|Reviews for Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Gravity of Perspective|
| Legion29 chapter 28 . 5/17/2020
The plot it's getting so thicc.
| Legion29 chapter 27 . 5/17/2020
MLG LEET XX_GAMER_XX LEAH WITH THE CLUTCH!
| Legion29 chapter 24 . 5/16/2020
MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THE FEELS!
| Legion29 chapter 23 . 5/16/2020
NO YOU SHALL NOT TURN ME AWAY FROM SAGE X ESPURR THE SHIP SHALL SAIL!
| Legion29 chapter 18 . 5/16/2020
I don't care what happens i'm still shipping sage and espurr the one true ship.
| Legion29 chapter 17 . 5/16/2020
I ship sage and espurr so much.
| Legion29 chapter 9 . 5/15/2020
Let the shipping commence.
| Legion29 chapter 1 . 5/15/2020
Î̴̙̩̫̱̼͎̐̈́͗̈́́̿͗͠ͅ ̴̨̢̣̼̲̦͔̜̙͙̹̤̤̔͊̌̏̉͜ͅT̵̛̼͇̭ ̵̹̫͙̦͉̥̰͖̩̰̪̟̆̋͗͊̚͜͝B̵̧̥̠̫̝̲̟̘͈̮̱̠̓̌̑̌̀̀͠ ̵͔̞͓̯͙̘̠̤̲͇̥͓̪̜̃̍̔̄̆̎̅̀̚Ȩ̸̦̤͚̭̺̤̬͗̾́̿̅̿̈́͗̌͜͝ ̴̧̟́͋͐̎̀̅̂̈́̄̉̋̍͑ͅG̴̰̮̗͉͚̘͉̬͈͚͔̐͒͗̎̄̿́̓̃̚̕͝ͅ ̶̖̽͆̈́͂̓̐̇͛͠Ī̸̟͍̳̠̬̣̝̣̼̩͔̼̻̏̅̏̔͊͑̈̋̓̀͛̚͝ ̷͙̮̯̘̜̞̉̈́́̕͜͠N̶͛̂̈́̈́͒̒̔͐͂̆͜ ̴̨̡͔̗̗̹̦̥͙̝̟̅̌̏̃̅̓̈̋͐͜͝Ș̶̨̧̭̥͎͙͎̬̗̞̯̭͗̅͜ͅ!̸̧̢̛̭̼͙̬̮͎̖̘̟̻̲̫͑̅̄̈́̿̆̾̂̈
| Zion of Arcadia chapter 11 . 4/3/2020
Trying to break out of my reviewing rut. Last time we talked you told me to read up to chapter 11. Which I did, before never following up with a review, because I’m lazy and bad. Still, many months later, here we are. I noticed you seem to have done some editing, which is nice. I know this is pretty old and you’ve improved quite a bit, so I just marked down some things I noticed that I figured could help you in future pieces, as well as general comments. Hope it helps.
-There were a couple times where you utilized direct address without proper comma punctuation. An example:
["I'm Sage. Nice to meet you Leah," I said, flashing her a smile.]
There should be a comma before Leah. Also, if you notice you use direct address often, it’s something to consider cutting down on (or, cut out the dialogue tag, as one or the other usually clarifies the speaker). Other variations of direct address would be:
“Leah, it’s nice to meet you.”
“Hey, Leah, nice to meet you.”
-I like the way you write Pancham. He probably shines the most for me out of any of the characters, other than maybe Espurr and Leah. Very distinct and his dialogue fits your natural voice.
-A lot of Sage’s asides in chapter 4 and onward were amusing.
[I glared at them [the vines], in front of me, almost taunting me. I'm gonna learn how to use you. Just wait.]
Little moments like that were a nice touch and good use of mental narration. A lot of the time his narration is just describing events and lacks any sort of personality, so this was a nice adjustment.
-The rapport between Sage and Leah (and Sage and Espurr for that matter) feels solid. There’s a lot of good back and forth, most of it inspired by the game’s dialogue, but little touches like Pancham putting down Leah and Sage coming to her defense help add more depth
-Sometimes the dialogue feels stilted. Like when Gabite showed up, or sometimes when Sage speaks (or thinks). It’s pseudo-elevated and it’s a touch distracting.
[Her attempt at indifference was convincing, almost entirely hiding her anxiety.]
-Moments like this are a little odd and come across as straight up POV breaks. Maybe show her anxiety instead of telling us. Something like, “Her tone was indifferent but her paws kneaded the ground.”
-The cut from ‘we’d better find him, or we’re screwed’ to ‘we’re screwed’ was hilarious.
