Reviews for Rent-A-Vampire
Guest chapter 32 . 3/19
I liked the story but boy there was a lot of days going to the bookstore, eating and sleeping. Thanks for writing.
Renee Aubin chapter 16 . 3/18
Ha ha, poor Mike:
‘"He didn't upset me, Edward."
"He took away your cookies," he said. Admittedly, that was a little disappointing.’

"Do you think you will ever accept what I am?" he asked.
My throat was dry. "I've accepted the parts of you which matter most."
There are SO many ways to interpret that statement. I’m going with the non-pervy version, which really could be true and would matter to Edward.

All right, damn it: ‘…Edward said, slowly rounding the desk without releasing me from his gaze. He reached down and …’
got some envelopes out of the drawer? Really? Well, at least Bella notices how “spellbound” she is.

Ha ha, Bella re chocolate: "Everything about it draws me in.”

Well, whaddaya know? “…by refusing to see what you are, perhaps I've not really been seeing all of who you are."

Interesting observation in Bella’s dream about talking to Charlie, re why he never changed the house after Renee left:
"Did you think she'd come back?"
… "I hoped."
…"You're no better at letting go of someone you love than I am."

A funny and yet intriguing response to Bella’s tears:
‘He began to lick all over my cheeks until I was torn between laughing hysterically and crying out in disgust.’

Aww: ‘ I filled page after page of the notebook with memories’ of Charlie., and ‘for much of the next few hours I did nothing but smile.’
Renee Aubin chapter 15 . 3/8
Good one:
"I suspect [Alice] thought she was helping me to embrace the new world order."
I turned my head. "What new world order?"
He sniggered. "Clearly, I'm not the only one choosing to ignore it."

Poor guy. It’s easy to imagine canon Edward reacting just like this:
"I did not ask to become fashionable," he said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. …. “Nor did I consent to be outed.
Emmett, on the other hand…

Good Lord, that portable breakfast - that’s service! Beats the hell out of tomato soup and grilled cheese (imho).

"What do I smell of?"

Somewhere between cute and creepy that he’s so antsy – one assumes because he plans to get that dinner tonight?

Good point that Edward would find living with a silent mind (among other appealing features) “a pleasant change” from the Cullen gang.

Clever: ‘Edward had gotten me a little hot and flustered but Mike had brought me the kind of instant gratification that could be had in public.’

Wow, Mike really IS delusional: “All these years, you've been a shadow of the person you should have been and just when you're coming back to me…"
But if he’s been dogging her since high school, a bit of proprietary feeling is understandable.

Oho! “…he's mine now and I'm keeping him!"
And of course Edward heard this.
kezcullen chapter 30 . 3/4
i love your humour- it is so dry and sometimes sarcastic. it makes this bella so much more engaging- i always felt her character the weak link in the canon- and dont get me started on the film version.
kezcullen chapter 17 . 3/3
some of the allusions here to the canon crack me up.
i am really liking what you have done with the ghost characters especially.
Renee Aubin chapter 14 . 3/2
Smile: ‘Perhaps I should have been embarrassed at falling asleep on his lap yet again. Maybe I should have felt some shame for molesting him while I was there.’
And yet, it sounds like, she actually fine with it. Plus it works!

Smile again: ‘I didn't feel remotely guilty for the mess I'd made of his pants because he had made one too.’
When he said he wanted “more” I wasn’t thinking he’d settle for dry humping, but hey, for these two it’s progress.

This definitely sounds like Edward: "I want too much, Bella. Much more than I can have."
And as usual she lets him get away with being vague.

OK, OK: ‘ I was only just coming to accept the loss of my father some seven years after the event, so there was little hope of me suddenly believing in the supernatural after a mere three weeks in the company of a supposed vampire, was there?’
Sigh, I just have to be patient, I guess.

Oh, this is new! ‘I was done with being static.’

What a strange conversation with Mrs. C!

Yikes! Alistair “fed from me one too many times."
I hope Edward doesn’t know this story. And yeah, a really interesting question about why Alistair never turned her.

