|Reviews for Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Gravity of Perspective|
| MasN2 chapter 21 . 7/5/2018
I've actually decided to stop here, one chapter short. When my laptop reaches 20%, the screen dims, I don't like it, I feel the need to rush through the story, and the story doesn't deserve that.
Anyways, I'll keep this review short. I liked the chapter. I like how each of the introductions quickly gives depth to all of these characters in so short a time, and sets the setting. I like how these are being done instead of being stated. I like that we have a 'break' from all those action-packed chapters.
And this ends my second burst. Ten reviews just like the first, just distributed among ten chapters instead of eleven. I'll probably do the third burst later today. See you then.
| MasN2 chapter 20 . 7/5/2018
I enjoyed how unprofessional the expedition society turned out to be after all that build-up. Also liked the "food machine broke" thing. Worth a laugh, and not too out of place.
No good deed goes punished, huh. Awfully convenient for them beating the Krokrok to happen to get noticed. And again, too predictable. pls.
Question at the end, not too out of place, but not too amazing either.
In any case, not much for me to say. Chapter was well-written overrall, so I'm left with little to point out.
Laptop has 24% battery, but imma go and recharge it soon. For now, should be enough for 2 more chapters.
| MasN2 chapter 19 . 7/5/2018
Wow, fireball into luminous orb is clever. More of the natural cleverness, and less so the combination attacks and such the author uses to make the character -think- that they are clever. That you don't have to explicitly spell out how clever it is as it happens is proof of that. Definitely deserves a compliment.
Nice comment on the "anti-progression vibe". Definitely makes it relatable to the real world.
No memory of being human, yes knows Arceus as a god. Interesting.
"every fiber of my being" "bonded by undeterred friendship" for more examples of overly flowery language. I'll stop talking about this, because I'm repeating the same thing, and I'm sure you get my point my now.
I personally hate it when my parents give me the same advice multiple times. "Jeez, you've told me already, there's a REASON I'm not following it." I hope I'm not doing the same to you. Though I've mentioned it so much because it only gets -really- annoying after the thirtieth time after you've already said ten times to not be told again. But I digress.
At the town now! The jab at the LGBT was out of place here. I get how ridiculous they can be, and I don't mind a jab at them, or anyone, given the right place and time. This is not the right place and time for it. RIP immersion.
Very unnecessary, and again, predictable to do an act of heroism the moment you step into the town, as especially with this convenient an opportunity. Maybe you want to hammer in the fact that the protags are heroic. Please don't. Do it subtlety. Do it with elegance.
And we're at the Expedition HQ. The doubts are again predictable, but this predictability is not bad, unlike the last. As this is logical, and natural. Not contrived.
..yeah, long review. For just one chapter. Long chapter, but not as overengineered as 12. Could break this up, but it stands fine as it is, as far as pacing goes. I think I do three more, then take a break then.
| MasN2 chapter 18 . 7/5/2018
Words. Again, not much to say. Well, I'm not concerned about the village being able to catch up. They'd have to go all this distance, and use the same path.
Words. Again, flowery. But at the very least, it does it's purpose of blending together the regret of leaving the village and the beauty of the wilds. I like that. I want to see more of that, in stories in general. ..if only that could be done without relying so much on large and extreme words. Here, at the very end, there's "perfect serenity", for an example. Like a few scattered instances of words like that I'd have no problem with, but here it's sprinkled all over.
| MasN2 chapter 17 . 7/5/2018
My comments on flowery words. I've said it before, but fits even moreso here. I guess words are better than just narration, but if only there was a way to convey emotion without relying so much on them..
Anyways, I'd think them free to just run away earlier. Who would be able to stop them?
Back to the words, I guess it comes down to making the emotional moments feel more cheesy than it need to be. But I'm not a good writer, and I can see how what I want would be hard.
