Reviews for Mending the Knots
FinalMax chapter 3 . 1/10/2018
Interesting premise, but you may have locked yourself into some very hard sells in terms of pairings that don't require breaking a willing suspension of disbelief. And one of those is the one you've mentioned leaning towards, Arkos. Another is the potential of a Blake/Jaune ship, but that also has chances to fix itself. In both cases, it's going to involve impressions and circumstance. If you still have Jaune unaware of Pyrrha's celebrity status, he could still express that ignorance. But circumstances can negate the impact quite easily. If he's called up to Beacon to give massages, she could mistake that as part of his professional tools. A way to make a customer feel comfortable. On the flip side, Pyrrha might encounter a fan running his front desk who might be too excited to act professionally. That would turn her off of going to a masseuse with a growing reputation.

In Blake's case, this chapter provided the very tools that could scuttle the chance of Blake/Jaune in the form of the Faunus customer. Blake is known to overreact to certain things, and Faunus customers in disguise could bring out her unfortunate self-righteous behaviors. However, she might also think it a meeting place for other former White Fang members. So it really depends on how her first impressions and the circumstances play out.

Now for details that could use improvement. Hasn't been a single massage given that wasn't full body so far in the story, which gives the idea that it might be the only kind anyone in Vale is aware of. And you've used names and references that break the flow in weird ways. Like the meal Jaune made for Roman and Neo to take home. Did it need to be named as Hainan Ji Fan? No, because the name detracts from the later descriptor as a "simple and yet luxurious" dish. The name is exotic, so anyone unfamiliar with the dish will imagine a complicated dish that takes hours to prepare. The same goes for the P90X reference. All anyone unfamiliar with it can surmise is that it's an exercise routine. It could be 90 pushups, or it could be a suite of exercises within 90 minutes for all anyone knows. You are assuming that the audience has the same frame of reference as yourself. Brief descriptions can sometimes take the place for names that might be uncommon or help readers not need a reference guide if you reuse them.
Lloyd RPGFan chapter 3 . 1/10/2018
Somehow, I have a very mixed opinion about what Jaune's family should be like. On one end, you don't run away from home when everything is peachy. Something must have convinced him that putting himself in danger by fighting Grimm and risking a huge fine (or maybe even a trip to prison) by applying to Beacon with fake transcripts was better than staying at home. On the other hand, it doesn't look like Jaune has especially bad memories about his home (he definitely doesn't conform to the tragic backstory cliché). Then again, Rooster Teeth still have to reveal anything substantial about Jaune's backstory...

Sorry for the long comment, I probably could have found a shorter way to explain why I think what little you've revealed so far about Jaune's family seemed way too relaxed in my opinion.

Anyway, good luck with the next chapter.

P.S. Since it's going to come up at one point or another, I advise you NOT to make a poll to determine who will be paired with Jaune. I think you should decide for yourself depending on the direction you want the story to follow. Yang or Weiss would probably not find anything romantically appealing in this version of Jaune. Blake or Ruby would make his budding friendship with Roman and Neo very awkward (because of how much invested the two girls are in their fight against the White Fang and the criminal element of Vale). Pyrrha or the Malachite twins, however, would fit better in a psychological/emotional drama, with the protagonists talking about their feelings, their past and hopes for the future.

Sorry again for the huge comment/review.
Charcoal wolf chapter 3 . 1/10/2018
Great story. Flows very nice and most of all it makes sense. No grammar errors and punctuation is on point. The story telling for this story great. Chapters could be alittle longer and It would be nice to have some of the other characters such as Ruby, Yang, coco, velvet and so on come into the story soon.
Arukon chapter 3 . 1/10/2018
I want to see where this goes and find out how Jaune affects events. Here is hoping for more soon.
ConnorPerson chapter 3 . 1/10/2018
Damn this is good.
Alex TF chapter 3 . 1/10/2018
Nice, keep up the good work!
Sigma of Prisium chapter 1 . 1/10/2018
*checks author's name*

Damn this reminded of Service with a Smile. Ooohh! Glynda as first costumer, and passed her scrutiny!

Well didn't expect Roman so early, and Neo got to test his skills! Lucky guy!
LordLoverDuck chapter 3 . 1/10/2018
Very nice, can't wait for more
ZenithTempest chapter 3 . 1/10/2018
My previous critique still stands, now more than last chapter. You’ll need to make a decision if this is going to be a slice of life job for Jaune or some serious plot where he gets to Beacon. Trying to do both like this chapter just feels disjointed and a tad silly. Personally, I’d recommend the former as the latter just doesn’t seem at all realistic.
Vanishing Trooper chapter 3 . 1/10/2018
I am very interested in what the teams look like without Jaune as moral support.
Guest chapter 3 . 1/9/2018
Why do I sense Ice Cream Knight fluff coming? And why does it feel that Roman is playing the Sexond Father?
merendinoemiliano chapter 3 . 1/9/2018
Hello, azn, i read some of your other stories(with the exception of Jaune ryu long, sorry, but i hate Harems) and i really liked beginning of this story, ad much weird, seems really good and i'm curious to see whath you will do and how this Jaune will mess into the life of Beacon's up the good work and see you later, and good year.

P.s. for his lack of training and knowledge,my best guess is thath his family was so overprotective thath they forbidden him from training and also asked all the shopkeeper in their town to don't give him any materials for Huntsman in training,including book about aura.

P.p.s. For the pairing i advice Arkos,but everything isn't Lancashit,Jaune x random milf or an exaggerated harem is ok for me.
garoorar chapter 1 . 1/9/2018
Call the store: Eiffel Tower.
Josh Spicer chapter 3 . 1/9/2018
I guess my only comment is on Jaune's Grandad abd Oz and how all that will end up. Try there was another reason Oz rejected it, doubly so if he remembered the name when Glynda brought it up.
Hellsider chapter 3 . 1/9/2018
Nice new chapter and story, can't wait to see what you come up with next. I want to see what happens when Jaune's grandfather meets up with Ozpin and why the sword reacting to Jaune is a big deal?
2,424 | « Prev Page 1 .. 145 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 .. Last Next »