-The escalation of Leah and Sage’s fight in this version was well done. Him feeling helpless due to his type advantage, and bringing it back to Deerling earlier, was also really nice.
-I almost wonder if you did too good a job at making Leah unlikable here, though. I think if Sage had been at fault too it would’ve been more interesting (and I mean, he kind of is, he didn’t have to follow Leah). It just makes the conflict feel a touch contrived because Sage is beating himself up over a fight Leah instigated. Guilt tripping doesn’t make me want to root for a character.
-Espurr calling Sage silly feels very out of character, personally.
-Was the bit with the log breaking in the original chapter always there, or was it edited in? For some reason I don’t remember it at all. It’s weird to me that Leah attacked Shelmet instead of Leah, though, considering Leah instigated yet again while the other two seemed interested in backing down.
-Nice title drop
-I wonder if Sage’s anger issues will be explored in more depth. He seems to get real pressed pretty easily.
-I’m glad Leah and Sage lost the Beedrill fight. It felt a little too easy the way he was rolling through enemies. Gave it a bit of stakes, and weighted Leah’s decision to come and help with real consequences. Although Budew’s solarbeam did come across as a touch convenient, but eh, it wasn’t all that distracting.
-I mentioned Sage’s anger issues, but the fact that he did most of the apologizing when he genuinely did little to nothing wrong is weird to me. I did like their reconciliation scene overall though.
My memories of these first eleven chapters are a little foggy, but it feels like you paced things much better and added several new scenes that weren’t there before in this revision. I like them a lot more. Nicely done.
| rosescientist chapter 36 . 3/27/2020
This an absolutely lovely story. I am thoroughly engrossed in the world, and the writing does no disservice. You’ve expanded upon original SMD wonderfully well, not degrading or bending anything. Keep up the good work!
| Damariobros chapter 36 . 2/17/2020
Oh goodness, I hope that Sage remembers to tell them about what he found and about his suspicions about Nuzleaf! I really do.
Also, Sage and Espurr are so cute, both in their interactions and in the images my mind is producing as I read this!
| MagicAngelo chapter 2 . 1/27/2020
Hey hey, Goat! I think I promised a review a long while ago, but I only managed to get to it now. Better late than never, right?
First off, I don’t have much to say about the prologue, except that it helps to set a rather ominous mood right from the get-go. Having played through Super once, I’ll make a venture to say that the mysterious duo are probably the game’s duo, from before the events of the game? There’s no way to know for certain now, but unless there’s going to be a huge twist down the line, I’m sticking with my theory.
And onto the second chapter, where we finally meet the protagonist. Right off the bat, the prose makes Sage’s thoughts about everything rather analytical. It certainly separates him from the typical PMD protagonist, and it was what drew me into the story in the first place. I personally do not mind the purple prose at all, but I can see where it can get a bit much at times. “... but I couldn't call upon the events that lead to this knowledge” and “My head on a swivel...” were the first ones to come to mind, since it’s possible to shorten them. Since I did mention that the prose makes Sage sound analytical in nature, the wordy observations get a pass from me. But it would help to perhaps trim some sentences down to help the story flow better.
Onto the actual (chapter of this) story itself. Again, I don’t have much to say on them, this time because it’s pretty much an adaptation from the game, except for the dungeon tutorials. It would’ve been nice to see Nuzleaf trying to show Sage the ropes in one, but given that the wake-up scene and the beheeyem encounter were quite long as it is, maybe it was a good thing that the dungeons aren’t featured in this particular chapter. I like the moments of Sage struggling with his new body — highlights being his first time with the vines and not being used to running as a Snivy — and his frequent “Is this real?” thoughts. They really hammer in the fact that he’s completely out of his element here, and that all he can do is to depend on the one sane Pokémon he managed to run into.
That’s all I have to say for the first two chapters. Not much, but I wanted to review your story and try to get back into the flow of reviewing other people’s stories again. I hope you liked this review, and please take care! :)
| SparklingEspeon chapter 36 . 1/17/2020
Review of Chapter 36
It's been a while since I last flicked through this story. I remember enjoying it a lot, even if I thought it had a bit of a purple prose problem at times (But Miner, Zion, MJ, and pretty much everyone else under the sun have already shredded that to tiny little pieces so even if I sort of agree with their criticism I won't harp on it).
I wish we could have seen the interrogation scene between Mawile, Jirachi, and Krokorok, but I can see how that wouldn't be possible due to the first-person nature of the story. I wonder if Sage wouldn't have tried to eavesdrop on them, though? He mentions that he was bored and sitting on that seat for what felt like hours (And must be if the ever-hyper Leah fell asleep), so I'm surprised that he didn't try to listen at some point. But then again I can also see how that might not be in his character to do, so... IDK?
