|Reviews for In the Eleventh Hour|
| TheFreelancerSeal chapter 22 . 2/18
Well, that went about as pleasant as it could I suppose, the meeting of the royals. They might as well be in-laws, given the reception both sides got. But I think that's exactly how they would be on any of the paths, except Revelation if they were forced to interact in a way not on the battlefield. It definitely has an air of tension. I admit to thinking, "don't anyone blow it" but especially Takumi, given how prickly he can be. I also grinned when Camilla pinched his cheeks. I mean, I pair them personally, but even so, I just think it's funny how she can fluster him so much, the poor pineapple.
The scene with Beruka and the shrine maiden was really well done. I thought it was quite vivid with just the opening description, and I have to say, even though she really doesn't feel much, I kind of felt for her there. I'm not a parent, but I can imagine being scared out of my mind at the thought of something I'd be no where near ready for. I definitely get that impression from Beruka. She's scared and, for all intents and purposes, alone. Niles may help, but I don't see him giving her the support she'll undoubtedly need. Sad thing is, she doesn't trust anyone with this, but then again who can she trust? It's quite the interesting dilemma for the both of them.
| Sabriel41 chapter 34 . 2/13
You write tavern scenes and battlegrounds with equal skill; I like these quieter moments, and the chance to hear things from Ryoma’s perspective is interesting, too.
My heart breaks for Odin, a little. He’s an odd duck, to be sure, but seems to be getting the short end of things. Definitely intrigued by the return of his brand...
| Guest chapter 26 . 2/13
Ah, Ryoma; don’t you know that swears are usually the first words one learns in a foreign language? Defenestration is a fantastic choice for a favourite word. Xander continues to impress. I really enjoy how you write him, but I worry that he still has that chain, especially as everyone heads into battle...
| Guest chapter 23 . 2/13
This is an unabashedly addictive story! Your characters are compelling and thoughtfully written, and I can’t wait to see where they go next. (Camilla, in the last chapter, made me chuckle; I’ve an older sister who she reminds me of. Your central trio have pulled at my heartstrings and I’ve cheered aloud at times for their victories. Peri in particular seems a challenge to write well, but here, she is. And now, with the Hoshidans added to the mix, things only become more interesting.)
Thanks for the great read!
Sabe (who is too lazy to sign in.)
| Daisysmartheart chapter 34 . 2/12
Oh god, all my poor babies! Nooo! (BTW you are amazing and we don't deserve you.)
| TheFreelancerSeal chapter 21 . 2/9
Well, moving along, this was a nice re-connection chapter, having them all meet up again, and after the lengthy battles they just went through to bring down Sanjiro, they sorely need one.
I enjoyed the meeting with Kagero. It's short so I don't have much to say, but it was still enjoyable to read. I could just imagine Peri being pleased about delivering the news that she killed him. I can't help but wonder if Kagero's praise will set her back again. She's still learning how not to kill, at least not indiscriminately, and now she gets praise for it. Yeah, we both know he had it coming, and she can't be held at fault for doing the deed. Still, with her mind, I can't help but wonder if she'll end up getting things mixed up again.
The argument between Selena and Laslow was quite the read. I honest had to go "aww, poor guy" when he said Frederick wouldn't mourn him. Maybe I'm not reading it right, but I was just thinking how sad that sounded. And then when Selena said his real name out loud, I was thinking, "you might want to zip it, girl." It was still quite interesting to read, especially through Xander's eyes. It's honestly quite sad that the one person who is really the only friend he has can't open up to him, but I know Laslow has his reasons. I did start to think "uh oh" when Peri watched them hug. I mean, yes, Laslow's heart really belongs to Peri, but given her own tendency to snap, I worry about her getting jealous. Not sure if anything will come of that, but you never know. Well, you know, but I don't. Moving on now.