Aside from that, despite all the things the chapter has to say, there's not much substance. Nothing else to comment about. So I'll save my comments for a later chapter. I've covered everything here.
| MasN2 chapter 16 . 7/5/2018
..hmm. X. R, W, X. The three letters I was thinking of at the end here, and I only have a tangential idea why.
But this is a review, so I'm supposed to start at the middle and end at the beginning. Err.. Start at the beginning and end with a comment. Um, something like that.
The big words at the beginning again. I don't know why I'm commenting on those so much. I read them through, perfectly fine. Understand them fine, don't make me slow down. But those are there, I guess.
Liked the way Nuzleaf tricked the Hippotas.
Reviver seeds have limits, I see. No idea whether for better or for worse.
Climatic battle, yada yada, I evidently can't give useful advice on these because I hate them all, even the good ones lol.
I liked the ending, but the tone change was perhaps slightly too abrupt.
Almost halfway through..
| MasN2 chapter 15 . 7/5/2018
Can't help but notice the big words at the beginning. Again, not jarring, but smaller is better. Even if I'm understand the big words second-nature.
Yeah.. Espurr's power. Unconditional telepathy is powerful. Information is power.
Can't tell whether "Please stay safe." is espurr's message or sage's.
More about the Beehemyem. I don't have much to comment on it. I don't make judgements, and I don't play favorites. Let the story go where they will.
And the ending. Thoughts. I like thoughts. Again, the thoughts here were too cliche/predictable, but that was really my only complaint.
Which leaves.. 18 more chapters. Might stop a bit earlier today until I some some rest, then continue. Dunno.
| MasN2 chapter 14 . 7/5/2018
I also happen to be a bit more tired than I usually am when reading, but just a bit.
What to say?
Another instance of self-sacrifice. Expectable at this point, but not jarring. So there's that.
TBH leave pancham and shelmet with the ghosts. Seems really bad to charge in at this condition, especially with who for in mind.
And Espurr still offensively powerful.
At least great explanation for the ghosts. Better than some generic villain thing.
Slightly awkward that the children are defeat these massive threats,t hen getting lectured. Breaks immersion a bit.
..yeah, this review comments are short. Tired. Should be understandable.
| MasN2 chapter 13 . 7/5/2018
Much better pacing on this chapter.
Can't make a mystery dungeon interesting? (Without causing problems with power levels) Then just glossing over it is a nice way to not bore the reader. Maybe some would complain that it's going too fast, but I like it this way.
The fear of ghosts is nice depth, the thoughts were nice as well. I'm starting to gloss over these more because the chapters are getting longer and those are minor details, but having the minor details like that definitely helps the story.
And there's the setup for next chapter. Speaking of "next chapter"..
| MasN2 chapter 12 . 7/5/2018
Guess who's back.
..and man, what a chapter to walk into. So long. That's not a compliment btw. I'm happy that you've been producing this much content, but this is just too much ground for one chapter. Split it up.
I take it that you are still following the railroads. But I forgot this part of the game, so it's going to seem somewhat fresh.
The part about ditching class but not getting punished for heroism is overdone, but w/e. I'm not caring that much, I guess..
At the end of the chapter, there's a pretty clear hint that Sage's ability is Contrary. Which happens to be Snivy's hidden ability.
Team name.. not too inspiration, but I've seen worse. Just hard in general to come up with a good team name.
And so levels exist. Oh.
I'm not being that detailed with this chapter review for all the content in it, but there's always more, and I want to get through a bunch of chapters today. Besides, I think I hit most of the important parts, and should hopefully be useful enough to you.
| MasN2 chapter 11 . 7/4/2018
These chains. One miracle that Leah arrives exactly the time he did, another the solar beam timing, another that it happens to actually be enough.
Some people find it suspenseful. Some people find it elegant. My opinion is the opposite. It feels contrived. It breaks immersion. The unexpected.. is predictable.
I'd say more, but here's the short of it. Some audiences love it. Those audiences are not me. And no matter how much I despise it, I'm only one person, so do what you will. That's just my opinion.
