. She concludes that this is because she was raised by Voldemort. The fact that Snape has not seen her for more than ten years and does not, in fact, know her, does not seem to occur to Millicent-she regards love as something that most normal parents automatically feel for their children.
You have a number of problems with facts (such as the "inferior wand" sold by Ollivander's when, in canon, the wand chooses the wizard). Millicent also has certain Suvian characteristics that leap out at the reader-aqua hair and aqua eyes, for instance.
But the big problems, in my view, have to do with your super-talented, abused yet emotionless character. A main character MUST care about something and let the audience know it, even if he or she hides it from the rest of the world. Caring can be love, hatred, fear, rage, devotion, etc. but a main character (I would say all characters, but there are probably exceptions) MUST have something in his or her life that matters more than anything to him or her. Millicent, at times, sounds almost robotic-as when she states indifferently that she is awaiting orders to terminate herself.
Millicent needs to lose some of her superlative talents and to gain some emotions bubbling away beneath her placid surface.
| Farquarson chapter 2 . 9/7/2003
Before I commence, I wish to state that I am confused by your girl's last name, Ri. You have said that "Ri" was her mother's maiden name. If so, what is Ravena-whom you call Snape's "would-have-been wife"-doing in Patrick O'Sharr's house? He can't be her father or brother, or they would have the same last name. And Patrick cannot be a husband, or Snape would not thinking of Ravena as his intended.
A cover-to-cover examination of my telephone directory reveals not a single person named Ri. I could understand her using an alias-even the English word "Rye" (after all, it is the name of a British town). Ir you want her to use a name incorporating the "Ri" syllable, try Ribeiro, Ricci, Rice, Richards, etc. But "Ri" just looks anime-ish, and incomplete.
That being said, here's my verdict.
You pretty much have mechanics down. There is an occasional misspelled word, but by and large you spell, use grammar, punctuate and capitalize correctly. This should be a given for any writer, but I have found that this is not the case, particularly on the Internet.
However, many things about this girl are setting off Sue alarms. For one thing, she's far, far too powerful at the age of eleven. It's not just that she can cast the Avada Kedavra curse correctly the first time she tries it on a spider. It's more the fact that when she casts the curse on Harry, she not only almost kills him, she very nearly kills half the students in the school. When Voldemort cast the very same spell on Harry, the spell ricocheted off of Harry (thanks to his mother's self-sacrifice) and destroyed Voldemort's body. This would seem to imply that Millicent is considerably more powerful than Voldemort and that she just doesn't realize it.
But that's not the only feat that Millicent performs. She is also a natural Seer, capable of foreseeing the future. She has special wolf-taming abilities that she apparently uses instinctively to convince a starving and/or rabid wolf (the only kind that would attack a human) not to bite her too hard. She has the power of translocation even when unconscious, for she removes herself from the area in which the wolf attacked her while out cold and hemorrhaging. Not only that, but she's as brilliant a student as Hermione, tutors an older girl and skips a grade so that she can end up in Harry's class. Furthermore, she's a gifted artist as well.
It's. Just. Too. Much.
It's not the fact that she has talents-it's the fact that she has so many. And they seem to have been created more or less for the sake of convenience. She happens to have wolf-taming abilities; this saves her from the wolf. She happens to have second sight; this grants those around her insight into Voldemort's actions and reasoning. Nor do her abilities cause any difficulties or misunderstandings, as skills and abilities are wont to do.
| XxMazLeonhartxX chapter 2 . 9/5/2003
terrible. I suppose you will delete this, like you did to your other bad reviews. Before you do, check out this site, they dont seem to like your story either.
| Otspock chapter 18 . 7/3/2003
This story is really great! I can't wait to read more. I must admit, that this is one of the better Harry Potter fics that I have read on . I have no complaints to make.
| Clockwork Plum chapter 18 . 5/3/2003
Well, here, I will flame you, so prepare yourself!
How can Snape be so heartless? It's his daughter after all! It's not her fault she was raised by Voldemort! And if he didn't love her, why did he cry in the beginning?
Please tell me, he loves her, doesn't he? He has a good heart, doesn't he?
Oh, and please, update soon!
| Ivy Crane chapter 18 . 4/20/2003
This is great! Please update soon! So this takes place in 3rd year?
| Ivy Crane chapter 17 . 4/17/2003
This is great! Please update soon!