|Reviews for Breaking the Game|
| sharingankakashi007 chapter 8 . 6/29
I do wanna see the end though
What happened to Taylor?!
I do wonder
And wild hunt~~
It fits... I guess
He has minions... But they're all pretty much mastered...
Will he ever consider talking to someone
Or maybe even having a friend?
| Guest chapter 2 . 5/29
First you are 8, a few paragraphs later you are 12, then you bring race into this, never mind being such a Mary Sue. Wont be reading further.
| Guest chapter 8 . 5/26
"Breaking the Game" also knows as "How Third Entity Won With Minimal Effort"
| Zero Rewind chapter 1 . 5/18
"Electrocuted*" "Deprivation*" Might want to consult a dictionary.
"Over time,*" "Right now,*" "though,*" "However,*" "So, I died." commas are important.
"Even I can't live off of* only dreams."
"I had been on my computer;* not too surprising for those who knew me." Semicolons are your friends.
"I spent* some time mourning the loss of my electronic companion." You've already set the normal tense of what happened to your character as the past tense.
And that's just half of your first chapter.
You realize that it's a simple matter to run a basic spell and grammar check, right? You just look for the green and red zigzags under your words, and you actually try to read your work at least twice over to make sure there are no inconsistencies.
I'm not saying the story as a concept is bad. I'm just confused as to why you couldn't even put forth the minimum effort to make it at least legible. It really is sad.
| Guest chapter 8 . 5/14
Mhuahahahahahahah burn canon, burn! I like the usual worm SI fanfic as anyone else but sometimes a curbstomp just feels nice hope you update soon
| Wolfsbane93 chapter 8 . 5/12
| Guest chapter 8 . 5/10
Very good, loved
| pltrgst chapter 8 . 5/11
nice. Whens next chap?
| pltrgst chapter 7 . 5/11
Well, it really is going to be a long meetibg.
| Guest chapter 7 . 5/6
This story is basically about a generic murderhobo running around killing stuff. I almost hesitate to call this a story, since it's mostly scenes of the character killing stuff or powerlevelling.
no social interactions, no emotional growth, almost no dialogue, and not much of a plot. Feels like it it is written by an autistic person who doesn't see the point of interacting with people if they aren't immediately useful.
Not to mention the seeming lack of proofreading. So many typos that I expect it reached triple digits before I was halfway through. The last chapters I just skimmed, but still managed to see a lot of errors.
This is a guy that needs an editor or three, badly.
He needs someone to call him out when he forgest that it's supposed to be a story, and that an author's goal should be to make the characters come alive, not just kill them.
| PasiveNox chapter 4 . 5/7
HMMM ITS NICE
| Guest chapter 2 . 5/4
So many errors, you really need a proofreader or two.
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/4
Mangled sentence, the worst mistake I noticed:
tendancy of each version to be weaken - tendency of each version to be weaker
Also, you need to use a lot more commas, and I mean A LOT.
Please get a proofreader.
| PasiveNox chapter 3 . 5/4
| Idirexii chapter 8 . 5/2
You are evil. Evil I say! I have to wait for the next chapter. The humanities...
Nice story. Liked the murderhobo trope. A lot of dumb decisions, like not shapeshifting with Browbeat's power into different kid avatars to hide your clones and so on, but enjoyable nonetheless.