|Reviews for The Spider|
| Swaggerboy chapter 98 . 9/22
| Ahfucjcb chapter 98 . 9/22
Just realized how long it’s been since the last chapter, hope you’re doing well.
Thank you for all the time you spent sharing your work with us!
| XIII The Wandering Paladin chapter 1 . 9/19
This is a full review of what I’ve read of this fanfiction. Anything I say in this comes from a fan of the source material and personal preferences, since this is just a review I will try my best to be polite about this.
First things first, this needed a ton of grammar work. Like a lot. More than just slapping it together. There are words that aren’t even words, typos for words that shouldn’t even be typos, and other things like avoiding capitals in some sentences, especially dialogue. It’s kind of a mess, and if it does get better later on, then I’m impressed. If it stays at this quality all the way through, then maybe it’s time to go back through and take another look.
Second things second… oof. Okay. So taking into account that this is a Self Insert, there are some things one must account for. And well… let’s start with the elephant in the room.
The time placement just doesn’t work. You, the author, have come into Peter’s body in the middle of High School, when it’s established that Peter acts a certain way. You have essentially murdered Peter Benjamin Parker and hijacked his body, but NOBODY acts like you’re any different?
The reason why Superior Spider Man works is that everyone KNOWS something is up with Peter, and the changes made makes them wary of him or even have nothing to do with him. Especially with the May and Ben you based yours off of, they’d notice right away something was wrong about their Nephew.
The only thing you’ve kept of Peter’s is his smarts. Which also brings with it a heavy amount of research into what he does to make it sound convincing. See, with comics, I’m sure it’s a lot of comic logic, but I can hardly believe he can just make new web fluid without some really hefty equipment. (Like a Centrifuge.) And well, if you have ‘Well he’s a genius!’ As your excuse, with any amount of writing there has to be some level of research into AT LEAST the basic mechanics of the thing you’re working with.
Also, not to mention how you handled poor MJ. Now as you’d probably see in my own fic, MJ isn’t my main love interest. Not that I dislike her, but what you did with her in this? It’s inexcusable. So with this… SIPeter, he’s initially friendly to her and she’s friendly back, but the second she gets more friends than SIPeter?
“Waaaaahhhh! Wahhhh! She’s like all the others! Fucking WOMEN! WAAAAHHHH!”
Not only that but she tries to apologize, but you're so butthurt that you can't even hear her out.
Like, dude. Her world and life doesn’t revolve around you. And well, since Felicia is on the chopping block… god I know what you’re gonna use. You’re gonna use the Spider Thirst to it’s full effect to have all the smexy times you want. Which again, is fine if you actually have a coherent, well thought out story.
But you don’t. That’s the sin here. To cut this short, I will be reading this laughing at how freaking stupid it is. I don’t know how this even got popular. Also, here's the thing about Batman...
Batman had years and years of training to get where he is. Years of growing pains, too. Year One, The Long Halloween, The Batman? All of which show a younger, more inexperienced, and angry Bruce Wayne. The main draw to him you missed the mark on entirely. It's not his skills, it's his humanity.
Also the railway hangar? Seriously? It's not private anymore, move somewhere else. Also yeah, great job on trying to handle gangs and more serious topics with the maturity of a wet noodle. And then you drop in Kingpin, which is fine. But Daredevil just randomly putzes in, and is barely a character!
Don't even get me STARTED on the 'training' and 'Muscle Memory' that's not how either works, Kendo is a complicated discipline taking years to master and complex footwork to achieve. And you breeze right though it without a struggle. I get that this is a power trip but dear LORD pump the brakes.
Muscle memory is doing something you once did a long time ago, and your muscles remember the motions you do. It's not an instant download like you're making it out to be here. It's remembering what motions the body has done before with any long dead activity like playing catch or swimming or riding a bike.
I'm sorry for such a long review, I just felt that this needed to be said. I won't be dropping this story, but my frustrations with this thing have been bothering me. I hope you go on to do some killer stories, just this one though is... Something.
| Mark Anthony chapter 17 . 9/15
| Sungum chapter 29 . 9/11
Pathetic, just because he helped people he thought he wouldn't be hurt like that? He's a clown. I'm ashamed of him.
| niggers hater chapter 98 . 9/10
Fuck pussy nigger! That's how you think like a real black-skin? you're going to prostrate and beg to your mighty masters and kiss our foot like stray dog Trying to beg to got a house.
Good, I can feel your lust. I am pantsless. Take your dick. Strike me down with all of your lust and your journey towards the bitch side will be complete!
| smartisha101 chapter 29 . 9/10
I think they should brake up. Peter always gives and Felicia just takes. He give her tech and expensive things, he introduces her to other important people, and she just leaves him for something better. Their previous argument exposed her jealousy over his powers. I feel like she is using this mission as a chance to one up him and do something he hasn't, especially if she can keep him in the dark about it, she uses revenge for him as an excuse. Peter deserves better.
| Sungum chapter 18 . 9/10
Nice pun, fourth wall.
| Sungum chapter 17 . 9/10
Really? He had to have his identity exposed to them? Especially Liz Allen?
| Sungum chapter 16 . 9/10
I was right
| Sungum chapter 16 . 9/10
You've mentioned the name "Jean" twice now. I guess this is how you introduce the x-men and the mutants
| Sungum chapter 8 . 9/9
Didn't know ant man lived with Peter lol
| Sungum chapter 7 . 9/9
Did this fool actually just use his spider suit? My God, for all of his intelligence, he's incredibly dumb. Like he knows black cat is observant to an incredible degree (thanks to her nightly activities). And he knows she sees him upclose while fighting. She can and will put a 2 and 2 together about him. He should've made a costume similar to it but with some differences.
| Sungum chapter 6 . 9/9
Honestly, I enjoy reading your novel, even with all the things I don't enjoy at all, like the parts with mj. His interactions with other characters from the dojo, the ff, and others is smooth and enjoyable. I would love to have an in depth talk about your novel. Do you have a discord account or server?
| Sungum chapter 6 . 9/9
To be completely honest. Black cat works with Peter much better imo than any other person. Especially mj.