Cute: ‘Mrs C disappeared, literally, along with the bank deposit.’ Although it leaves me with a picture of the bank deposit floating along in midair a la Topper.
MujerN chapter 5 . 2/25
“Cup of tea?” LOLOL
MujerN chapter 3 . 2/25
This is fucking hilarious. Great job. Can’t wait for the journey.
Renee Aubin chapter 13 . 2/22
She’s still trying to find her stride over Charlie.

Ha ha: ‘There was no point in buying brand new clothes if he wasn't going to look after them properly.’

Interesting difference in your scenario: ‘He could go out – after all, the existence of supernatural creatures was well and truly out in the open so he didn't have to hide…’

I do enjoy your Edward’s droll sense of humor: “ I can mind the store and keep Mike company when he arrives."

Angela is fun too. "The Huntsman found you anyway."

At least Bella is thoughtful about him; standing up for him with Jacob and then: ‘I'd left Edward on his own with half the store bathed in sunlight… He'd be dazzling all the customers and hating every minute of it.’

Ooops, she finds out about his super hearing and thinks about what she’s done in the shower.

Huh, I hadn’t thought about it this way: ‘ The only way for [Jacob] to create another wolf is to father a child and wait for it to be of age.’

Oh now this sounds like fun: “True stories of the ancients. Many still walk this earth and some now admit visitors to their castles, exhibit their art collections and encourage scholars to use their libraries."
I wonder how many of them are in European royal families?

So I'm confused - maybe Bella is too. His clothes get damaged because he doesn’t take care of them, she defends him against Angela’s concerns about vampires being dangerous (but says nothing to imply he isn’t really one), he apparently feels obligated to put on glitter as part of the performance, but she doesn’t question his super hearing. Well, she is just getting started with accepting the supernatural is real. Apparently it’s only real in patches.
Renee Aubin chapter 12 . 2/17
Aww: ‘My father's house in Forks was empty and so was I.’

Well-crafted conversation between Bella and Mike, where she’s talking about her dad leaving and he’s talking about Edward.

Hmm: ‘Mike didn't know about my dad because I hadn't told him. I hadn't told anyone.’
I hadn’t thought about what an isolating secret that would have been to live with for 7 years.

Yeah, I’ve been in some of those Pacific NW downpours where you really can’t see across the street, or more frighteningly, a car length in front of you.

Interesting observation from Edward that for once Mike was genuinely concerned for Bella, with no ulterior motives.

I liked that Edward telling the sad parts of his own story allows Bella to let him comfort her about Charlie. This is so true:
“It's perverse really. We hold on to them so tightly, we can't feel anything but the pain of losing them. Once we let them go, we find them everywhere…”

Well this MIGHT be progress: ‘And for once, I did not try to explain away his story.’
Renee Aubin chapter 11 . 2/10
Interesting that Bella accuses Charlie of never having told her. He’s having none of it – as he says, she was there for everything. Do you imagine if he’d been explicit, it would have made a difference to her?

OK, three months of catatonic Bella – sounds familiar. And I chuckled that Harry Clearwater came up with the idea if seeing if Bella would respond to Charlie. Hmm, so Charlie is very clear that he was only doing this for his daughter, not for some need or desire of his own.

A well imagined goodbye to Charlie. Sniffle.

Very interesting:
"I'm not the virtuous person you think I am. I don't look past the surface because I'm non-judgemental, I look past it so don't have to see it for what it is."

Wow, this was surprising: Edward’s family “haven't just disappeared off the face of the earth, they've blocked my personal finances."
Maybe they didn’t want to make it easy for him to walk away from Bella?

Ha ha, Emmett was jealous that Alice’s “client” chose Edward over him. Apparently Rosalie isn’t the only vain one in that marriage.

Interesting detail about having Edward drink some donated human blood to fit the red-eyed stereotype.

Creepy thought from Bella: "Were they playing a game of a chance with my life?"

Good use of this line: "Can't you just thank me and let me get on with it?"
Only he’s talking about managing the household, a little more prosaic than saving her from a van.

