just going to point out that pure dialogue is a shitty way to present a story. this is really bad because it's not even expositionary dialogue it's conversational.

try putting some story in between these conversations and maybe...

nvm this thing bad

im so confused where is the story

I actually fucking like this wish I found this in 2017

I would not be surprised if this part of some project to learn the english language, limiting themselves to memory and a dictionary that was repeatedly chewed on by a puppy too adorable to admonish.

This is some next level confusing shit

Okay. While I really do want to give this 305k story a chance... it doesn't feel worth the headache or mental strain to comprehend the point of this story. Still, props for writing into the 300k range?

This type of garbage is just too painful to even look at.

I honestly still have no idea what the fuck is going on lol. I understand something is happening but not what. I feel like I'm missing a lot of information.

I'm kinda understanding what is happening now, but at the same tim ei need to say the obligatory: "WHAT THE FUUU-"

Completely incomprehensible

I am lost

Skipped from first chapter to this one, still has confusing ass dialogue. More structured otherwise but still reads like someone combined pseudoscience with willy wonka and a borderlands psycho's thought processes.

How can I say this without being needlessly offensive?
... ... ... Nope, I got nothing.
The most incomprehensible pile of garbage I've ever read in my life. I've no idea about the quality of the rest of your story because I couldn't even make it half way through your first chapter before I had a headache.

If you actually want people to read this, I suggest you go back and inject some narrative flow.

...My advice, don't write while drinking. Or high. Or both. This first chapter(?) was garbage. Yikes. A great example of go home and do it again.