The moment with Xander and Camilla was also nice. I really like how you write those two. It's very sweet watching these moments between brother and sister. I also like how you write her. I like that you also address how aware Camilla is about her...feminine aspects, but you don't do it in a way that doesn't really do anything. I think that's true of her character, given her backstory. I'm sure her mother probably used her own charms to obtain advantages, so it makes sense Camilla would do the same. But I like that you still keep an interesting dynamic to her character, so she's not just the eye candy. For me, the big thing is still the dialogue between her and Xander. It sweet, but there's definitely some hints of sadness, and if I may say, world-weariness between them. I think it really shows how much Xander and Camilla lean on each other. Yes, Xander keeps himself distant because of his role, but at the same time, it's clear he can count on his sister. Likewise, Camilla can fend for herself, but I think it shows that she knows she can turn to him as well. And maybe, I'm just reading too much into it, but still, it was a really good bit of dialogue between them.
Well done. I look forward to what happens when Xander gives Laslow Olivia's chain.
| TheFreelancerSeal chapter 20 . 2/5
Well, tired as I am, I just couldn't resist one more chapter, and I'm glad I did. Don't expect a real thorough review. In my current state, I'm lucky I can even think.
That was quite the tense battle scene. I was sure you wouldn't kill Peri (yet anyway), but that didn't make it any less tense. I'm glad that Sanjiro is dead. From what little I've seen of him, I've already grown to hate him, so props for that. The rest of the chapter up until finding Corrin felt a tad long and slow, but I think that's what you were going for. Even if you didn't, it actually worked because it let us feel the exhaustion creeping into Xander, Peri, and Laslow. With all that fighting, I'm sure they're all going to need a long soak and a good sleep. I think Camilla could spare her brother the tongue lashing until after he's rested, not to mention Corrin. But with Camilla, I think she'll just squeeze her sister for a while, quite literally. Still, can't fault her big heart. But I digress.
I also liked the bits of humor woven in there, like with Xander remarking how his mother is rolling in her grave. I don't know if it was intended for humor, but I got a laugh out of it. I'm also sensing he's got something more than just brotherly affection for Corrin. I mean, I doubt you'd go that way, seeing as he does view her as a sibling. Still I thought I picked up on a little vibe there. Time will tell though. I did also think it was an appropriate touch, him wondering if Corrin might have been assaulted. It's a bit raw, but considering, it's natural that he'd worry about that as well.
All in all, this was great. I enjoyed it, and I'm still enjoying this story. And I'll get through it, even if it takes me until Doomsday.
| TheFreelancerSeal chapter 19 . 2/4
I'll get there, sooner or later.
This was another great chapter. It almost had one of those life-passing-before-one's-eyes feel to it, with Peri remembering first meeting Xander then having that little encounter with Laslow. The first was really good, and I admit to feeling a bit sad when Peri talked about her mother. I mean, I know her backstory already, but the simple, "she isn't" really speaks volumes, so way to cram a lot into those two little words. I remember seeing a video where someone broke Peri's character down and said that she was just straight-up a villain, and with little nuance in-game, she can definitely be seen that way. For the record, I don't. I still see her as a frightened child who just wants the world to make sense again, and unfortunately, she doesn't know how to do that. But I digress.
The second moment with Laslow was really sweet, even if she was too drunk to make it romantic. I did find myself going, "aww" when he scooped her up. I've probably said it before, but there are quite a few pairings in Fates I've become attached to - Corrin/Felicia, Takumi/Camilla, and Xander/Hinoka. Well, I can definitely say Laslow/Peri is one of them.
That last scene was excellent, not that the others weren't. I think Peri is finally learning something about killing - sometimes, it needs to be done to protect those you care about. Where once it was about her own boredom or the impersonal enjoyment of it, now she has a reason to fight and even kill. I'd say she's about to get a lesson that will probably get through to her better. Yeah, she's kind of reverting back to her old ways, but in this case, she really can't be held at fault. Laslow's remark almost reminds of what happens when someone ticks off the Hulk - it's about to go down and go down hard.
Great job as always.
| TheFreelancerSeal chapter 18 . 2/4
Well, I find myself with some time to kill, pun not intended. I was going to try writing, but that didn't work out yet. So, I decided to read, and it's great to keep going again.