Well at least she’s finally recognizing how much he has looked after her. And ha ha, who’s this “we” that are nearly out of toilet paper?
Renee Aubin chapter 10 . 2/4
Nicely done, “the trouble with living a lie” starts out being about Edward's "act", but then…

Hmm, even Charlie recognizes what Edward is.

And Edward is so thoughtful – although insistent – in his reveal about Charlie. Did not see that coming!

Wow: "Then one evening, I came downstairs and walked into the lounge, and there he was, sitting in his recliner watching the ballgame."

And after that Charlie didn’t interact with the physical world, advising Bella what to do rather than doing it himself. Aww, and he can’t leave Forks and can’t pick up the phone.

So sad: "Because to accept that the supernatural exists would mean having to accept he's dead, Edward, and I can't. I won't. I don't want him to go."

This explains so much about Bella’s incredible ability to deny the evidence of her senses.
Renee Aubin chapter 9 . 1/27
Good for her:
"Do you have anywhere to go?" I asked. He shrugged. "Then it would appear we're stuck with each other."

This is not good: ‘He did almost everything he'd done the previous Monday but with less than half the enthusiasm. … But whenever there wasn't anything for him to do, he stood or sat motionless, silent, empty.’
Like she really has no access to him at all.

Wow, from Bella:
"You don't do love?"
"No. Love consumes and discards. I learned that at an early age and I don't want that for myself."

Huh, how interesting that the rest of the Cullens pulled the same disappearing act on Edward that they all did to Bella in canon. And Edward doesn’t like it any better than she did – although he didn’t even get the goodbye speech.

An interesting detail, when Renee left Charlie: “Even using his contacts in the police force, he had been unable to trace her until she was ready to be found.”

Sweet: ‘I snuggled closer and closed my eyes, breathing him in. I didn't want him to leave at the end of the month – or ever.’
But of course she doesn’t say it out loud! She (apparently) also isn’t explicit that she misses him feeding from her.

Leave it to your Bella, upon seeing his sparkly skin: ‘The man had obviously put a lot of thought and effort into his presentation…’ She apparently fails to notice his running speed, too.

"I like that about you," he whispered. "You might be in denial about what I am, but I suspect even if you weren't, you would still see past the surface."
Finally, they recognize something positive about their weird dance around each other.

Aaarrggh: “The things you've done, the way you've acted, it's almost as if…"
But then real people have conversations just as fragmentary (and chicken) as this all the time.

Whoa, this is a big reveal: “I've never sucked a human's blood and stopped – until you."

Thank you, Edward, for being honest:
“Boys and girls had always been attracted to me physically, I knew that, but none of them were interested in me as a person. Now, with the added allure of knowing what I am, I have become no more than the most desirable of accessories."
I was starting to wonder how much he had ever tried to get to know any of “them”, but as a mind-reader that wouldn’t be necessary.

Huh, I’m a little surprised that she didn’t already figure out that he wasn’t exactly a voluntary vampire-for-hire, after finding out that everyone in the brochure is family, and they’ve all absconded. But maybe that’s not fair since all of your readers would have recognized Alice.
Renee Aubin chapter 8 . 1/21
Ha, that’s a good way to get rid of Mike. Takes a strong man to be unfazed by a menstrual cycle.

Well she’s beginning to admit to herself how she’s affected by Edward, at least.

An interesting twist on after-care:
‘Where was Edward? He usually took care of me after feeding from me.’

Aww, it’s so sad when Edward goes from hopeful that she’s “beginning to accept I am what I say I am?" to her abrupt confession of how he came to be hired. Particularly harsh that no one else in the brochure was available, so "You didn't even pick me."

And then he all but ignores her unexpectedly sweet “I would have picked you”, and insists on torturing himself by knowing which of the other men she would have gone for first.

Oh my, he says “I’ve been duped” – what did Alice say to HIM?

Good use of “as if it never existed”! So Alice set up the whole business just to bring E&B together? I can imagine her trying out any number of scenarios and deciding it would take six weeks for them to work through both of their shut-down exteriors. The whole thing must feel pretty humiliating to Edward.
LovingTruth chapter 4 . 1/20
Lol, this is cute. :)
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