Perhaps it's because I wrote her as extremely strict, but I'm surprised that Mawile takes Espurr's out-of-nowhere joining of Team Prism so well. That doesn't seem like the kind of thing you can just walk in and *announce* without approval first, and I would think as the second-in-command at the Expedition Society (?) Mawile would have wanted to hear about something like that in advance.
I think it says something about Leah when she can ask if Krokorok was tortured so casually.
So another thing that I want to go over is your worldbuilding. You introduce several different things in your prose/dialogue that could go off in interesting directions, but you also keep them in the background instead of exploring them much. Some things just aren't important (Like the fact that Lively Town has a working sewer system), but other things, like the fact that 'east' side of Lively Town seems to be held in much higher regard than the west side, intrigue me, and I wonder if the fast-paced nature of the story doesn't force some of these things to the wayside. There also seem to be ferals in the sewer, if that woobat wasn't like a guard or something; which is interesting.
I *can't* believe that I'm about to say this, but I think that the way you handled Krokorok's overall speech patterns is tasteful. It makes sense that someone/mon of his overall demeanor would have a less-than-savory way of speaking, but you take the time to drop them in fairly instead of peppering his speech with swears like every five seconds, which I'm grateful for. He seems like an authentic thug, for the most part.
I can understand the human-based swears, since that's just something that most people aren't going to bother noticing, but I think it's a bit strange that the pokemon play poker, an unquestionably human game. Unless this story is confirmed to be like post-apocalyptic human society-based, then wouldn't they have a different game for gambling? Like maybe battling each other and betting on those battles? Or a gambling card game based on pokemon types? Obviously we never get to *see* their gambling ring so it isn't important, but I thought I'd point it out just for the sake of knowing.
Something clever I noticed is the scene in which Jirachi looks out at the moon and remarks that it's brighter than it should be. It's an interesting way of showing that the planet is getting closer to the sun since moonlight is reflected sunlight (But also since in the game it was implied that Jirachi would stare straight into the sun with super-large telescope of his, which must have been murder on his eyes). It makes me wonder if the moon would travel with the planet, though? And what would be affected by the planet moving off-orbit in such a drastic way and pulling the moon along with it; tide-wise?
After they enter the air vents, Team Prism (I'm counting Krokorok as an honorary member for this chapter just for the sake of convenience) reaches a spot in the air vent that's one large climb up, nd there's apparently no obvious way to reach the top. They eventually reach the conclusion that Espurr must lift Sage up with her telekinesis so he can reach the vent. Then, later, all it requires for Sage to reach Leah (Who is about one foot high) is Espurr lifting her up manually (Espurr is *also* one foot high). If Krokorok is the tallest of the group, then then why doesn't *he* give Sage a boost so that Sage can reach the top with his vines? Why did they resort immediately to Espurr? Did they just not think of it? I'm confused...
There also seems to be a minor inconsistency regarding the Expedition Society and the Lively Town Police. If the Expedition Society are solely cartographers, then they have no business getting mixed up in the affairs of pokemon like Krookadile's mafia. If they *do* work with the police, then krokorok's comment about 'clout' makes more sense, but it still doesn't explain why those high-caliber rescue teams from Mist rendezvous at the Expedition Society and not the Lively Town Police Station, if the Expedition Society is below them in status. One possible explanation that I came up with is that Lively Town was sort of built up around the Expedition Society, which would explain why they have that large castle-like building in the middle of town and seem to be highly regarded in Lively Town but not other parts of the world. Either way, I thought that might be useful to know.
You talked about there being a major departure in these chapters from the plot of the game, but I'm not really seeing it? It might be because I haven't played Super for a while, but the departure seems like the owner of that office is spying on them. Which is interesting, but it looks like you're already setting up to stick the story back on track with the trek up Revelation Mountain (And presumably the betrayal scene that happens after that).
Weird Speculation: It seems that you're setting up for Nuzleaf to be the Betrayal Character (Like he was in the game), but now I'm wondering: Since you had Espurr join Team Prism and Nuzleaf just has no good reason to go, it makes me wonder if you're setting up Espurr to be the Big Bad instead. I commented in the last review that I left how she seemed to have more street smarts than her canon portrayal did, and she did stick with Sage more than Nuzleaf did during the village arc. She's also the only pokemon who's fought the beheeyem and won (Which might have been staged), she encouraged Sage to leave for Lively Town when the obvious smarter choice would be to sit back and tell the adults of Serene Village to be on-watch for Sage's Pursuers, and she also left Serene Village despite being a child and conveniently arrived just when the Expedition Society needed a little push in the right direction. She has no familial connections to Serene Village, which means that she very well may have popped up fairly recently and networked herself in so that she could be there as a 'friend' for Sage when he popped up. IDK if that's where you're going with it, but it's looking like it *might* be that divergence you were talking about? Especially since you won't be able to return to the canon plot verbatim without Espurr's help...