I must say, if Peri didn't have a job as a retainer and a fighter, she could probably do a bang-up job as an actress with that performance. I'm surprised their captors bought it, but I guess she did a pretty good job. I do actually like the look through her eyes, a bit of that internal struggle, wanting to let the beast inside just run loose but she's trying to keep it restrained for Laslow's sake. I like that bit of growth to her character, and I think with him she can make it. That being said, now might be the best time to momentarily forget it.
I also like how the struggle picks up right after the battle, her fighting to remember that even these men have families. Granted, this time, she can't be held at fault for killing, but she's not yet learned there's a time and place. I do like that Peri even seems disgusted with herself. While I'm sure she's not there yet, I do think she's on that road to moving past delighting in death and bloodshed.
And then it hits the fan right at the end. I tell you, seeing Sanjiro reappear, I'm genuinely worried for the three of them, Peri in particular. He's not about to let her go on living. I think you really gave us a look into that sense of fear she's experiencing with him coming. Too bad she couldn't have found some keys or broken the chains on Xander or Laslow. She could use the help right now.
Well done. Well done as always.
| Plum'oh chapter 33 . 2/1
I am truly speechless. This is a wonderful piece of work, one of the best that expands the relationships between so many characters while retelling a story we already know. The events are unfolding in a logical order, there are consequences and effects, everything flows neatly and never seems boring or at a halt. Your characterization is just amazing, the Xander trio is my second favorite of the game and I love the voices you gave them, especially the relationship Laslow/Peri. It feels very real, the emotions the characters are experiencing touch us and we feel with them. The scene in the forest was so well done, so poignant! I also want to say how much I enjoy reading dialogues between the royals, be it Xander & Camilla, Xander & Hinoka or Camilla & Hinoka. All the subtle hints they throw at each other, the polite but sharp words they use, it's all so good ahh. I particularly love the Xander & Hinoka development, I don't know if you intend to make it a ship, but as it stands now, it's a strong and reliable friendship.
The Awakening trio is fantastic as always. The trust between them is unbreakable, their bond is so deep and integrated in them, everyone looking at them knows right away they are very close. Their usual banter is perfect, it gives them a familiar feeling and I can only guess it puts them at ease to behave that way. Frederick as Inigo's father seems to leave some really bitter aftertaste, I can't wait to learn more about it. That being said, Laslow is going to give Xander an earful when he gets his chain back...
The fighting scenes are also stunning! So vivid, precise without doing too much. I like the fact you added the game mechanics, like the axebreaker stance and the weapon triangle. And thank you for killing Hans so early on! That guy needed to be killed, I can only hope things will be a little bit smoother with him out of the picture, since Iago doesn't have his guard dog anymore.
Keep up the good job! :D
| Anonymous chapter 33 . 1/24
AND ODIN DARK WITH THE TOUCHDOWN!
| Ally Nicole Rose chapter 33 . 1/24
Great chapter! You write couples really well and the chapters about them are some of the best. Once again, great job and keep up the good work
| The Pencil of the Gods chapter 33 . 1/22
Two thumbs WAY up for this chapter. I'm still a bit apprehensive about the implied Hinoka/Xander pair - I love it, but the manner in which Xander deals with his lingering affection towards Corrin could complicate matters.
Still cute together though.
In any case, Selena and Odin is such a good pairing, even way back when they were still Severa and Owain (their S support in Awakening is particularly adorable) so it's nice to see Odin finally get off his behind and do something.
Also, Hinoka saying "Ryoma, watch my shit" gets me grinning like mad no matter how many times I read it.
| Daisysmartheart chapter 33 . 1/22
Found it! Was looking forward to a happy chapter and is that a reference to Into A Walled Garden I spy with the marriage alliance or just a possible alternate reality?
| Shadow152 chapter 33 . 1/22
Man the little moments of fun like this chapter are so great. The drunken best couple of Laslow/Peri, Odin finally confessing, and just everything with Xander and Hinoka... Never stop, friend!