And then there's the getting-back-together. Let's face it, this was inevitable. The timing clearly has to be now. It's also predictable. I'm an enemy of predictability.
But let me say this. It was satisfactory. Not stellar, like some of the writing you did. Too cheesy, too flowery in the rest. But still, it's not the worst. It's satisfactory. And that's more than can be said of most. If there was a story that was satisfactory all the way through, I'd read it all the way through. I wouldn't favorite it, but I'd read it. And your story is more than satisfactory in some parts. Keep going.
If the 3*11 hint, or the talk I gave here wasn't enough, I'm stopping now. Not because I have to. I could read this all the way through as I wanted, and it's taking twice as much time as it usually does now that I'm reviewing this chapter. But I'm pausing. You see my review for a third of your story so far. What parts of my review were useful? What parts would you rather have me not say, and what do you want attention on? Perhaps later I can make my reviews more useful to you. I see you are offline on discord. I know that you'll come back.
Until next time.
| MasN2 chapter 10 . 7/4/2018
..and here's the title drop. One reason why I'm going through fanfiction is to find wisdom. But they all come in tiny bits and pieces. I wish to see more. But wisdom isn't exciting, it isn't to attract the crowds, and in high enough concentration means that pokemon might not even be nessasary to tell the story. Stories don't do it heavily, and for good reason. Nice to see that nugget here, but to have more.. that's my job, not yours. Continue telling your good story.
Well, damn. Going alone. I always find heroic sacrifices as somewhat OOC/cheesy/contrived, but at least you gave a good emotional context for the protag to put himself in this position. That's more than most fics. *clap*
Fun fact of the day: the prime factorization of 33 3*11
| MasN2 chapter 9 . 7/4/2018
Actually a combat which I liked. Again, not the exposition. I'm against combat exposition, but that's more me than the fault of the story. Heck, that's more me now than me when I first started reading.
So my praises. What can I say. Everything happened logically. The closest thing to OOC was Leah saying "Try me." But aside from that, the protags curb-stomping Shellmet and Pancham, then Leah not attacking is exactly what would make sense to happen, and also the consequences thereafter after the battle.
Contrast of a description of blood into the more "childish" concept of adults being blind to what all happened, but each is self-consistent in its own way, just not that much together.
But not going to fault anyone for that, because this entire genre is being pulled in two ways. The child in us, and pokemon. The adult in us, and our experience of life. And this way is definitely the most exciting combination. Even if it's wrong, it's wrong in the right sort of way that I'm happy if you kept it.
If I have anything critical to say, it's combo attacks. These are more anime in style, and tend to lead to power creep. Forwards!
| MasN2 chapter 8 . 7/4/2018
Yay, exploring the repercussions of the last chapter. Convenient that it's the psychic that wants to help, instead of the other way around. (Damn, would you imagine if espurr was one of the bullies? But that might cause problems in the games too, if those were written out in detail)
I guess I might as well put it here, because this story is looking like it's starting to pick up. The title, "Gravity of Perspective" resonates with me. I place importance on gravity, and place importance on perspective. And I love how the use of the word 'of' there changes the meaning. The title doesn't fit the story yet, but I'm sure it'll come in due time.
All that said, that was just me waxing about the english language, not the story. As for the story, I love how the end gives a sense of potential trouble for the next chapter, without having to use words to do so. The context is enough. Into it!
| MasN2 chapter 7 . 7/4/2018
Praise for this chapter. The first sentence grabs the reader like the last one, but without sacrificing the flow of the story. And the ending was great. I'd praise which parts I like, but you know how good you've written that, don't you?
..well, it doesn't fit with the cheesy moment last chapter, but that was more the fault of the last chapter than this. Maybe you planned for this sudden reversal, but I still think the last chapter's ending was a mistake.
Also, there's this semi-unrelated thing I wanted to bring up for a boring chapter to fill this review space, but this one is evidently not the one.