I think that you've improved upon your prose in this chapter. It's not as wordy and there aren't as many large words and weird sentences in this chapter that there have been in the past. The only one I noticed is this: ["It would be Leah who eventually broke the stupor by raising a paw and tracing it in the air."], which might read better as ["Leah eventually broke the stupor by raising a paw and tracing it in the air."], but aside from that there wasn't anything else that threw me off prose-wise.
Overall, this chapter itself was interesting to read, less for what it contains and more for what it *hints* at. Why are all those photos in the office Team Prism breaks into, and who does said office belong to? will there be consequences for the Expedition Society's second and third obstructions of the law? Is Nuzleaf even the evil one? This seems like the setup chapter and the eventual hook, with all the divergences/payoffs happening in the chapters to come; and in that regard it works very well. If this was the divergence in its entirety, then... I'm not really seeing it? But it was fun to read anyway.
I know that you're busy and might not be able to update in a while, but I'm still looking forward to the next chapter of this story!
Listening to: Escape From the Farm - Bear McCreary
| MUILucario chapter 1 . 1/1/2020
When is the next update? This is a good story, TheGoat.
| MadderJacker chapter 17 . 12/11/2019
Seventeen chapters in and I’m still uncertain about Gravity of Perspective. There have been a few moments that I genuinely enjoyed that I’ll get to in a bit, but I only started to feel hooked into things in the last chapter or two.
I think it’s the main characters. I just can’t get myself all that invested in Sage, because it feels like he can do no wrong. He’s arrogant and brimming with attitude, and it doesn’t feel like it really gets acknowledged by the narrative or the cast. Aside from ‘Smugleaf,’ which is a friendly nickname more than anything. He’s standoffish. He’s better than just about all the other kids his age, and they take to him real quick, except for like Pancham and Shelmet, and event that started to change. I thought that everyone started to like him because it was a small town and he was the new kid, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
Honestly, I would fully believe that the people Sage is closest to became his friends because of plot reasons. Leah because of the main character/partner history, and Nuzleaf and Espurr ‘cause they’re supposed to be evil or something. Sage didn’t demonstrate the charisma or qualities to make me really believe either of the girls would be drawn to him, except for Leah’s wild curiosity, but even that feels like something that should eventually fade were it not for their pasts.
If I’m harping on Sage too much, then I’m sorry. I don’t have much to say about the plot since it’s staying pretty close to Super, and I feel like you’re well aware of your purple prose at this point, so I feel like I have the most to say about him.
But I should probably talk a little about the scenes I did enjoy. The resolution to Sage’s and Leah’s dispute was heartwarming and added needed depth to their argument, and I saw a more positive glimmer to Sage’s character. I had hope for what he and Leah could be. And in a later scene, when Sage was chewing out the rest of the class (even if it didn’t entirely feel earned), I have to admit that it was pretty cathartic to read. And the most recently read chapter as Sage prepares to leave the village was admittedly touching when he went to talk to Espurr.
I’ll get back to Gravity of Perspective eventually, and it might seem unfair that I’m stopping right as you’re starting to change things up, but I feel the need to take a break if I’m being honest. You kept in the same issue Super had with its slow beginning and pacing. I can see the argument for trying to establish the village and the main characters’ friendships with the villagers and therefore making his departure more tragic, and while that’s absolutely true, I just didn’t really feel Sage’s connection with them to make it impactful for me. So… in short, it feels like I read a very long prologue to when the story actually begins, save for the scenes mentioned in the previous paragraph.
Let’s see, miscellaneous comments… The “meat” of the dungeons went by in quick summaries, without lingering too much on the act of exploring or the potential hijinks (like when Leah got lost and Sage had to go find her down a dead end), so hearing about how capable Espurr was and how Sage was learning things was very much telling instead of showing. And your title drop was not exactly subtle. I’m looking to see when you try to explain Contrary, because it makes absolutely no sense here. And… I guess the fights felt pretty forgettable, save for the Beedrill and the Beheeyem which both had high stakes.
Every writer takes a while to hit their stride, so I won’t hold your early stuff against you. And I feel like right around here you’re starting to get somewhere with your story. I hope to see how you’ve grown as the story starts to pick up, and it’s safe to say that I have higher hopes for the second arc of the story.