|Reviews for The Egyptian Tournament|
| Flare Phoenix chapter 8 . 9/17/2006
I recently talked to Sdrive and found out from him that this fanfiction was written before the memory saga came out. So no i do not believe that Tsuki/Dedi is a Mary Sue per say but I do think she has a quality of a MAry Sue and that is the fact that Yami found her appearence arrousing. Now I know that men are basically perverts but have you ever seen Yami ever even glance at a woman? I know Yugi has gotten embarrassed before like when he first met Mai but i don't recall Yami ever finding any woman hot or arrousing. (I guess he was too preoccupied with finding his lost memories). Personally I felt that having Yami do that made him seem very OOC.
Anyway, from talking to Sdrive I do not believe anymore that your character is a Mary Sue.
Another thing, I can't speak from experience but I don't think that a straight girl would stare at another girl's boobs and say "Man they are so big...". Again Mai and Tea seemed a bit OOC in that scence. Mai would never make a joke to Tea about her Breasts never growing any bigger, nor would she draw any attention to her own. I know she has pointed out how good she looks but i cannot picture her saying something like "These babys dont garauntee happiness" She has more respect for herself then that. It seemed obvious that this scene was written for the pleasures of the author (Invader Shuan I would assume) rather then for the purposes of the story.
Also I don't think Mai would give one of the items, which were needed to get into the finals, to some stanger that she had just met. For one thing, despite all the changes Mai has gone through, she is still relatively selfish. She will repay a debt to someone as long as she doesnt lose out. Like when she gave Yugi 5 starchips because he won her's bac against Panik. It was only because Mai had 15.
And when Mai gave her Glory of the King's Hand card to Joey so he could duel, she did that after she had lost and didn't need it anymore. So you see, she only helps people out, if she can do so without losing out herself. And she especially wouldn't give a stranger something that would weaken her chances of winning the tournament just because Tsuki had lost one duel.
A quick tip, you don't need to tell us EVERY card that a player draws, has in their hand and on the field. I know you've mentioned somewhere that you have to because you can't show the cards like the show does but the show doesn't even show every card in a players hand. Most of the time, a player will lay down a trap card and we won't know what that card is until it is finally activated.
Like when Yugi/Yami dueled Pegasus, Yugi drew a card and placed it facedown and we had know idea what it was. It wasn't until Yami finally activated it that we found out it was Dark Magical Ritual. No one is going to complain if you don't tell us every card in both players hand. It adds more mystery and excitement if you leave us hanging at some points. Like if someone is going to lose and they pull out a trap card that they had facedown.
Please don't take this review as a flame because it is far from it. To be honest, this fic is far better then most of the other YGO fics i have seen on but of course, there are some things in every fic that people are going to like and that other people aren't going to like.
If you want to discuss, rebut or just blast my head off for my review then feel free to private message me.
Sorry for my last review, as i explained above I was unaware of the time this fanfic was written and the knowledge you possessed on YGO when you wrote it. Hope you can forgive me for that.
Hope to hear from you soon
| Flare Phoenix chapter 7 . 9/17/2006
Not bad so far except for one thing.
You OC character Tsuki/Dedi is a Mary Sue. Are you aware of that?
| dragonrider90 chapter 40 . 1/7/2005
That was the best story about Yugi and his pals that I have ever read! Keep up the good work.
| dragonrider90 chapter 14 . 1/7/2005
So far I have found the egyptian word for fire. it is sedjet. thats it so far hopefully I can find the other names somewhere
| megan3c chapter 22 . 9/16/2004
Oh my gosh, this story is so good!
| megan3c chapter 17 . 8/29/2004
Ah! Mai! *cries*
*in awe* How in the world do you do these duels?
| megan3c chapter 9 . 8/21/2004
Very exiting duel. Had me worried for a moment...
| Tina Ichijouji chapter 17 . 8/18/2004
... You might find it intresting to know that in the Manga, Pegasus kills Bandit Keith after his duel with Joey near the end of Duelist Kingdom. The guy at least half dersves that to happen in the Anime too after pulling this stunt... Well I like this so far! Off to read the rest of the story! -
| megan3c chapter 3 . 8/17/2004
Excellent story. *hurridly presses button to go to next chapter*
| Lobomon chapter 40 . 7/8/2004
Your story is long/ but it rocks. But whoa Dedi and Yami make out a bit to much. And what was with them having sex. And What was with Yugi and Tsuki together. IT makes perfect since now. But what was with Bakura and Athena together? You should make a sequel to this story.
| J-Bird the ultimate Duelist chapter 40 . 6/29/2004
HOLY SHIT! (sorry about that) it was good u should keep writing! :) o.o
| Migushcra chapter 40 . 6/20/2004
Great story, it took me forever to read though. Oh well, it was worth it. Keep writing.
| No one chapter 12 . 6/1/2004
I just wanted to thank you for the heads up about the R rated part. I'm glad it's not essential to the story and anything that you need to know will be explained later on. Thank you!
| Danzing in Doubtz chapter 1 . 3/12/2004
hey! i just read this chapter ehn thought it was great! from whut yer reviews sayin this is an awesome story! i still need to read it though! okae! on to next chapters lol
| Guest chapter 40 . 3/2/2004
AWESOME! That's on of the best stories I've ever read on ! The duels were amazing and very intersesting in the way you updated the characters' decks with new cards. (being a duelist myself) Both of you (Sam & Shaun) have great writing ability! You are my favorite authors! I can't wait to start reading the sequel!
P.S. If you couldn't tell, this is my only review for this story since I read through the whole thing well after the sequel was written.