At first Evan reminded me of my little cousin with his attitude (could definitely see him trying to pick a lock to get to his computer) and I had no sympathy. But as the day went on and Mabel’s behaviour worsened, I started to feel more and more sympathetic.
I know what it’s like to be dragged around and forced to take part in activities you have no interest in while someone ignores your suggestions. Doesn’t result in the immediate eye-opening personality change that magically occurs in some media.
Yeah, Evan’s grown on me a little. That may be due to shared frustration with Mabel’s self-centred attitude in this story but I’m willing to give him a shot.

Bit of an emotional blow losing the boat. Their childhood dream. But at least they got to live it, even if it ended a little different from how they imagined it. And they’ve still got their family waiting for them, even if this also means it’s going to take a little longer to reach them.

To be fair, the ability to make toast out of both is pretty impressive. Scientifically speaking, it might even be more impressive to make something out of nothing instead of transferring matter across distances. And could be used to solve world hunger! Nutrition might be an issue, though.
I suspect toast will could come in very handy at some point.

I also know what it’s like to be too critical of your own work. This was fine, no glaring issues. You knew it was Preston, but the moment you mentioned money he became the only original antagonist left if Gideon is trying to be better. Speaking of , nice work on him. Still got the bad history, the unhealthy interest in Mabel, and a good relationship with his prison pals. Hope to see more of his redemption.

Nice touch pointing out Soos literally called the attractions fake in front of the town. Lampshades can be a life saver for some plots.

It clever to have their first new adventure in town (since the clones were outside) be similar to the one their first as kids. A nice touch of nostalgia but upping the ante with the civil war and Guardian. My favourite moment was Mabel’s response to Derrick trying to be nice. Great timing!

Regarding your OCs, I’d say I need more time with them. Ryland seems fine, just another Mabel crush so far, though it was nice to get a little bit of info on his family and for him to compliment the twins’ closeness.
Derrick I’m more cautious of. That’ll depend on how much trouble he causes and what kind it is. Not saying he’s irredeemable (GF did have successful heel-face turn with Pacifica, Robbie, and Gideon) but I’ll wait and see. Hopefully I’ll like him more as I find out more about him.

Entertaining first story, I like seeing reading those where Dipper interacts with his clones, especially when he’s older. Bit surprised they got over Wendy. Most stories I read about them have them still interested, even if Dipper moved on years ago.

In high school, I looked exactly like Greg Menkins but had Dipper’s anxiety and luck with women.
This chapter brought back so many traumatic memories.
Very well-written Mabel, though, especially her though process of the glitter shower.

This story has been recommended to me several times as one of the best GF fanfics and the opening is definitely interesting enough for me to be invested.
I’m looking forward to reading more, especially after some of the praise I’ve heard.

I would give my left eye for more.

FRIENDS COME IN ALL SHAPES AND SIXES BUT KNOW YOUR ENEMIES OR THERE WILL BE SURPRISES. That’s the cryptogram, I think

I can’t help but think “Fatal Flaw” was influenced by “Truth or Punishment” from Star vs the Forces of Evil. It has kinda the same vibe. Not a criticism at all; I think this was a delightfully creative conflict!

Yes, YEs, YES! Dipper/Pacifica for LIFE!

THIS CHAPTER IS AWESOME!